Hello! Seeking some guidance on how or if I should move abroad to chase the potential at love.

I (30M, USA) met a woman while traveling in Belize who is French and lives in Paris. We formed such an intense connection right off the bat and spent the rest of our trip together. I visited her in Paris since and was even harder to say goodbye than the first time, like someone ripped out a part of me.

Even before we met, I was planning to quit my job and travel next year but this is making me reconsider and instead going to Paris to give a relationship a shot. The issue is we really don’t know eachother that well, having spent a total of 3-4 weeks together. I’ve had plenty of relationships and even been married, but she makes me feel something I’ve never experienced before. She makes me feel like I’ve finally found home.

Logistically I don’t know if or how I could make this work. In a perfect world we follow the natural progression of dating by living separately and taking the steps as they come. I have a feeling going straight to living together jumps too many steps (the fun part) and risks ruining our one chance. I just won’t have a job/be able to support myself in a city like Paris so living together makes the most sense. I also can only stay in the country for 90 days at a time(or 180 total per year). Getting a work visa in France seems very difficult. I have ~40k$ set aside for my travels but could do more if I had to.

I’m afraid that if I don’t act on this now then we could drift apart with the distance. Neither of us wants a long distance relationship and we lack the foundation of trust to make that work, let alone a 9 hour time difference.

As mentioned my original plan was to backpack for 6-12 months which is still a dream of mine but I don’t know if we can pick up our relationship after. ( I know, First world problems between chasing love or traveling the globe 😅)

I’m trying to keep myself in check, but if this really is love then I would regret it for the rest of my life if I never gave it a shot.

Am I crazy? How can I make this work? Has anyone done something similar?

Thanks for reading and appreciate any input :)

  • EUblij@alien.topBEnglish
    1·
    10 months ago

    Never turn your back on an opportunity for love. I moved 12 years ago and am now happily living in the Netherlands.

  • Connect_Boss6316@alien.topBEnglish
    1·
    10 months ago

    OP - you gotta go to Paris and see her again. No ifs and buts. Life is too short to not go this.

    It’ll be an adventure and a story you’ll tell your grand-children, whether they are through her or someone else you meet later in life.

  • LowRevolution6175@alien.topBEnglish
    1·
    10 months ago

    this is a fantasy scenario, yes the stories for the grandchildren etc are good, but most odds are against you, especially logistically. a couple from two different countries has to compromise A LOT in order to stay together long term.

    You should definitely give it a shot, but be realistic and cautious

    ​

    I was planning to quit my job and travel next year

    This tells me that you’re already desperately “searching” for meaning in your life, and you should be careful of projecting those feelings and needs onto this woman

  • wheatendoggo@alien.topBEnglish
    1·
    10 months ago

    I don’t think it’s a great idea to live with her if you’re not going to be working and she is. You’re going to be waiting for her 24/7, in a place where you have no connections, no work and don’t speak the language; whereas she is in her regular element and needs time to want you, needs time to attend to her job, friends, family, life. The magic could turn into an obligation for her quickly.

    I think you can either a) Go whole hog and find a job in paris somehow or b) be with her on weekends but for the most part, travel to other places in europe/france during the week at least some of the time so you aren’t suffocating each other.

    Alternatively- Is it possible to find an airbnb or such, for a month to start, in a place that is far enough to be affordable but where you can still take a train to go on dates a few times a week?? And then make the assessment of whether you’re ready to cohabitate.

    Also, what does SHE want? How does she feel about you moving there? you didn’t mention this anywhere in your post 🤔

  • Exotic_Tackle_940@alien.topBEnglish
    1·
    10 months ago

    I went back and forth with my now husband before I moved. I lived right outside NYC and him in Venice. We wanted to pursue the relationship but I would have been the one giving up everything. Imo get to know her a little bit more before making such a big move. Yes. You gain love. But you give up alot too. Good luck with whatever you choose

  • Aromatic_Listen_7489@alien.topBEnglish
    1·
    10 months ago

    I think the most reasonable idea is to keep visiting her for short periods, and keeping long-distance relationship in between. I think after a few months of such schedule you will get to know her enough to figure if you want to live with her. I decided to move in with my future husband after around 5 months of knowing him - but it was almost obvious for me just after a couple of months of active dating that we have a future together. Things happen fast in our age)))