As if everything isn’t stressful and terrible enough, our dehumidifier has broken. We use it to dry laundry as there’s no room for a tumble drier and living in the UK at this time of year clothes just don’t dry on the line. What are we going to do? We can’t afford a new one, I doubt a mutual aid post would get answered at this time of the month. I just feel like everything is too much, it’s just endless struggle over things that should be small to fix but are just insurmountable without money. Even going to the laundrette is out, aside from us both being too disabled to carry heavy laundry bags too and from the car to the laundrette, the expense would be unaffordable. Having to pay for either the car park, if we were even able to carry it from the car to the laundrette, or else get a taxi, and the astronomical charges to actually do the washing. It says for a small load to wash it’s £5, I don’t know if you can take pre washed clothes and just dry them there but the tumble driers are £1 for 8 minutes and it says it takes up to 120 minutes to dry a load there, that’s £15 just to dry one load! Completely unaffordable. It would cost about £20 in total each time we did a load of laundry there when taking all these expenses into account. Never going to happen.

This just feels like the final stress on top of everything else. C.S Lewis wrote that if a demon wanted to break a human’s spirit, giving the human one huge challenge wouldn’t do it, as the human might feel inspired to rise to the occasion. Instead, the demon should give the human a never ending series of daily frustrations and minor obstacles that seem small but are difficult, exhausting or impossible to overcome and eventually that will break the human, and he was so right. The struggle to get basic things just never ends, and combined with being ill and in daily pain, always just a brief period away from the net disability reassessment, and having absolutely nothing good to look forward to or hope for, I think I have finally reached my wit’s end. On top of everything else now I can’t even do laundry, when I’m supposed to be disinfecting my clothes regularly because of my skin and foot infections.

Why do I even bother struggling on? This is never going to get better.