I get times when I fixate on the fact that eventually my parents will die and leave me alone here. I don’t have the best relationship with them, but I usually feel really sad seeing them getting older day by day. I’ve found it helpful to ground myself when I’m with people I love - I just sit there and watch them. I look at their face and their hair and what they’re doing, and listen to the intonations of their voice, and to how they move their hands when they’re working and so on. It helps me fix that point in time as being real - like I EXIST along with them at this point in time, even though eventually we might not exist together, and just being here together with them now seems to bring me some relief.

I don’t know why I typed this whole thing out. Maybe it will bring you some relief too.