ID: Drawing of a duck billed platypus underwater, they’re wearing a rainbow coloured t shirt and a pink bum-bag, and saying: “Ally is not something you can self-identify as, it’s a title that you earn. Let your actions speak for themselves!”
Credit: Sophie Labelle
You must log in or register to comment.
Wow, this thread had me bringing out the ban hammer a lot!
Yeah and judging by the modlog, pretty arbitrary. I was expecting transphobia or similar, but the banned people were just annoyed by OPs “smugness” and then ban reasons are “you’re not the victim” or “playing victim when told he has to earn allyship”??? These are not real reasons no? Im not suggesting a power trip but are you OPs aunt in need of defending them or what.
There is no space on this instance or its communities for “allies” who think the tone of queer folks comics is the real issue that needs to be talked about
Thank you so much for diving in to the cesspit, I knew there would be some push back, there always is, but I didn’t think it’d get this bad (and I have a lot of these people blocked already, so I can only imagine, because I’m not going to look, not today satan!). Sorry you have to spend your time dealing with the mess! 😩
I’ve had people misgender me and try to convince me not to transition and then go claim to be trans allies because they don’t call people slurs and will say that killing trans people is bad if asked
I agree with speaking with your actions here, but at the same time, this seems like some weirdly unnecessary gatekeeping.
If you’re not actually doing any allyship, in what sense are you an ally?
Theoretical allyship is irrelevant.
Simply saying out loud you support it IS supporting it.
I mean, it’s the minimum amount, but thats more than none.
What is allyship to you?
Does one need to be overtly politically active or can one simply change minds in their social circles?
Must they sign petitions and call politicians or can they simply be a comforting or understanding shoulder to a marginalised person?
How much legwork is required to be an Ally? Is there a scorecard to keep in order to meet criteria?
Obviously, passive acceptance without any action isn’t explicit allyship but must one be openly militant about LGBT issues in order to be considered an ally?
Does the real answer not lie somewhere in between? Maybe on a spectrum or sliding scale?
The real answer is measured in how your actions have affected the lives of the people you claim to be an ally of.
No, this isn’t always practical to measure, but if someone is saying “I’m an ally because I identify as an ally”, I’m certain they have done absolutely nothing to protect/advance the rights of LGBT+ people.
So in your opinion indirect action may as well be inaction?
Say I have coworkers with certain opinions on gendering people, use of pronouns or who still use dated terms like “Tranny” or “Shemale”.
I spend my days correcting them when they misgender or reminding them of acceptable words to describe people. I have political discussions where we come to terms about how LGBT rights are human rights. They’ve corrected their behaviour and now speak of LGBT folks in a kinder light.
I don’t directly see how those actions affect LGBT folks. I don’t have tangible evidence I have made a person’s life better through my actions.
Am I an Ally or not?
No, indirect action is a form of action, stopping a transphobe from being transphobic is a form of allyship, because presumably, you’ve saved a trans person from feeling unsafe around that person.
Because you stated that, on the presumption their actions prevented transphobia, that person would be an ally. But that presumption can only be fact checked by themselves anyway; Does this not mean then, that a person should have the right to label themselves an ally if they self-assess their actions as allyship?
Or does someone have to ally-check each of their actions once performed with some sort of… council or committee, as I have here?
If someone feels like this post (or any other boundary set by the people they claim to want to support) is keeping them from being an ally, they never were one in the first place.
Absolutely unhinged
I’ll take that over being a piece of shit bigot… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
You live in a fantasy world. Nothing you believe is real
Help us out though, what can we do to be better allies? I try to be a good one, but I don’t know if I’m coming up short.
When you see someone being queerphobic, call them out. Tell them they’re wrong. And if they waste time arguing with you, that’s time they’re too busy to attack a queer person to their face.
Step 1: learn how to do your own work instead of expecting (or even demanding) marginalised people expend our time, energy, and emotional labour doing it for you.
You’re doing everything you can to push well-meaning people away lol
If this is what it takes to push you away, it was never about being an ally in the first place, but about stroking your own ego.
This smug copypasta can be applied to any minority or marginalized group, but it’s still not helpful.
Intersectionalism is important because everyone has a different experience - to expect me to internalize their struggles by reading a book or watching a video essay is absurd. You need to tell your story, we need to give space and listen. Crossing your arms and saying “do your own research” is unproductive - a well meaning ‘normie’ who is not terminally online doesn’t know where to start, autodidacts almost always have terribly shallow knowledge pools.
You, the person living through your experience, are the subject matter expert - why reject that authority that people have granted you and shown that they are ready and willing to listen to you?
You need to tell your story, we need to give space and listen.
Lmfao, not how it works, labour digger.
Edit just to clarify: Millions of people have already written about their lived experience of oppression (as a disabled person, as a queer person, as a Black person, as a Muslim, as a Jew, as every. single. marginalised group out there), you people don’t get to demand a personalised education from every marginalised person you come across, we don’t owe you shit especially when you won’t even open a search engine and make the most basic effort to learn for yourself.
And like I said, your average normie does not exist in the circles and spaces where those stories are highlighted and shared. Their biggest exposure may very well be a literature teacher years ago at school, broadcast news’ puddle deep coverage of the topic, or workplace sensitivity pamphlets.
You can scold them to do better, to do your own work, just like you did to the prior commenter who was asking a genuine question from a place of well meaning ignorance, and wanted to do better and requested help with a starting point. And you basically told them to gtfo - great message, screw them for exposing their lock of understanding and trying (humble as it may be) to be better.
I have a bigoted uncle, and despite knowing and being in a circle with a trans woman, he still deadnamed her regularly behind her back and openly confessed astounded bewilderment as to “why anyone does that”. Until I shared a personal anecdote of my lightbulb moment that took me from (admittedly) privileged indifference and ignorance, to understanding why people transition and how living your life wearing the mask society assigned you whilst grappling of gender dysphoria destroys you slowly from the inside. I had no personal struggle to share beyond that understanding, I could have also smugly told him to “do your own reading” - but guess what? He no longer deadnames her, and more and more frequently mentions her positively without the follow-up commentary. THAT is the kind of change that can exist if you try to meet people where they are at.
Nobody says you owe them emotional/mental labor to be seen or deemed worthy of human rights, but snapping at potential allies turns away people who might come onside. I was one of those people, who could have very easily continued to do nothing.
Counterpoint: you can absolutely self identify as an Ally. For example, I self identity as an Ally and there ain’t shit this adorable platypus can do to stop me.
I’m an Ally because I choose to be, by my words and my actions and the example I set for my children every day. I don’t need an attaboy from any marginalized group to confirm I’m on the right side of history. We do what’s right because it’s right. Full stop.
Who do you self identify as an ally of? France? Bosnia? Laos? Do you have a treaty?
How dare you accuse me of being an ROG ally. I am clearly a steam deck.
Taking actions to be an Ally has risks for folks in some places. Where I am LBGTQA+ support is the norm and doesn’t really need to be spoken and when it is I’ve never heard anyone in over 10 years say a negative thing.
I have online though seen folks who try to speak up in Allyship of someone else get taken down. Subjected to purity tests by folks in an LGBTQA+ supporting community. It felt like the same bi erasure I’ve experienced and the same transphobia I’ve seen from parts of the LG community in the 2000s. It’s like saying someone isn’t gay if they haven’t come out. All it does is lessen the crew.
LGBTQA+ shouldnt be treated as a club with a rainbow dress code. It should be the future default standpoint of all of humanity.
