No, it’s not socially acceptable. Yes, I wish it were. I don’t know if I’d go for full on snuggling but I come from a physically affectionate family and in general wish people were more comfortable with that kind of thing
Interesting. I come from a family that wasn’t very physically affectionate, and I hug most of my friends every time I see them.
I go for the hug when I see friends I haven’t seen in a long time, or when I’m parting ways with someone I know I won’t see for a while. But it’s definitely not a regular occurrence
I mentioned in my other reply that my hiking group hugs when we meet, which started as a joke when the women did, then stuck. Now, when someone new joins you can feel the emotion of missing out when they arrive, and the acceptance when it happens as they leave.
Next time a mixed gender group meets, and the women hug the women and men, etc, start a ridiculous laugh and pretend to hug one of the dudes. If he does, you may have started a trend.
No, it’s not socially acceptable. Yes, I wish it were.
Like, does this mean you are afraid of other people you don’t know judging you, or that you or your friends find it socially unacceptable?
Either way that seems to be more of an individual problem rather than a social one. I am physically affectionate with my friends and have never been confronted about it by a member of the public , not that I would really care if I were. People be dumb, I’m not going to let someone else’s projected homophobia dictate my friendship.
That it would be viewed as awkward and unwelcome by the other participants. Consent is key, yo
That’s a good view. You’d be surprised who is down for a hug, though.
My friend group usually goes for the handshake hug. This led to things like when someone is having a hard time we hug it out.
We also compliment each other a lot. It’s nice. Some of these guys didn’t get compliments until our group started doing it to each other. You can watch someone who doesn’t get a lot of compliments change their body language from closed off to confident just by letting them know you like their shirt or that their haircut looks great.
Start easy with the handshake back pat. Easing into it can overcome some of the awkwardness that causes people to shy away from physical contact. Not everyone will be down for it, and you’re right that consent is key. Maybe it won’t work, but you’re not out anything by giving it a shot.
Wait, so you all are telling me that you don’t kiss the homies goodnight?
I’m a big hugger. I wish that there was more affection between men, I often worry I’m making other men uncomfortable and then in turn I get uncomfortable about it. The whole thing makes me far more stressed than I wish it did honestly.
There’s one guy in my little group of friends who is an unapologetic hugger, even though the rest of us don’t really hug he’ll always hug everyone goodbye. I’d say it’s possible some guys don’t enjoy it, but I actually really appreciate it about him, it’s nice getting a hug and sometimes I really need one.
For anyone who really doesn’t like it they can always offer their hand first, but on behalf of all the guys who need a little affection from their buds sometimes I wanna say thanks for being there for the friends who need it. Even if they never say so I’m sure some of them appreciate it.
I’ve been watching Bridgerton lately and it took me too long to realize that “offering their hand” meant handshake.
Like, how is proposing less familiar than hugging?
My sister’s partner is like that. His whole family is the same, from what I could see. It’s not as natural for me, despite my family not being particularly cold either. It’s a me problem, though, so IMHO it shouldn’t deter you. Keep normalizing that shit.
No. No
Why?
I prefer women for physical affection.
I do, too, but I’ll take a good hug from anyone I know and care about. I’ve noticed my male friends who are black seem to add a hug into a handshake far far, far more often than my white male friends. In fact, other than my oldest friend, I don’t think any of my white male friends have ever hugged me.
Hugging, definitely.
Snuggling, maybe? Like maybe we both fell asleep in the back of a van and ended up snuggling a bit and when we woke up we’re not weirded out by it.
Wrestling, maybe, but it would probably be with kids or pets around. I can’t remember doing it but I wouldn’t be weirded out by it.
It wasn’t always this way though. I was raised southern Baptist. Becoming OK with male physical interactions and homosexuality was a journey, and I am much happier with how accepting I am now than when I said I was as a Christian who had this low-key hypocritical “I know the truth of god and accept everybody” while also looking down on sinners.
I have a gay friend who came to visit me and we went around the city and to a house party and had a great time and then fell asleep in the beach. The next day he said “that was one of the best dates I’ve ever been on” and it caught me off guard because I was just “hanging out”, but if it had been a girl, it would have been a great date, and I thought “ok, sure, it was a ‘date’ with a guy friend and that’s ok.” It was a big step for me.
Not really a response related to the post prompt, but more your comment…
I grew up on a farm in rural NC. Graduated college with a film degree & headed west to LA. I wound up rooming with a friend a from high school, his girlfriend, & her friend from fashion school…
…who turned out to be a 6’7”, 225lbs, gay volleyball player & ex-cheerleader from Korea.
My friend only knew me as the little redneck kid who used to throw rocks at rabbits & swore too much growing up. He lectured me on behaving around a gay man & really made a big deal about not being ass to our roommate.
4 years later I transitioned & got my first makeup lessons from that roommate. He became my drag mom 🤣
Time is a mindfuck sometimes…
Thats a super cute story 😁
Hugging yes, but with a very limited range of friends, and I don’t have much.
I’m okay with a guy initiating a hug, but sometimes it takes me by surprise. But it’s a good surprise.
I feel it’s acceptable, just doesn’t happen often.
Yeah, that’s become the norm I feel. Plenty of my guy friends are huggers, even when we see each other pretty regularly. But not all of them. Plenty of them are just handshakers, some are dappers (especially after lockdown/covid panic), and a few are just “don’t touch me.”…-ers.
I can’t seem to shake off the loud “It’s Gay” inside my head when something like that happens. Now if it’s a kid or a senior at work patting me, sure no problem. Occasional hugs upon meeting friends after a while, handshakes etc are fine. Anything else is too awkward for me
I can’t seem to shake off the loud “It’s Gay” inside my head when something like that happens.
a very small part of me is glad i’m gay when i encounter one of the many ways that straight men are so terrified of being perceived as gay. it’s a bit like watching the video of a child freaking out in shallow water because he couldn’t touch the ground only to be corrected by being pushed into standing; except that this casual homophobia has MASSIVE impacts on people’s psyches and how they treat others.
I find it interesting to watch people’s behaviors in various circles. Some are very physically affectionate among friends or even acquaintances, others are super awkward, but then those super awkward people are incredibly physically affectionate with pets (wrestling with them in the grass, picking them up, snuggling with them on the couch, etc). It’s an interesting cultural dynamic to watch.
People have interesting social filters that drop at a moment’s notice when pets or alcohol are involved, haha.
Pets are often the comfort that humans aren’t
I dislike touching people or being touched. Not that I have a phobia is suffer from, I just don’t like it and try to avoid it when possible. So no, I am not physically affectionate with other friends (male or female alike).
Before there was a pandemic, touching people for welcome or goodbye was common (i.e “shaking hands”). But fortunately this is no longer the case. There are still some disrespectful and non-considerate persons around who want to touch you just to say hello, but they’re in the minority.
Nope. Nope.
I don’t mind a hug, but I have zero desire to snuggle or wrestle with my friends, male or female.
But everyone wants to snuggle squirrels
We’re snuggly right up until we get bitey.
That’s when the fun starts
That’s what I have a cat for
No I’m not.
And honestly I’d say no I wouldn’t want it to be.
I have friends I will happily hug if we’ve been apart for a while.
Snuggling definitely sets off some kind of panic reaction in me however. Also, when unknown guys get too close, fight or flight immediately kicks in.
I’m sure there is nothing to unpack there… nothing at all
No.
Yes, I wish it was more socially acceptable, but I still wouldn’t be physically affectionate. Because autism.
Same, also autistic. There are very few people I don’t dislike touching me.
It also depends where people touch me. Shake my hand: that’s okay; touching my head/hair, big no. Haircuts are super uncomfortable.
I moved to the south from the north. Everyone here wants to hug.
Please kill me.
Hugging, definitely. No playful wrestling since high school, and what there was there was definitely more motivated by competition and testosterone than affection.
As for snuggling, I wouldn’t want to snuggle with anyone that I didn’t have at least some sexual attraction to, unless I was in serious emotional distress and just needed it for the reversion to childhood. So I don’t snuggle with guys. I don’t know of many straight women who snuggle with their platonic friends either, beyond like sharing a blanket for a movie.
I’m not physically affectionate with anyone. I hate to be touched, especially by men.
Yep, a greeting hug when you meet a friend is very common here. Sometimes it is a handshake with pat on the shoulder, or just a handshake.
Don’t really think about it much
Guy, that’s the classic bro hug, in and out. This guy is talking about snuggling lol.
