Thanks for responding. Hope you find meds that work.

Yea, I am afraid of that “flat” feeling. I feel like so much of my creativity, excitement, friendships, happy memories in general are from hypomania. Like my defining characteristics, my “spark”, will be gone.

I get that my life is dysfunctional and the lows are debilitating, but the highs were the only time I was ever happy and I’m afraid the drugs will make me numb.

I just keep thinking, what is even the point?