That’s kind of a component of the problem though: everybody thinks that they’re parenting good and you may be able to teach them other things but usually you can’t tell them how to raise their children. There’s, just like a cognitive resistance to that. Some sort of cultural narcissism about the very act of parenting.

I don’t think anyone thinks you shouldn’t avoid abusers. Everyone’s already doing our best. If it was something that can be done on an individual level or simply being raised right, they wouldn’t be a problem. You should read into the concept of “whisper networks” though. They’re a flawed tool but they’re sadly the most effective systemic solution for some women to avoid predatory men. They kind of fail outside of that specific dynamic though

I worry your final sentiment there is a trap. We men are dying because we’re trying to navigate this alone. We need to be there for another and teach another how to break this problem which is cyclical. Yes, the system is built to turn us into monsters but I got out. Women in my life taught me to divest myself of power even though they were themselves victimized. And if you’re on this comm then you’re obviously looking for a way out of that cycle too. I haven’t looked at your profile but I assume you’ve reached out to guide other men along a gentler path at least once in your life.