Give me your worst, Lemmy! Absolutely nothing is off limits. Let’s get fucking weird!
I post this here because /c/iama doesn’t seem to be a thing…
Don’t hold back you jerks!
EDIT: It’s just about 05:00 for me. Night night! I’ll answer any other questions. In a few hours!
Vim or Emacs?
Vim all the way!!
Are you AVAB (assigned Vim at birth) or are you trans-editor?
Definitely AVAB. I love working through a terminal. One cannot do everything on iTerm2 as one could do on a Debian distro, but it gets pretty close.
Have you even tried emacs?
Gotta be honest…Maybe once.
sudo apt install mousepad
For most tasks, it’s fine. I originally bought a MacBook because I wanted to do Obj-C programming for iPhone OS, as it was called at that time. However, my ex-wife became pregnant and gave birth to our son. He is almost 16 now, and I cannot seem to find the joy in anything that I once did. He is a sophomore now, once he starts college, I will try to chase my dream of being an indie iOS dev. I really wanted to be a r.petrich of JB fame, but it seems that JB is not for the masses anymore.
I would recommend giving it a try, there is doomemacs if you’re feeling like learning or spacemacs if you don’t. Both have a vi-like usage.
What’s the hardest part of being out as trans, other than the obvious transphobes? The subtle stuff most people don’t think about, I mean.
Not the OP, but if you are soliciting opinions…
For me it’s the fact that nobody really believes us when we talk about our issues or even the things we personally experience. Even well meaning people, even friends, immediately assume that we are exaggerating or imagining things when we talk, or assume they know better about what is or is not harmful to us.
Like the obvious hateful transphobes are one thing. But getting that attitude from people one knows personally is tiring and more than a little scary.
This may not apply to you but I might be able to offer some perspective from the other side here. I’ve been very close with someone through their 3+ years transitioning. I often had to tell my friend that situation she is complaining about was not transphobic or say “ok so what?”
In the beginning she would receive lots of weird looks, rude comments and misgendering. These would crush her and when she thought she was making good progress these comments would drag her back to square one. I understand how traumatizing that must have been.
But as the transition got more underway and she passed better this was happening less and less but my friend still held those insecurities and kept seeing weird looks and finding “rude” comments in places where they didn’t exist. This obviously didn’t change how they felt but I think its important for them to understand that this was in their head and can be solved by them being more confident. I gave their examples leeway and only battled on situations where I was very confident but I’m sure there were times I dismissed legitimate complaints.
She’s settled now and is living her life normally only rarely getting slapped with a transphobic comment and when that happens can take it in her stride.
I believe that yas girling every complaint is unhealthy and does not promote growth. The people around you need to disagree with you and ground you in reality sometimes. And sometimes trans people’s complaint are exaggerated or imagined.
This part may be a hot take but I think even when a trans person did receive a mean comment it can be fine to dismiss their complaints. If they are years into transition and getting upset over someone being mean then they need to find a way to cope better because it’s not healthy to let people you don’t care about have that kind emotional power over you.
Thank you for proving my point.
Fun fact about the person you’re responding to…
In another thread they said they don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom, even after taking a shit. So that’s the kind of person you’re dealing with lmao.
no problem.
Just to be clear here.
Firstly, your previous comment was off the mark. While people misgendering you and being nasty to you is a part of being trans, that isn’t all I was talking about.
Trans people today are facing systemic threats. The things I worry about aren’t if someone is going to misgender me or be mean to me, but if I’m going to be able to maintain access to my healthcare, or if I’m going to be discriminated against in the workplace, or if I’m going to be harassed or maybe even assaulted if I go out dressed as I please. In other places in the world, families are being separated if the parent or child is transgender, and mainstream conservative politicians and influencers are calling for us to be forcibly detransitioned, or in some cases imprisoned or even killed because they consider us obscene, predatory, and a danger to women and children. It’s not mean, it’s genocidal. And it’s not fringe either, in both the US and the UK transphobia is not just popular, it’s policy.
If trans people only had to deal with getting misgendered now and then, I would be incredibly happy.
And your comment is an example of what I meant about people not really believing us. The default assumption a lot of cisgender people make is that the main problems transgender people face are about misgendering or pronouns or something, when the real problems are far more material, and far more dangerous. But even as I typed the above paragraph, I know there are people reading it who are going to think that I’m exaggerating. Even people who think that they are trans-supportive.
But then secondly, yeah. A trans person is telling you about what they go through, the transphobia they face, and you are explaining at them about why they are wrong about their own experiences. You haven’t experienced what they have, and if you are cisgender, you likely aren’t able to experience it. You say you understand the trauma. But you don’t. I promise you, you do not.
I don’t know what your friend was telling you. Maybe she was exaggerating, or imagining things. I don’t know. But if I were a betting person? I would favour the odds that you were dismissing legitimate concerns, and invalidating your friend. Because that’s what it is, nine times out of ten, in my experience.
I love how you insert your anecdotal bullshit into this person’s life and then try and tell them that they are wrong.
You’re both right, by the way.
Did you mean to respond to someone else?
If my comment was off the mark and my comment was not what you’re talking about then it is not an example of people not believing you its an example of me thinking you were talking about something else.
You said “nobody really believes us when we talk about our issues or even the things we personally experience.” if your friends don’t believe you when you are saying that trans people are facing political issues like losing rights, healthcare, being discriminated against or even being assaulted then I would question how you think these people are trans supportive. These are all very obvious facts that every left leaning person should be aware of and you should be able to point to countless examples to back up your point. I might push back against the point of being assaulted for going out in public, I think thats statistically unlikely and the average person shouldnt be worried about that. But if your friends are leftists then they should be aware of the dangers women and especially trans women experience and I doubt they would push back on that. I dont think your friends are trans supportive they just dont hate trans people. Maybe they have never looked at the news.
"A trans person is telling you about what they go through, the transphobia they face, and you are explaining at them about why they are wrong about their own experiences. " Ok but they are actually wrong about the experience so do you think I should just go along with it and be like yas girl the world is against you all the people close to you hate you, random people on the streets are judging you and being transphobic behind your back. Thats fucking stupid and not helpful.
I swear im the only person on the internet who treats trans people like normal people and not porcelain people who require 100 layers of bubble wrap just to go outside. I just read your comment and then thought about the times my trans friends have told me things that I didnt believe. I couldn’t imagine them saying x political legislation is being passed and then saying nah you are imagining that. I can imagine saying they are exaggerating the impact of political legislation depending on what it is.
There’s a difference between alleviating someone’s fears when they are overthinking an interaction, and dismissing someone’s concerns as exaggeration or imaginings.
Maybe you are only doing the former. But your comment was wall-to-wall red flags.
If my comment was off the mark and my comment was not what you’re talking about then it is not an example of people not believing you its an example of me thinking you were talking about something else.
And the fact that you thought I was just talking about people being nasty, suggested part of the problem I am referring to. I am glad at least you are aware of the systemic issues trans people face, most people are not.
I can imagine saying they are exaggerating the impact of political legislation depending on what it is.
Yeah. This right here is the exact thing I’m talking about.
Because I point out those policies, and I get told I’m exaggerating about their effects and impact. Or I point out the transphobic rhetoric of politicians, celebrities, and influencers, and I get told I’m exaggerating about their effects and impact.
And I know multiple trans women in my friend group in a major world city who have had assholes try and physically mess with them. It’s not as rare as you perhaps want to believe. It’s not up to you to decide what other people are concerned about. It’s one thing to alleviate someone’s fears by reassuring them that assault is not likely. But it’s another thing entirely to dismiss their concerns as overblown.
I swear im the only person on the internet who treats trans people like normal people and not porcelain people who require 100 layers of bubble wrap just to go outside.
You can sod right off with this condescension, yeah? Trans people put up with inordinate amounts of crap, just trying to get by day to day. We get harassed and accused of the most vile things, we get discriminated against in healthcare and employment, we’re a political football and we see our lives being debated on the news on a weekly basis, we get kicked out or have to flee our homes.
We aren’t porcelain. We aren’t delicate. Quite the opposite.
But yeah sometimes when we’re with people we think we can trust, and maybe experience a little compassion for a change. And when we think we have found a space where we can let our guard down a bit, we can get a bit touchy about defending that. But can you blame us?
you sound like you’re gaslighting some transgirl
For me, the hardest part is trying to figure out where I belong. In Viet culture, at a party, the guys hang with the guys, and the girls with the girls. Even when I put a full face on, I never feel like I am one of the girls. It doesn’t help that everyone knew me before I came out. So I don’t fit in anywhere. It’s lonely. My sister Chi Man tries to help, but I am usually the odd one out. This has been going on for years now, so I have tried to make peace with it. This is a lonely life. With that said, I do not regret my decision to live as the person I am meant to be.
All I need in this life is my son and my best friend. That is enough for me.
I prefer MacOS overall. Explain to me why I am so wrong!
My rPi is obvs on Debian, but does Plex really count?
Mac on the laptop + Linux on the server = pure heaven.
I can’t because I’m still using my old Mac Pro 2013 with other Apple products.
As long as you don’t use a Mac in a business environment
[edit: sp] Hi! Also a trans girl. (But only high on caffeine, and not drunk because it’s end of the month and I’m broke.) Let’s get to the question that really, really defines the future.
What are the best and coolest locomotives? (don’t need to be the same! and often aren’t!) 🚆
Your opinion on programmer socks?
Hold up, are we talking about those knee high socks that don’t match with any clothing what-so-ever??
Hi there! Looks like you linked to a Lemmy community using a URL instead of its name, which doesn’t work well for people on different instances. Try fixing it like this: !unixsocks@lemmy.blahaj.zone
Because the topic is NSFW : How did transition impacted your sex-life ?
That’s a great question!
Transitioning left me with a tiny “dating” pool. Most of my “dates” were with chasers on Grindr or Taimi.
Except for the 2 sexual assaults, I’ve been fine with serving my purpose. After the 2nd rape, though, I gave up on casual encounters and dating in general. I haven’t had an actual relationship with anyone in about 7 years.
I will likely never meet someone who likes me for me. It took me YEARS to accept this difficult truth. It contributes to my depressive episodes all of the time.
I’d rate myself as a 6/10 on a good day. It’s just really hard to find guys that are interested in me beyond the fetish that they see. It’s easier to give up.
Tonight was a lot of beer + a lot of Hennessy VSOP + some really really good coke. Give me your worst, Lemmy. Reddit used to pick me apart. Try and see if you can!
What’s your opinion of the designated hitter rule in major league baseball?
deleted by creator
I’m just here to talk about Rampart.
What’s the trick to making a good grill cheese sandwich?
Whatever you do, do not use mayo.
finally! whoever told me to use Mayo on the outside is a clown. i ruined both a sandwich and mayo at the same time!
I guess my question’s always been that since gender is (to my incomplete understanding) a social construct and can change, and transgender people seek to change to a gender that feels more appropriate, how did you (a) know what felt right, (b) that what felt right wasn’t completely appropriate for your gender and the active definition of gender needed to change, and © where does chemical and surgical transition factor in for a gender based thing when attempting to find for comfortable self? Because that seems like a sex (in the clinical terminology) thing as much as a gender one (which of course there’s probably a connection, I guess I’m just not clear where the line really breaks.)
To be clear, I think my questions are entirely too “rationalizing a deep emotional and person thing” so I don’t really expect an answer, I’ve just never been invited to address the question to anyone before.
Gender is not a social construct, its neurochemical. Gender roles are a social construct.
expired
I agree, but in this context it isn’t helpful, the same way particle physics and quantum mechanics isn’t helpful in a discussion about economics.
expired
What’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to you since coming out as trans?
Let’s find the benchmark for making the questions weird.
That is a great question!
I need to preface this by saying that my entire friend group is Viet.
In Viet culture, male and female roles are explicitly defined. That means that, generally, the girls hang with the girls, and the guys hang with the guys.
The weirdest part is kind of sad. I don’t fit in with the girls because I am not feminine enough, and the guys try to grab my tits as a joke. I don’t belong anywhere.
My best friend, Chi Man is the one that helps me stay grounded to this earth.
Otherwise, it’s the usual contract custodian doesn’t get a good look at me, so they warn me about going into the men’s room at work (where I was specifically told to go )
Those guys sound like assholes and many would consider their behaviour to be sexual harassment/ assault.
Agreed. After I was raped the first time, my outlook on the world changed. This was a guy I met on Grindr, and I was not being safe at all. My big sis tried to warn me, but I just wanted to have fun like the cishet people do. I know SA is a big problem when it comes to casual sex and women. I never thought it would happen to me. That is what we all think.
The pigs never even contacted me after my rape-kit at the hospital.
Everyone, regardless of gender., should be careful out there. Remember that the pigs are not your friends; they exist as protectors of property and straight white people.
the pigs have been pretty shitty at processing rape kits for everyone:
https://www.clickondetroit.com/news/local/2022/11/16/backlog-of-11k-untested-detroit-rape-kits-from-1984-to-2009-have-been-fully-tested/Hey sorry I’m late, but thanks for your response to my original question above. I’m sorry such shit things have happened to you but I hope things get better <3
Thank you!
Prove the Generalized Stokes Theorem.
So there was this guy, named Stokes. And, in 1966, pick up sticks, he proved that it was actually better to leave the bottle of ketchup upside-down. Pretty sure he won the Noble Prize, plus American Idol for that discovery.
If stuff go in stuff must go out
What turns you on?
This will probably sound lame, but what turns me on is a man who is actively interested in spending time with me. Someone who wants to take me out to his favorite restaurant. Things like that.
Not lame at all. Pretty cool actually.
