If the bottle spins, someone has to spend time in your company doing something you enjoy. You and your friends all agree. The bottle lands on you, and suddenly whatever it was you enjoy is not just “unenjoyable” but is actively repulsive to the other people. Ironically, I’d expect people to be repulsed by having to do half my hobbies, so this isn’t a perfect reframing.
Apologies if I’m not being sensitive to your thought patterns. But there must be a way of reframing this that you can see why someone would be upset that their “friends” find them actively repulsive to even be around.
I think you’ve got a good approach. I’m not fully allosexual myself, but it seems to me the most painful part of this would be the loss of esteem. To be excluded from anything so blatantly…
People want to be liked. It means social safety, inclusion in a group. Sexuality is just one of its expressions.
Social stuff is hard for many people. I’d wager most people are not even consciously aware of social status, social transactions, etc. It’s not something that is really taught, so it’s no surprise when someone is blind to it.
But if you ever feel bad because of what someone said or did, it’s possible you’re subconsciously reacting to a threat to your status (import and safety within a group).
(i really still dont get it. I dont see whats repulsive about it. But it is interesting. Like i guess its just weird to me. Like if you know there is a possibility of it landing on the one everyone is repulsed by, why play? Like mathematically youre better off playing when that person isnt around? Or is that just not really a concern until it eventually does happen?)
Remove the romance element from it.
If the bottle spins, someone has to spend time in your company doing something you enjoy. You and your friends all agree. The bottle lands on you, and suddenly whatever it was you enjoy is not just “unenjoyable” but is actively repulsive to the other people. Ironically, I’d expect people to be repulsed by having to do half my hobbies, so this isn’t a perfect reframing.
Apologies if I’m not being sensitive to your thought patterns. But there must be a way of reframing this that you can see why someone would be upset that their “friends” find them actively repulsive to even be around.
I think you’ve got a good approach. I’m not fully allosexual myself, but it seems to me the most painful part of this would be the loss of esteem. To be excluded from anything so blatantly…
People want to be liked. It means social safety, inclusion in a group. Sexuality is just one of its expressions.
(is it possible i just dont understand social stuff at all? I still dont get it. Maybe im just this damaged.)
Social stuff is hard for many people. I’d wager most people are not even consciously aware of social status, social transactions, etc. It’s not something that is really taught, so it’s no surprise when someone is blind to it.
But if you ever feel bad because of what someone said or did, it’s possible you’re subconsciously reacting to a threat to your status (import and safety within a group).
Why do you say you’re damaged?
(i really still dont get it. I dont see whats repulsive about it. But it is interesting. Like i guess its just weird to me. Like if you know there is a possibility of it landing on the one everyone is repulsed by, why play? Like mathematically youre better off playing when that person isnt around? Or is that just not really a concern until it eventually does happen?)