I have three with one on the way. It’s a constant struggle to keep the place livable. Before I had children I was not a neat person and kept things livable by not doing things that made mess and staying out as much as possible. Can’t do that with kids, so what’s the trick?
CONSTANT maintenance, and regularly weekly scheduled cleaning of each room (living room on Monday, kitchen on Tuesday, etc)
It is SO much easier to clean for 20 minutes aggregate each day than it is to clean for an hour every few days. And you’re less likely to push it off when it’s one simple task at a time instead of a whole house of cleaning.
Start out with one GIANT clean. Like, big-time, deep scrub, pay a cleaning service if you have to
Forever after that, do not let even the smallest mess survive long enough for another mess to be created
Dirty dishes? DIRECTLY into the dishwasher, turn it on as soon as it hits 3/4ths full so you’re not playing dishwasher Tetris while extra dishes spill over into the sink
Kids’ toys and grossness starting to build up in one room? Time for a family tag-team cleaning event! Put on the song you’ve decide is “the cleaning song”, And everyone pitches in to get it done quick
These are important skills to teach your kids too. It will help them from feeling like you one day. So make sure they are aware and involved in the cleanup effort before they are allowed to do the things that make additional messes
This is not easy! It will be hard and will cause some sacrifices to be made. Like, if there is a mess that hasn’t been cleaned up as expected and you’re on her way to a movie? Sucks to suck. Clean first, then hope you at least only miss the previews
This ties into other parts of our psychology like delayed gratification, respect for others’ things and shared spaces, community responsibility, how your actions impact others…
Get them involved ASAP, NOT EVER as a punishment but as an inevitable responsibility. “This is what we do when we make a mess. Why? Because it is kind to others and kind to our future selves”
Lastly, this is a skill you build up over time. It’s not going to magically be completely fixed by This One Simple Trick That Dust Bunnies Hate™. Practice practice practice. And that applies to the kids too. One of them too young to really help clean? Give them a tiny task (can you carry that empty cardboard box from over there to over here? Good job! Thanks for helping) that makes them feel like they are participating so that “cleaning up after ourselves” is just how things are done in their world
You’ve got a great teaching opportunity for your kids here (and maybe even a hypothetical partner). I wish you the best of luck. This is by far one of the biggest challenges parenthood brings to the table. Know that you’re not alone in the struggle.