I’m just done. I’m always going to be reduced to a disorder I don’t have, and a skin color. I’ll always be worse than every terrorist or extremist for wanting to be treated normally.
Everyone is against my fight for my own humanity. I give up on living in this society where my only purpose is to inspire all the people without disorders despite having no disorder, and to prove a point to racists who don’t even know I exist that a black woman can accomplish things in the same world as all these black celebrities and successful people.
What more “proof” do they need, and why must I live a life of being used? There’s no point in perpetually living like a “prestigious” child where every mundane accomplishment is broadcast to the world because I managed to do it despite being… what? Despite being what?
Literally saying a black person can’t accomplish anything is racist, but being astonished and “inspired” when a black person accomplishes something isn’t? Why is it so special if I accomplish something that wouldn’t be noticed if a white person did it?
I give up on living as a circus animal to flaunt around for clout, for nothing in return. I give up on living.
I hate that a lot of people were out at the time. I planned on jumping in front of the train today but there were kids at the station ffs ugh just like Christmas 2018 when I was going to do the same thing and backed out because I didn’t want to traumatize Actually Loved kids who would have bullied me if they were in my life as a kid. Like why should I do anything for the world that clearly wants me gone. Fuck this shit. Why can’t I just get euthanized? Fuck calling 988 they probably got me on a list I fucking call them like every week at this point. I am done with life. I will constantly run and never hide from a disorder I never had for my whole life. I will never be human. I did everything I wanted already, just let me die.