I wish I never told anyone I worked or studied tech. Especially older family and friends, because their requests for help are relentless.
A lot of friends are chill with it, and I don’t mind doing a little bit of help, but sometimes people are who are OFFENDED when you don’t want to help. In the same way a contractor friend won’t remodel your home for free, I am not going to fix every single issue you have with your computer for free. I’m happy to give advice, but i’m not going to work for hours without pay to fix everything.
My father in law was a proctologist - and also a man I didn’t really enjoy spending any time with. One day during one of those strained compulsory family dinners - not sure which, maybe Thanksgiving - he turned to me and said with this false jovial air:
“Hey, you’re a computer guy. I have this problem with my Windows laptop. Could you take a look?” and proceeded to unpack his laptop, which he had brought along, clearly to have me fix it.
So I got up, started undoing my fly and said “Sure! Hey, I have piles. Could you take a look?”
He got up and left without a word, and never came back. His wife kept visiting though, thankfully. She was lovely. But I got rid of him for good that day. But I did have to face the music with my wife 🙂
It’s not just tech shit. Basically, you should never let anyone know that you’re good at something. Ever. Because then you become the fixit person for that thing.
i see you’re good at disguise, could you help me get good at it?
No sorry I’m terribly busy
I’ve been using Linux as an out. “Oh you’re having a windows problem? I got rid of windows 10 years ago, so I can’t really help you with that”.
I do the same thing but leverage networking instead of Linux.
“Sorry, I dont actually know much about computers, but let me know if you want advice about port trunking or configuring a VLAN”
See that’s dangerous though because networks are black magic to most users. Even more so than the computer itself.
I often explain it as though they’re asking an airplane mechanic to fix their Honda Civic. The principals are the same(fuel goes in, rotation comes out) but the machines are so different that doesn’t help much from a practical standpoint
Oh I have questions. I’m not going to ask because thread and because I’m smart enough to know it’s not an easy problem, but that sure wouldn’t be the escape you think it is if we were friends lol.
I hate networking issues. But I’ve replaced every foot of cabling, every networking device, and my ISP and I still get intermittent 2 minute network drops a few times a day. I am to the point of suspecting a rogue smart device is doing something malicious. I need a networking guru friend to annoy.
Total shot in the dark knowing basically nothing about the situation, but if your house is over 10 years old and you also have cable internet, you might have a MoCA filter somewhere along the coax line(I’ve seen them installed outside too)
They were installed all over the place to prevent interference between cable TV and cable Internet, but sometimes they cause problems getting a stable internet connection
I’ve replaced all the wiring out to the service box on the outside of the house. At one point I noticed the network drop coincided with a log message that a different IP6 address was trying to take over (or be handed off) DHCP provider (or maybe it was DNS, it’s been a while since I just gave up and accepted it). Then it will apparently timeout and go back to normal and everything comes back up. That’s why the duration is so predictable.
But at the time I was using a raspberry pi running pihole as my DNS/DHCP providers. I gave up and removed it, thinking I had misconfigured something and that was the cause of the issue, but it’s gone and the drops remain. Now I’m just running everything off of my Orbi mesh. And it’s all acting just like it did with my old Nighthawk (which I’ve left up on a different channel to divide up some of the smart device load but before anyone thinks they are interfering, this issue far predates me blowing $500 on a new router mesh that fixed nothing).
My TVs got really pissed off when the pi was hooked up and I wouldn’t let them call home. Maybe it’s one I’d them, but idk. We have probably 100 different smart devices from 20 different vendors between lights, cameras, thermostat, motion sensors, plugs, vacuums, Alexa’s, TVs and phones. I don’t think it’s sheer volume but I can’t rule it out. Having two different WiFi networks ought to lighten the load but idk.
Anyway, I appreciate the stab. It’s a hard problem, and I’m probably up to the task if I really get pissed enough, but as you can tell by everything I’ve done I’ve already been there a couple of times.
Right now the real annoying thing is, when the network drops, my daughter’s school laptop connects to someone’s Xfinity router (to which we don’t have creds) and never goes back to ours when it’s back and it’s administered by the school so I can’t make it forget that damn Xfinity SSID. She knows how to fix it but I think she tries too fast before it’s back up, then just assumes Internet is down despite the fact that I’m 20’ away on a freaking slack huddle for work…
I’m just venting at this point. Thanks, man. Don’t worry about it unless something I’ve said makes it really obvious.
They know I worked at a computer shop so this wouldn’t work 😫
They know I worked at a computer shop so this wouldn’t work 😫
Are those people who would help you out with free professional help, if you needed? Because that’s what it is, in your case.
My out has been unfortunately true. I got into the corporate IT game. I really have no idea what’s going on in the consumer space if it’s not something I personally deal with.
Which means that when someone asks questions about getting a virus or how to do any little task, I tell them that normally I’d wipe and reimage without a second thought, or tell them to call the help desk.
Similar, I take another system I’m familiar with and use it as an excuse. I know how to program a Cisco router, but heck if I know what an iPhone is, I can’t use them at work. Virus? That’s what the help-desk is for. Look, I work with fax machines, telephones, and video conference systems. The platform I work on is so secure that if we mess with it at all, it disables and we have to have them sent back and pay a lot of money to get them fixed, and I’d lose my job.
Granted, if it’s something simple I’ll help, but I’m not about to troubleshoot aunt May’s login issues for Amazon from 300 miles away.
Solid.
My dad taught me all about motorcycles, cars, lawnmowers, model airplanes, tools, general home repairs, and really an incalculable number of other things. I don’t mind giving him a hand with his PC or iPad once in a while.
Sounds like you are too blunt. Never tell them no. Listen to their problem and just reply with a ‘Id have to look into that’, or an ‘I can come over when I get a chance’. If they persist, have a couple projects they can help you out with and tell them 'sorry Id love to help, but Im (going to the dump / painting the kitchen / gotta do seasonal yard work / etc). If they offer to help you, then you are kinda on the hook to help them. If they dont follow through… you can subtly bring it up (still gotta move that couch). You dont have to be a dick about it. It can be fun messing with folks.
Honestly I’m tech support for some people, but I need help with some of the more advanced stuff, so I have a tech guy too.
If you really want someone to stop bothering you, botch the job.
Or just make yourself out to be utterly incompetent; let them think you’re bad at your job/hobby.
“What happens when you google it? If that doesn’t help I don’t know what else to try, sorry /shrug”
“Ask ChatGPT.”
I came out the otherside by becoming a solutions architect. Now when people ask for my help I say things like “I know how to do that at enterprise scale. Here’s the $10k/month cloud solution.”
People don’t ask as much anymore.
I’d say it’s a pretty general phenomenon. Expertise and entitled consumption of it as a service. Even in a professional setting, with a service/support dynamic, it can be abused through entitlement pretty often.
Oh yeah. Especially when you have a degree in CS, spend your days writing code and thinking about design patterns, and people ask you for advice on what laptop to get. I don’t @#&$ know!
That and old ass infected computers. I’ve used Linux almost exclusively for more than a decade. Fuck if I know how to fix your 10 year old windows desktop.
Physical therapy - i tell everyone to put ice in it and take Aleve for 3 days if it doesn’t interfere with your meds.
I have a friend that’s a doc. We’re not supposed to tell people because they will to spend all night talking to her about their medical problems.
It’s the same with plumbers, accountants, garage door repairers, mechanics, nurses, … everyone.
We all think, “why does everyone want my help for free?” but we’ve all asked someone with a skill for advice.
Had this problem a while ago,y solution was either straight up tell them no, or to say you will do it for a fee and say I didn’t get get all this information for free, it has cost me a lot to learn all this information and then to point out my degree.
If they didn’t like it. That’s not really my problem. I do not ow them my skills and expertise just because I know them.
I would help the ones I know wouldn’t mind if I just said no, and ones that I know that if I helped them once doesn’t mean I always will.
Consent is important and if they can’t understand what no is and that consent can be taken away, then they don’t really deserve the help I can give them.
Entitled people might be vulturing you because you can help them with “tech stuff”, but if you didn’t, they’d either vulture you for something else or outright ignore you. Those people are best avoided.
EDIT: just to be clear.
I’m not opposed to help people out, as long as the other side would help me out if asked to. A great example of that are my front neighbours: sure, they keep asking me for computer help, but I’m happy to do it - because when I need their help I know that I can count on them. (Guess who took care of my cats while I was travelling?)
The problem that I see are the entitled ones; those are the ones who get all pissy when you don’t help them, because they behave like everyone else was born to serve them. Those people are best avoided as much as you can.
Any occupation with significant technical skill gets this treatment, as do any occupations with any significant creative component.
So yes, if you’re in tech you get people begging you to work for free among your circle of family and friends. Same if you’re a doctor. A lawyer. An artist. A musician. Etc. etc. etc.
Smart people making use of such talents will pay, not necessarily in money but in other forms of currency ranging from “a six-pack” through trades of labour (“let me do your dishes while you look at my laptop”) through sometimes less tangible things like introducing you to their own circle of friends and such giving you an opportunity to broaden your network.
Dumb people demand aid and then get offended if you say “no”.
I like to use the good-fast-cheap paradigm for most people. Typically, if I’m giving you something good & cheap/free, then it won’t be done today. If you want something good & fast, can’t be cheap. I can do fast & cheap, but I typically set expectations of like “Uhhh, I can try for 5 mins but [more important thing I need to do.]”
I agree that being the tech expert isn’t great, but it’s usually simple tasks. Most people have something where they are “the specialty person.” You’re tech, but maybe another friend is crafty, another one is good at fixing stuff, another is artistic. We all have different strengths and weaknesses.
I try to imagine good actions/karma as being passed forward; hopefully when I need help, someone looks out for me.
Gonna use that
When I was doing admin work my rule was I would help immediate family and my grandparents for free, but quoted a price to everyone else. I figure my parents deserve it since I wouldn’t be “good at computers” without them and my grandmother always made dinner for me when I stopped by to help. Most of my friends we exchange favors (I’ll help fix their pc they help move appliances into my kitchen) and co workers get a straight bill (usually the eff you price to boot). It’s amazing how fast folks stop asking.
Related, I’m always oddly busy when folks need my pickup “to just move a thing, it’ll only take like 30 mins”.
Ya and fuck printers. Happy Solstice.
