cross-posted from: https://thelemmy.club/post/38371177

So, way back in third grade, I [bigender] met my childhood friend “Steve” [M]. In around fifth grade, I had the hugest crush on him and didn’t know how to control my emotions so I became really jealous and possessive when he would spend time with others, especially when he didn’t include me.

I really liked his eyes and personality and found him the most handsome boy in the world. I wrote stuff about him in my journal every day and even wrote a letter to my 18-year-old self asking if I ended up married to him.

I even ended up doing this “super secret date” thing but our parents ended up finding out.

After about a year, I ended up moving on and we both stopped liking each other that way and just stayed best friends.

We have been best friends, always together for years, and I never thought I would end up liking him again.

I thought I would end up together “forever” with each partner I had, even with my last partner “Karen” since she said she would marry me. However, she wasn’t ready to date, and we broke up and stayed friends.

I, afterwards, ended up liking Steve and asked him out. He said “Sure, we could try dating”. And I know it’s real soon since we only started dating like last week but I’d like to know about how long until we should start flirting, saying “I love you”, etc.

I also found out Steve liked me on-and-off for several years but was always too shy to make a move. I asked him if he still liked me before asking him out, and he said “I won’t say yes, but it’s not a no.”

I’m used to saying I love you casually with especially my ex-girlfriends, but this feels different and I’m shyer around guys, generally. I’m only this confident to ask him out because I knew he liked me and he’s been my friend for years.

Anyway, his dad has a somewhat negative opinion of me from what I’ve heard from Steve, and has always thought I liked him and was trying to get him to do sexual things. The latter is not true whatsoever.

We can’t say anything in front of people we know or parents because we’re trying to keep it a secret from people we know IRL, and everyone we know already thinks we’re dating anyway but whatever. I don’t want it to be a huge thing, plus I’m really shy.

  • Cevilia (she/they/…)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    2·
    7 days ago

    how long until we should start flirting

    I just wanna pick apart this one question, because there’s no objective answer to this. Every person is different, and every relationship is different. Did you know that there are some people who flirt casually, with almost everyone? And that some people who’ve been in relationships for decades never flirt? The only people who’re qualified to answer this are you and Steve. Certainly not a weird-ass elf-lady lesbian on the Internet. :)

    How would you feel about sitting down with him, maybe with a little alcohol or whatever your favourite social lubricant is, and talking about this? I get that men don’t talk about their feelings in the same way we do, but every successful relationship is built on communication, so maybe that’s a good way forward?