I’m sure lots of ADHDers know what I mean. Situations where you’re not meaning ill intent, but the way that a situation turns out makes it seem like you’re the bad guy/girl.
How do you handle the situation without seeming like a victim or that you’re making excuses for yourself? Do you explain the situation or just accept it and hope that enough time will reveal your true character?
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Mostly I am taken for an idiot because people can’t detect that a remark is humorous unless you’re being extremely obvious about it, and I have a very deadpan delivery, and generally dry and low key humor.
It’s very frustrating trying to socialize with people I don’t know good enough yet for them to know this, everyone just takes me at face value and then thinks I’m stupid.
I did have plenty of the awkward situations you’re describing myself when I was younger though. It’s such a revelation once you get your diagnosis and realize that, in fact, you are perceiving the world differently than neurotypical people.
I talk less. I find that people like to talk over me constantly and interrupt, so I generally let them run with the rope until it hangs them. If I can get a word in edgewise, I’ll give my 2 cents, but the quality of my answer if they’re incapable of listening, is far less engaged than if the opposite were true. When that’s the case, my responses are matter-of-fact and stripped to the barebones due to lack of interest, and trying to get my core points across.
I find that I write far better than I speak and as I get older, I care less and less about how someone perceives me, which has been a bit freeing.
Make a deadpan joke, remain silent, expect nothing in return. Dread. Internally scream for a few seconds, then realize you don’t really care that much. End up with a muted meh.
Kon: We primarily handle it by not giving a single flying fuck. We go about doing as we do with all the subtlety of a jackhammer, and if someone has a problem with that, they can say it to our face.
I’ve found that the best way is to explain myself like I’m 5. If somebody gives me a weird look after I give a dead pan joke, I’ll stop what I’m saying and go “oh, sorry, I’m a very dead pan person and I was trying to make a joke, I guess it didn’t come off that way, my mistake!”
Sure, at first it sounds weird or unnatural but I find that this has worked out better for me rather than staying quiet and blaming them for not appreciating my sense of humor.
oh, sorry, I’m a very dead pan person and I was trying to make a joke, I guess it didn’t come off that way, my mistake
This kills the joke
You can’t kill what’s already dead from the get-go
I’d rather kill a joke rather than be disrespectful. The sooner you learn this, the happier your life will be and more people will enjoy having you around.
