It happened with Kalani and Asuelu. It was mentioned to Danielle when Yohan wanted to move to the U.S. Now, it’s Manuel demanding it from Ashley.
I understand that it’s a cultural thing, but why do parents want to put this kind of stress on their children? I feel like it’s a tradition that’s been passed down and since they did it for their parents, it is just expected. Even just a grace period to help them get on their feet before they start sending $200 or $300 a month could alleviate the stress.
I’m from Canada and it’s extremely financially hard here, I couldn’t imagine sending money to anyone every month. I don’t know exactly how it is in the U.S., but I would think $300 is still a lot for anyone to send monthly. Not to mention, these people only have one source of income since the person coming can’t legally work until they get their green card. I know that it’s really a lack of communication on their end, but it really seems that the family is demanding as well, like it is incredibly toxic. Is this a normal thing or is it just exaggerated for T.V.?
You do realize some people have children for the sole reason that they will support them when they get old. Adult children are assets to the entire family. And if you’re making money it’s not just yours, it belongs to them as well. It’s an overbearing wait of responsibility. But how can you look away if your family is living in dead shit poverty while you are in the US living the “high life”.
What do I think? Ashley is getting what she deserves. If she didn’t do research into Manuel’s culture in the 2+ yrs they have been communicating than shame on her. Once he is established here, gets married, starts working and sharing with his wife, then he can figure out how much can be sent to his family. That is not her responsibility. Additionally, he is being way to secretive about his life. How does she know that he isn’t married? This can all be a scam to take her to the cleaners. Once he is here, she is responsible for him in every aspect. She needs to send him back and stop getting hung up on the bedroom thrills. Silly, dumb and immature. That whole coffee thing was ridiculous. And, I am certain that is not her only “weirdness”.
I don’t think for one moment she didn’t know that he would need this. I mean he has kids there. If he wasn’t sending money to them everyone would say he was a dead beat. Life is a lot harder there and he was essentially the man of the family and oldest so a lot of responsibility falls on him. It will not stop in the future he is here and he will make sure they do not want for things. This will be the new normal. If she wants to be with him she is going to have to accept it. On the most basic level he is providing for his family. He isn’t doing anything wrong or hurting anyone. Once he starts working it will again be his job.
She actually admitted that she was aware that this would be a monthly expense going forward. I’m surprised she didn’t ask how much that expense would be. $300/month is a lot of money to some people and a fairly insignificant amount to others. I have no clue what her monthly income is though.
Does she even have a job? If I were him I would’ve picked someone else! She doesn’t seem financially stable.
Oh its very normal. People send money back home all the time.
Its normal and its expected, Families work different, the bond its stronger and thats why you can see multiple people living in the same home which its most of the timed owned and passed down from generation to generation.
I was shocked when i saw homeless people in the USA, that is very if not non existing at least in the Caribbean.
I’m an American who has had to help my mother since I got my first job. She never said to give her money but she’d moan & complain. ‘You have a job & so few bills…I work full time & can’t make ends meet. You’re being selfish by not buying me stuff or helping me with my bills…’ then she guilted her way into moving into my house a few months ago…costing us a fortune.
I’m first generation Chinese American. Taking care of one’s parents is a cultural norm. My dad’s parents were very poor. Before marrying my mom, he used his small grad school stipend in the US to send money monthly to his parents in Taiwan. This continued after he married my mom, even though there was only one income and a small grad school stipend. Income can be tight but you find a way to make it work. My dad would rather starve himself than not send money to care for his elderly parents. I don’t know if they talked about it in advance but my mom knew my dad’s family background. My guess is, it was almost a given. Sending money home to Taiwan continued after they had 3 kids. Even after my dad passed away when I was young, my mom continued to send money every month to his parents. This was out of love and respect for my dad; and cultural veneration for ancestors and elders. As for Ashley and Manuel - i think he should have told her about any family financial obligations in advance. She also knew that he had kids and supported his family so she also could have asked.
In some cultures, you have children so they can take care of you. That’s just how it goes. Indian culture is very similar.
This is honestly how it feels to me. And I think that is the absolute worst reason to have a child.
I’m not sure if you are aware that some countries don’t have pensions or retirement or social security, so your retirement is your children and grandchildren. Your parents take care of you when you are younger, pay for your food/clothes/etc, so you help them when they are older.
I am learning this now…
That makes more sense. Now only if my moms family had been more honest about my grandparents jobs and why they took care of them… migrant work didn’t have a retirement plan either. American born migrant workers, when they got too old to continue migrant work makes sense they settled down and had a couple more children.
My mom didn’t have retirement either or a job. She became disabled.
I am a crappy daughter.
It goes deeper than having kids so they can pay for us when we get older. I can speak on behalf of indian families- we are raised to all support and take care of each other. That is how we financially, emotional and mentally thrive. We work as a unit- not a single family household. Typically our parents have sacrificed to give us better education and career opportunities then they had and we utilize their help for this. Then when they get older we take care of them, but they are still there for us emotionally and if we get married and have kids. Typically it is our parents that help watch the kids when we go to work. It’s just the way we build and stay in community and family to help us all grow and thrive.
So this system works if we all live in the same village (ie the grandparents can walk to parents house and take care of the grandbabies several times a week).
But if the parents are in a different country, this would not work?
^ please forgive my curiosity x
If you actually get along the parent being supported are nice about it and it’s a give and take meaning they take care of the house and help with childcare so you can work to pay the bills Could you imagine moving Asuelus Mom in with you taking advantage talking crap to your face and then expects you to hand over anything above and beyond household bills? No thanks
So I like … live those situations in real life.
My boyfriends cousin and aunt come over here to America on a visa, work for cash and save it all up, ~6 months, and then go back to Mexico and don’t have to work.
The hurricane that just passed thru Acapulco ruined my cousins house, so now he’s back here working to rebuild the house. It is 100% a cultural thing that I will not understand. My boyfriends grandma, who doesn’t work and is in the hospital more often than not, also sends money to her brothers on the farm in Mexico. Even tho the only money she has is from having sold her house 8 years ago. They spend the money on bullshit but she sends it anyway. Our dollar here is worth more than a Mexican peso, so around $1200 USD will get you an apartment , bills paid, and still having money left over, that sets you up for a year.
It is clearly cultural and also the arrangement Manuel had with his family back in Ecuador. HOWEVER, he did not communicate this expectation beforehand, and MOREOVER, takes great offense to her financial priorities. He clearly would rather be sending more of her money to his family, which would make me hella uncomfortable if I were Ashley! I’d say the culture and ego divide between these two is too great.
That said, it feels awfully shady to me when people prioritize sending money to their family back home right away. It feels like “that was the plan all along.”
That’s exactly what Pedro did. He made his awful family his top priority, despite his mother being a lawyer that lived in a really nice place. I would’ve been pissed to be Chantal too.
When you get married, your wife should be top priority. I understand child support, but he’s been hella secretive and dismissive this whole time. Still trying to keep his family “private”. Shady as fuck.
i want to know at what point do the parents stop working so they can leech off their child? do the rules apply to female children as well? or just the males?
from my understanding, this is very very normal and expected in latin cultures.
It applies to all children. The one most capable/well off is expected to help everyone. It doesn’t stop at parents either. Cousins, uncles, aunts, all expect help too. If you don’t give them money, you’re evil and selfish (ahem…Yohan). Also, what you do give them is never enough. I had a cousin ask me for $250 super casually because she claimed someone put a hex on her 2 year old and she needed to get the hex removed by a witch doctor (this really happened to me). I got so tired of it. I cut them all off. My family is from the Dominican Republic.
I don’t understand why people watch this show if they’re not willing to accept other cultures. This is beyond common in other cultures and their relationship with their elders is completely different.
Kids are the retirement plan in many cultures 😁 You take care of your kids when they grow up, they take care of you when you’re older. It’s a symbiotic trade-off
It’s cultural
Manuel stopped working when he moved to the US, so he lost the means he had to support his family. It should not come as a surprise that he would need help taking care of his kids financially at least until he is allowed to work in the US (really should have been discussed before the move).
Also, if you plan to marry somebody with kids, the kids are part of the package… you can’t just erase them…