I live in a poorer country where I live with less than 10k a year. It’s low but since my country is generally less expensive I can live (and vacation) there with some comfort as long as I don’t go crazy. I’m a frugal person so I don’t miss out on anything.
My sister and brother-in-law went to live in Europe and they are doing very well. Together they easily make 200k. I’m happy for them.
The problem starts when I visit. The country they live in is far more expensive than mine. It isn’t always a problem since I don’t have to pay for accommodation and cooking at home is sustainable. The problem is they always want to eat out and do expensive activities (for my standards). And they always leave out the price until it’s time to pay since the price is meaningless for them. At first they would chip in until my brother-in-law started pulling “it’s your turn to pay now”. Imagine being given a dinner tab that is almost as much as your monthly paycheck.
Visiting has become stressing as hell, when I should be relaxing. I tried to talk about it, that eating at home would be more affordable for me, but they quickly go back to old habits. At this point I just decided it’s not worth it to visit anymore and blow my year savings in a few days. They’re not happy and, as much as I try, I can’t make them understand how much money I make. They can’t understand you can’t buy 100 euro meals everyday when you earn less than a 200 a week.
It’s also not much better when they visit our country but at least I know what prices to expect and since I’m home I can find an excuse to ditch them.
Maybe we have just grown appart and that’s that.
I understand it. I have emigrated like your sister, only that my relationship with money is not the standard. Given the terrible inflation, I was used to live without any savings… I was making 500 USD per month, and spending everything. Some (poorer) friends perhaps only liked me because of that. I think it’s not like I was buying their love or anything… just didn’t mind. Tried to be quite stoic/ anarchist about it. But then, that’s me.
The standard (capitalist) way to go about money is that it’s yours as your soul. It’s an essence. You don’t share. Unless when you do a gift (e.g. birthdays)… And, even couples split tabs. Also, the standard (patriarchal) way about money is that Males pay. So your brother in law is just spitting the misery cassette.
We (commentators) can blame all we want on this people. It won’t make OP feel any better.
OP: I think that a difficult talk with your sister and/or brother in law is due. Perhaps even a letter (you can also ask someone else to proofread/ help). Tell them how you feel… That way, they’ll know why you are not visiting so often. If they are really shitty about it and get mad or anything else other than comprehend, then that’s onto them.
PS. Do they have kids? I am an uncle, and my niece is in another country. But thankfully, since I emigrated, I have a not-so-dissimilar salary to my brother so I can plan holidays together… I’m actually looking forward to that. It will be our first.