The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/spilledshake on 2025-03-12 21:18:52.

While in college my mom took out a parent plus loan for me to go to college. Prior to the loans being put into 2020’s loan forbearance I paid the loans directly. Once the loans were out of forbearance the loan company changed and I paid my mom via Venmo.

I sent the money monthly and I kept asking for the login information so I could keep track of interest but she ignored me every time. In Sep 2024 my mom finally told me that she didn’t put the funds towards the loan and put it towards her personal life.

I was frustrated because that meant that the interest on these loans was just spiraling from unpaid payments. I told her that I didn’t want to keep paying for the loan if she was gonna be financially irresponsible. She said that she would take care of the interest and put $6K into the loan and that she would give me a break from paying until further notice.

I want to note that during this time my mom was going through a divorce with my father while her dad was in hospice (he passed in July 2024). While I understand she was going through a hard time, she started to lash out at me and my siblings in unjustified ways. I was the closest sibling to my mom and tried to be supportive but it got to the point where I set a boundary and told her that if she crosses the boundary again, I am cutting contact with her. Well, she crossed the boundary so I told her that I was gonna cut contact. This happened in Jan 2025.

She is now talking through my older sibling to tell me the login info for the account (but still hasn’t told me who the provider is) saying that she wants me to start paying the loan again. I’m conflicted because while I don’t have the evidence I am certain she never paid the $6k+ interest. In addition, I can almost say for certain she still hasn’t made any payments on the account since she said she would “fix it”. I don’t want to pay for this loan at all. She made a series of choices that led to our falling out in addition to being financially clumsy. I pride myself in being an honest guy and not paying for it feels like it’s going against my values.

Last few notes: 1) My parents are no longer getting divorced and I don’t want to saddle my dad with the debt by proxy. 2) I found out last week from my mom’s sister that my mom has a long standing history of stealing money from her siblings and her parents. Before I was 18,she siphoned out $3k from my accounts and never paid me back for it. 3) The last known balance is $25k as of 2020 with 6.5% interest. If it was just a few grand left, I would just pay it and be done.

So now it is a total of $9k she took from me and is saying that she is going to “proceed with recovery”. I take it she means that she is going to try doing loan recovery to get me to pay it instead even though it is legally under her name. WIBTA if I don’t pay the loan on her behalf?