I can answer this when I figure it out. For now, I know the following are characteristics of poor support of dangerous situations:

Too fast

• Anything faster than 6 months is too fast. 9-12 months is optimal.

Too good

• Nothing is that good. It just isn’t. If they offer something that surprises you, don’t take it. Talk to someone else you trust about it first. If anyone pulls out that “twin flames” or “soulmates” talk, it’s almost certain this is a bad relationship because they’re trying to get you hooked with obligation to them.

Confusing

• If you are often unsure about the relationship, it’s because it’s not good. A good relationship is so good, you don’t have to wonder if it’s good. It’s not something you would think about. You can’t make it good either. Just accept it’s confusing.

Not reciprocal

• If they don’t return the sane things you offer or vice versa. If they cook for you, but you don’t cook for them even if you offer. Or if you give them rides to the airport, but they never give you a ride to the airport.

Highly focused on one thing

• Their behaviors seem to only care about one thing. If that thing is gone, they don’t contribute or care about the relationship.

Contingent/conditional

• They are only active/present when they want something or are bored. They don’t make an effort to do things just for you.

Insisting

• If you say no, but they argue it or try to convince you otherwise.

Lack of follow-through

• They offer or promise something, but they never deliver it.

They don’t show care for your emotions intuitively

• When you express how you feel about anything, they don’t ever address it. Say you’re feeling sad, they don’t try to cheer you up. You are hungry, they don’t try to get you to eat. If you don’t like it when people are late, but they continue to be late. If you don’t like being ignored, but you feel ignored.

They tell you how you feel or why you did something

• No one should ever tell you how you feel or decide your intentions.

Your memory and theirs don’t match; you start keeping track of your interactions

• This is a sign of gaslighting. It is a tactic that some people use to get you to question your own mind so that you rely on theirs.

Different personas

• They seem like a different person when others are around than when you are alone with them. This is the one I notice the quickest since I build profiles for each person. I had friends that would mostly ignore me when I showed up. However, when I showed up and someone else was there, they would hug me and smile. I was like, “Who are these people?” Another person would mostly talk about themselves when we were alone, but when friends of mine were around, they suddenly were very attentive of how I was doing.

Lots of explanations

• You catch them explaining their behaviors a lot, especially when you didn’t ask for one. Behaviors are self-evident. They are exactly what they are. You’ll hear things like, “I was worried you would think that when I did [behavior] you would think it meant [what it actually meant]. It didn’t mean that. It meant [a lie].”

You feel guilty/nervous around them

• If you feel guilty or nervous, but you haven’t done anything to hurt anyone. Even if you did something innocently or with good intentions, they assume you had bad intentions. This one makes me feel gross, so it sticks out to me.

They talk more than you

• They are taking up more of the relationship. They are controlling the focus.

They disappear

• There are periods in which they are unusually gone or unresponsive.

They leave things are your residence too soon

• They’re claiming territory and having you think about them when they’re gone. Also, it makes it harder for you two to end the relationship since they need their stuff back.

You meet at yours or their place only

• If it’s only at their place, then they want to be on territory they can control. If it’s only at your place, then they’re hiding their life from you and inserting themselves in your safe place so that you stop existing alone. It should be equal and smooth.

You think that they’re emotionally shallow

• It seems like they always feel the same (angry), and their other emotions are just words seeking pity or confirmation.

You feel bad about yourself/something is wrong with you

• They passively point out how you are broken, need help, lucky they’re around to help you, or you’re morally flawed.

Hell, I’m cleaning out my closet, right here, right now!!

here we go

You’re embarrassed when people that know you see you with them

• Of course. They suck and everyones know it.

They can’t take criticism

• It’s always met with counter-criticism or punishment.

When they do something that hurt you, you end up apologizing

• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO

THEY DON’T APOLOGIZE!!

• They are seriously incapable of apologizing. This is soooo true. They act like they will die if they give a sincere apology. Somehow, it’s a “misunderstanding”.

It seems like they’re copying you

• It’s like they’re pretending to be you in a weird way.

You feel relief when you and them separate temporarily or permanently

• Yeah, for real. They’re exhausting.

You can’t feel anything

• You turn off your emotions to survive around them, but then you can’t even feel the joy of a green traffic light arrow anymore.

They care what everyone thinks about them all the damn time

• No one thinks about anyone like that. No one is that special.

Personal opinions and preferences are moralized

• Personal preferences, such as favorite sport, somehow have a moral implication on your character.

Nothing is original

• Everything they contribute is something they copied from somewhere else

They deeply enjoy other’s failures or embarrassments

• They have a certain smile when they hear that someone else experienced a hardship.

They want to be the only person in your life

• They expect your life to revolve around them. They control who else you’re friends with.

They don’t take social risks

• They’re terrified of social rejection or seeming unwanted. They can’t handle making a mistake because that would make them wrong & bad. They don’t present their qualities unless they think they’re going to be rated “the best” on them.

They treat people like NPCs

• It’s as if they think that every other person in the world is a hollow shell placed on earth to serve their needs. They can’t imagine that other people deserved to have life, values, goals, intention, dreams, love, attention, anything. People are NPCs that only exist when seen by the jerk.

Disloyal

• They’re only loyal to their own egos. Everything else, everyone else is a temporary tool.

Everything is either right or wrong

• There is no middle or preference with them.

Competitive af

• Everything, even the most minor crap, turns into a competition.

Everything with them is backwards

• You’ll get this one when it happens

You find yourself saying words like “everything” or “always” when discussing them

• Because they’re all-or-none. There are no freaking middle ground or just inconsequential matters. Somehow, everything turns into some bs valued thing with them that is judged.

They don’t have a stable group of friends or residence

• They keep burning every bridge someone builds for them. They have to constantly move because they destroyed their reputation.

They can’t be alone

• They constantly need someone else around or at least have their attention.

HIERARCHIES!!

• Everything is placed in an order of value, even people, even romantic partners. You know your place in the hierarchy and you know it’s temporary based on your contributions to their needs.

They are proud of numbers!!

• Their income, square footage, waist size, bench press, car’s value, how far they ran, many windows their house has…all numbers. Hierarchical numbers and theirs is on top.

They’re stagnant but promise improvement

• They make promises of change, but it never happens. Just changes the approach.

King/Queen Mierdas

• Everything they touch turns to poop. Even you.

They’re vengeful

• They attack you because you made them feel small for pointing out their insecurities. You can unknowingly point out their insecurities by merely existing because they see you acting human and find it threatening. One of them (aka hijackals) is reading this right now (because they’re about 10% of the population) trying to figure out how they’re gonna get revenge that they were called out…as if this were about them personally because everything is about them!! lmaoooo 🤣🤣

You don’t have to attack them because they embarrass themselves

• Their revenge and anger makes them lose control and they eventually make a mistake that is undeniable. You just have to hold your ground staying true to yourself. But if you attack back, the story gets chaotic and confusing, bringing you down to their level in which they are experts and you will fail. Like Eminem says, you have to be determined to be you.

Okay okay. I’m cool. Phew. Needed to get that out. Thanks 👍

Gonna go watch some validating videos of dam failures for a while. 🌊

Note to self: I met a lady 1.5 years ago that told me all this and she was right about everything!! How can someone be 100% right?

Edit: After sleeping on it, I thought it necessary to point out that everyone does a few of these things, even autistic people. Doing a few of these things (except for gaslighting, King/Queen Mierdas, disloyal, & treating people like NPCs), doesn’t make someone bad or nefarious. But the more of these characteristics are present, the unhealthier the relationship will be. In retrospect, I guess optimal relationships would have less of these characteristics present.