Anyone else get burnt out / depressed over being perpetually unsettled? Granted, yes, I know this lifestyle is a choice; I’ve been trying to build home bases but I’m having a hard time finding places to settle between visa + housing logistics and finding the right communities.

I lived full-time in Bali for 3 years (cliche I know) but things there have really changed since the borders opened after covid. I’ve been hopping around since last year trying out new places to settle down and I’m just feeling down about it all… But I also don’t want to move back to my home country either. I don’t feel like I fit in there anymore at all but then again I also don’t fit in the traditional life of any other country that I’m not from hahaaha AHH

Anyone feel me? I don’t really know where to go anymore and it really has me in a funk. I realize this is a massive first world problem and yes I am so very grateful for my freedom, plz be kind

  • richdrifter@alien.topB
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    10 months ago

    OP I’ve felt this way since I was a little kid lmao.

    I’m beginning my 13th year nomading abroad, I don’t feel any different. No place feels entirely like home, and I’m still as unsettled as I ever was.

    You’ll cross through places that feel like home sometimes… and then you’ll look back and realize it was actually more about the people who were there with you in that place and time, and the location was just a backdrop. The places don’t really matter all that much, once that shine of newness wears off.

    Rented a base 1 year ago for the first time ever, because I was tired of dragging all my gear around. I just picked the place where I’ve nomaded through a ton, where I’ve been dating someone, and which happens to be in the middle of everywhere I usually travel. So it was convenient.

    It feels nice to have a space of my own that won’t get booked out from under me like an Airbnb. I’ve had zero stress about accommodation this entire year. But I still have one foot half out the door, like always. I just don’t feel settled.

    If I owned my own place I would love to put art on the walls and buy a few meaningful “forever” things, but I just can’t bring myself to do that somewhere I will eventually leave behind. So it’s a sort of limbo, like always.

    I’ve accepted that this is probably how I will feel forever - neurons have legit rewired to expect a steady stream of unending novelty. So it will be.

    Sometimes I worry that I’ve become bored with the entire planet. Elon better hurry the fuck up lol.

    Definitely “top 1% first world” problems. Can’t really complain about chasing my dreams and tasting so many different lives in one lifetime. Everything is a tradeoff and I’ll take this any day over the white picket fence bullshit and a life of wondering “what if…”

    • hello_im_a_pers0n@alien.topOPB
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      10 months ago

      i definitely feel this!! i’m going on my 6th year so you’ve had a lot longer experience than me but i for sure agree its the people that make the place more often than not. but i’ve also found that weather and logistics and nature access have a huge impact on me too.

      i’ve also thought that about my brain basically being rewired to not settle. thanks for sharing your experiences

  • Suncourse@alien.topB
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    10 months ago

    I feel this

    Maybe start with a decisive commitment to one place, one rental property - for at least 3 months. Maybe longer visa depending. Then plan the next similar length stay.

    Having plans well in advance is the key to maximising control and calm.

    Then set about making those deep decisions about what you really want. Are you just tired of changing rental every month, or do you want to own a forever home, and sometimes travel?

    Decision paralysis is likely with our infinite choice lifestyle - so many degrees of freedom in every part of life. Decide what’s important, weigh up your options, pick one or some, and get to it.

    Removing time pressure from decisions transforms them from a hassle to a pleasure - from a risk to an opportunity.

  • captnmiss@alien.topB
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    10 months ago

    I found a place I liked and I’ve settled for 6 months (or maybe more)

    I know I will eventually leave, but I’m enjoying making a community here for now.

    I’m also planning a 1-2 month Asian trip next year, so I will scratch the travel itch a little!

    • hello_im_a_pers0n@alien.topOPB
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      10 months ago

      That’s a good plan! I’m sort of doing that now until I find somewhere that I know I’ll want to stay longer. I’ll take half of a home base rather than none haha

    • hello_im_a_pers0n@alien.topOPB
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      10 months ago

      I think it’s more about feeling de-located regardless! Thankfully I’ve got some great friends spread around the globe but of course I always love meeting new people too. That’s a good idea to consider, thanks

      • to_glory_we_steer@alien.topB
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        10 months ago

        I hope you find your anchor, also you have a great username 😂 If you’re happy to share, where are you based?

  • gng2ku@alien.topB
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    10 months ago

    You should pick a place that has more to offer . Surroundings matter a lot. I personally like the UAE, lots of opportunities, it’s not expensive relative to nyc, London or Tokyo. You can get a nice place in Abu Dhabi at relatively low rent. It also has all the modern convinces. I would go insane in Bali. I’ve worked in London, Tokyo, Chicago, NYC, LA , SF, Montreal, Dubai and Abu Dhabi. Right now I prefer Abu Dhabi. Friends I work with who have come from Paris, London and Sweden all say they are not the same as they used to be on the quality of life scale, citing crime at the top of the list. I worked in nyc for a long time and just got tired of the poor services given the high tax rate and being scolded because I wasn’t into watching people walk out of stores with bag loads of stolen stuff, etc.

  • ManYonX@alien.topB
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    10 months ago

    I have a two year visa. You can get decent places starting at 2k a month and by that I mean full service recent building . You can get a 1 bedroom at high end for 4/5 k US a month . Search places like Etihad Towers in Abu Dhabi, Nations Towers or World Trade Center. All nice places with reasonable rent. If you want the beach check out Sadiat Island for Hid or Mamsha. Lots of places in AD are water front . Small connected islands . Reem Island has lots of newer construction, I prefer the other places. All of these locations are 10 Min drive from each other.

  • Viktri1@alien.topB
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    10 months ago

    Yeah, it got tiring. Plus I got cats. I have a rotation now (same places) and it’s much easier.

  • PlsBanMeYetAgain@alien.topB
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    10 months ago

    Part of the problem is you need to invest a bit into the country to really tap into the community and feel connected…for most places that means learning some of the language. It’s a hard thing to do unless you spend significant time there, but what if you do spend significant time there and decide you don’t like it or can’t make friends? Maybe better to aim for countries where people are known to be easy to befriend…Mexico, Colombia, Brazil, the Philippines, but it depends a lot on your personality too (I found it very easy to befriend people in Hungary & China for example but they are not countries known for friendly people), so keep traveling around until you find somewhere that clicks.

    I DN’d for 5 years full-time and then got a year lease in Bangkok, where I spend 6 months/year. I wouldn’t say I was that burnt out on traveling though, I just got really busy with work and needed to focus on it more seriously.

    • Prinnykin@alien.topB
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      10 months ago

      What do you do with your apartment in Bangkok when you’re gone for 6 months? Are you allowed to sublet it?

      • PlsBanMeYetAgain@alien.topB
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        10 months ago

        I don’t think I am allowed to sublet it, but I probably wouldn’t sublet it anyways, at least to strangers…I store my stuff here and am not interested in playing remote landlord. I tend to come & go a lot - I’m not usually here a full 6 months, I’ll stay here 3 months, then go to Japan, come back for 3 months, then go to Europe, come back for 3 months, etc…

  • ohliza@alien.topB
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    10 months ago

    I agree with basically everyone in the comments here. I think we’re all going to try to cope in different ways. Just as we would if we stayed home.

  • Living_the_dream_24@alien.topB
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    10 months ago

    I feel the same. As getting visas to stay long term seems to difficult and I can’t afford to go back to my home country, the way I’ve dealt with it is by looking for places with long visas, like India and Mexico and staying 6 months in each, or making a circle of familar places and alternating between them returning at the se time each year and seeing friends and familiar faces is great

    • hello_im_a_pers0n@alien.topOPB
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      10 months ago

      that’s exactly what i’ve done since leaving my last home base. at least the social familiarity is comforting even if you have to move all the time