I’ve gone on 6 dates with this guy and I really like who he is and we have a lot of shared values and similar interests. He’s not the typical type of guy I go for though. But I felt like maybe I’ll just go with what my body is telling me and I want to kiss him and hold hands and stuff, which we have done. But I feel like I’m not sure.

I went over to his apartment yesterday and we were making out on his bed and I was thinking in my head that I hope this doesn’t escalate beyond this. I was scared that I wouldn’t like what I see if he took of his shirt. Or I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to perform if I wasn’t sure how attracted I was to him. It could also be just anxiety because I have not had sex in years (by choice) and I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I also don’t have much dating experience outside of first and second dates.

Towards the end of our date I did feel like I just wanted to home, but I’m not sure if it’s because I don’t like him as much as I thought or because I barely got any sleep the night before and we just spent a lot of time walking around.

I previously kept seeing him because of everything I like in him and I thought maybe I don’t have the infatuation sort of feeling but maybe I can develop a slow love over time that might be stronger. I would like to keep seeing him to see how things go going forward, but I don’t want to be leading him on if it’s not going to work.

I was thinking maybe I could communicate how I’m feeling and see if he wants to keep trying or idk. I’m just lost.

  • Dr. Wesker@lemmy.sdf.orgEnglish
    301·
    5 months ago

    Maybe you’re overthinking everything. And communicating all this to him seems like creating unnecessary complication. If you’re still interested and want to keep exploring what’s there, it’s likely not leading him on. He’s an adult, he can make his own conclusions, and end it if he feels it’s a dead end.

    • Azzu@lemm.eeEnglish
      41·
      5 months ago

      I disagree a lot. In a dating context, it’s ultimately amazing to be able to be honest to each other about everything.

      Sure, it might hurt his feelings/complicate things if it’s communicated to him. But it’s the truth of the relationship, of the feelings for the other person. Sharing it might just as well lead to them growing closer together because the response will be understanding and compassion, and one party is taking the leap of showing real vulnerability, opening themselves up.

      I would appreciate it a lot if someone I was dating was able to share their real feelings openly like this, even if they’re not “I find you absolutely amazing, I can’t find any flaws with you, we’re 100% compatible”.

      Of course this might be overthinking. But I’d also like to know if I get to know someone, that they overthink too much. Everyone has flaws, a relationship is also about understanding and accepting the flaws and maybe even helping with them.

    • valkyrie@lemmy.mlOPEnglish
      31·
      5 months ago

      Thanks, I think I do want to keep exploring so maybe I will and just try my best to get over my fears and then hopefully I will learn the answers to my questions that way.