Everywhere you browse, people have such strong opinions about everything and are so toxic or extremely negative. You start playing a game, want to check the forums or something and most of the posts are people being mean to each other. You open social media to keep in touch with people that you’d like to maintain a certain level of contact and there’s always some people that are always complaining about every single thing.
I see myself more and more closing myself into a bubble which makes me appreciate Beehaw much more. I know I am guilty of being taken away by the toxicity and sometimes replying things I wouldn’t be proud of but since I joined Beehaw I see myself policing myself more and more focused on being better.
Just a quick rant, I currently started playing Baldur’s Gate 3 and I am honestly pissed off on the fact people can’t give feedback without being rude or “gamers” just shitting on developers because they are stans of another game. I wanted to be active on the forum and comment on bugs and such because I want the game to be better but it is so depressing reading people being awful so often.
Why are we so shitty to each other? I’m so tired.
Edit: Pardon me if I used weird terms or grammar errors, english isn’t my first language
Edit2: removed specifics
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I was just giving examples. English is not my native language so I did my best to diversify on adjectives. It takes like 5 seconds to find a comment anywhere you go where the person is just being straight up toxic and there’s no good intent on the post. I don’t care about the opinions, I am talking about the intent.
Edit: typo
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Sorry but that wasn’t the point I was trying to make. I wasn’t trying to sound hostile I am just extremely frustrated and sad right now.
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I honestly started crying, but that’s just me being pathetic and a sponge to stuff people say on the internet :(
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these are the valuable interactions that make the large amount of work running the instance worthwhile :)
It’s all right, I was just extremely vulnerable due to the amount of exposure (which caused me to write this post) so I just got caught of guard, but I did my best to not be defensive
You are not pathetic! Having emotions about things and feeling your feelings is not pathetic.
It’s definitely easier being on and participating on the internet when you have a ‘thicker skin’ and aren’t too much of a sponge emotionally, but I don’t think it should be that way. I’m sorry that it does tend to be that way. It sucks.
Having feelings about people saying negative things about a post you made where you poured out your thoughts and feelings and opened yourself up is not pathetic. It would probably be beneficial to you (& to everyone, not just you) to try and not take stuff like these internet comments so personally and so hard, but I know that’s a lot easier said than done, and being this way is not a fault.
I may be projecting, because I’m definitely this way, but it sounds like you may have a habit of being too hard on yourself? I know I do! I’m a bit of an emotional sponge like you described yourself as, too, so I totally get it. We both could benefit from giving ourselves some more grace and understanding, like I tend to do for others and I’m guessing you do, too, and trying not to be so hard on ourselves. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you/us, though. It’s so easy to be this way, especially on the mean wild west that is the internet!
I’m probably all over the place with this but I hope it all makes sense.
Just to reiterate: you’re not pathetic. Feeling that way and being that way is not pathetic. You deserve to be treated with kindness and understanding, both from yourself and from others. Some of these commenters seem to be taking your post and comments without reading them in good faith…which not only isn’t cool, but Beehaw has rules/guidelines about doing our best to take people’s comments and arguments and stuff in good faith, darn it!
What you were saying was perfectly clear to me and I totally get and understand where you’re coming from and what you’re getting at and I agree because I’ve seen the same thing.
I hope this all makes sense. I can get a little rambly and all over the place, especially when I’m emotional, and seeing your comment saying how hurt you were and then also being so hard on yourself for it makes my heart hurt for you! I totally empathize and understand. If I can clarify anything, please feel free to let me know!
You’re not pathetic and your feelings (in the comment and the post) are totally understandable and valid here. Please try to be more kind and positive to yourself, just like how in your post you were saying people should be less negative and more kind and positive on forums and internet stuff. You deserve kindness! I’m sending big internet hugs your way :)
(My apologies again for this long, rambly, all over the place, novel of a comment, lol!)
This was great, thank you! Yeah, I just wanted to vent a little bit because I was being really overwhelmed by toxic things when I just wanted to browse.
I am extremely hard on myself, haha. This is one of the things I tried to work on during counseling so I have huge triggers with rejection and such (yup, it’s awful).
I really appreciated your message, really! 🥺
What a lovely, high effort comment. Thanks for taking time to respond so earnestly.
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I started using 4chan around 2007/2008. It was always like that. It was the place to be if you were a toxic edgelord - a space to openly be a nazi and racist and homophobic.
I remember threads on /b/ back then too where people were looking for a new Hitler.
And they always had that shitty mentality. Be as contrarian as you can and as long as you can antagonize people into reacting, then you got one over on someone.
I haven’t been on there since 2020 but I watched it get worse and worse over the years as it spread into the mainstream with things like Gamergate and the fappening. I even tried to tell people but they would just laugh it off cause “4chan”
I think most people aren’t toxic, but the toxic ones always stick out. If you get 20 normal comment replies and one that was rude, you’ll probably remember that rude one more.
Same goes for anything that people have strong opinions about online - especially politics. The most extreme, hostile, and bizarre takes get a lot of attention and float to the top, which makes it seem like the majority opinion, when most people aren’t like that.
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One of the things that really pisses me off is the current state of Steam. People realized they can bait to get lots of clown awards, which rewards them with a lot of points. On one hotfix update post, someone got over 200 clown awards.
TL;DR… /jk
However, there are two sides to every coin: thought-out discussions are one side, extensive rambling diatribes are the other. There is value in being concise in one’s arguments, when possible without compromising precision.
In any case, even scientific papers have an abstract, extensive laws have a rationale, so IMHO it makes sense for a series of paragraphs to have a TL;DR, or some other way of structuring the content —maybe through headers, or highlighting key elements in bold, or incises like this one— in order to let the reader skip over what they’re not interested in.
It’s good to have markdown,
Twitter𝕏 could try some.It’s already quite easy to forget we are interacting with other humans when we are behind screens and keyboards
I honestly hate that people do this. Maybe its because I work online in customer service and I chat with people online so I always know that I’m talking to a real person - but even before I worked online, I always assumed I was talking to a real person on the other end.
It’s wild to me that people become so incredibly inconsiderate that they don’t even think they’re talking to a human and instead interpret it as “oh I’m just arguing an idea” yeah, you’re arguing an idea with a HUMAN.
Sometimes I catch people doing that because they’ll respond to me like I’m someone else and I have to be like, hey no, I’m not that person, I’m my own person and you are in fact talking to me now. A person who will react to things being said. Cause you know, human.
IMO, there’s a lot of factor playing part in this. (Copying from my fedi personal fedi acc!)
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A lot of people lack control of the real world situation that happen to them and some are desperate for the feel of being in control enough to harm other people just to feel like ‘I’m in control’
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A lot of people do not have a way to properly deal with their anger and frustration. They only teach to ‘hold or suppress it’ and there’s such also consequence in showing negative emotion IRL, so online is almost having no consequence for it.
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Online people are separate by screen. People know that there’s people behind it, but they don’t feel it. In online, we don’t get in your face ‘feedback’ from body language or facial expression from other people. IRL, you mess around and pretty much find out instantly.
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Social media reward people with engagement and fav/like, which is easy dopamine for people like it’s just a tip away from their body. And SOMEHOW I feel like social media normalized people being mean to each other as ‘Playful witty funny hahaha’ so they get rewarded by that. And yeah these things are addictive, so you can crave more, making you do more ‘extreme’ thing to get them. And yes you can get addicted to being angry too.
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And then there is also peer pressure and ‘us vs them’ mentality that is so strong in social media. I mean yeah, if we look at it, being ‘mean’ together with your group it’s sort of activity that you can bound together and also reward you as well. It just not a good one and come at a cost of another people.
Now add all of them together, you get the platform that reward toxic interaction and also extremely addictive. You get reward from like/fav. You get reward by ‘Peer approval’ (because today we forbid other people having neutral opinion on a thing, but it could be just my experience.), You get reward by your own brain. Not counting other thing like politic, moral compass, religion because it adds entirely another layer on this.
off-topic, language
Don’t take this as a criticism, I think your arguments are spot on… but if you might excuse my curiosity… it looks like you’re not a native English speaker, and I can’t figure out which language those expression structures come from… may I ask what’s your native language?
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Why are we so shitty to each other?
Outside of the internet, I ask this question.
It’s bizarre to me how billionaires don’t how to else to use their money other than engaging in a space race. It’s mind-boggling that people get into relationships only to beat and kill each the person closest to them. It’s discombobulating how a society largely directed by the whims of men rejects the anguished, depressed cries of other men before they kill themselves. It’s morbidly fascinating that a homeless epidemic is unfolding in developed nation and the response is to…withhold resources from them, destroy what little they have, and essentially do nothing to address their problems.
Why are we so shitty to each other indeed.
Why are we so shitty to each other indeed.
For whatever reason, people like to be better than others. It’s something I’ve never understood and I always try my best to be humble because of it and don’t really get off on being competitive like a lot of people do.
Outside of the internet, I ask this question.
I find people think the Internet and the “real world” are two different things. I don’t find this to be true, and I’ve seen people I know well entirely change their personality after hours of being angry just because a telephone call rings and they are practiced at changing for it. Similarly, I witness people who change while driving an automobile compared to their normal domestic behavior. It’s all part of the same person and acting like it isn’t real is denial of a lot of human history of other media.
All your points about homeless and and male identity crisis with mental health I find are true. And we clearly have the resources and information systems of connecting real people to real problems, one on one. But there hasn’t really been a social movement of the Internet to make friends and use real identities - even when social media often started that way with local area-code BBS systems and users groups… and even LAN gaming.
We need true social leaders who cross national boundaries and say the kind of things that were said during civil rights movements. Someone could start with doing a world-wide grieving over the pandemic deaths, we weren’t allowed to visit the people who died at the hospital or in quarantine at home. It seems like an obvious social positive to have a funeral, every society has a funeral, why not a world wide one for a world-wide pandemic? But I keep watching as nobody organizes it.
Well but we as a community need to not be horrified by it and be helpful. And a lot of people are ready to help, but aren’t asked, or overestimate their ability to. And politics isn’t all of life, either!
Leftists be happy challenge (failed)
I am getting old.
When I was a kid, my parents, my siblings and I would go to very crowded beaches during the summer. Sunny weather, vibrant colors, cool water. It was nearly impossible for me to bother with whatever everyone else was doing. My attention was focused to everything that was fun and new to me. I would swim for hours, climb rocks and attempt the most challenging dives I could, run on the wet sand. Even build castles!
And then, gradually, every next year each summer visit to the beach would become less magical. Every next year, my attention would start to focus less on the beach and more on the people. And not just people who were calm, friendly and enjoying themselves there. No. I would focus on people who were rude, stressed out and annoying. Loud people who would disregard everyone else around them.
Until, at some point, it started actually feeling bad visiting crowded places. Felt like there was no way I could enjoy being at the beach if I were to share it with other people. Now, I can point you to places that very few people know how to reach. And they are great. As long as you have your own company.
I envy my kid self. If you were to ask that kid what it felt like to be at the beach, you would get a lot of excitement and zero negativity.
Now, even though I will mostly avoid crowded places it’s not always possible to do so. So, when I end up in a crowded place I actively focus on what is important for me to enjoy my time. Laughter is music for my ears. Kidding around my friends, swimming and all the good stuff my kid self knew how to do better. I try. Sometimes I succeed, others I feel old and tired ;-)
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This is really cool, is there more from where it came from? Is this a blog? I really loved it!
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Omg all this stuff is so cool. Thank you!!!
My favorite part of that site was discovering this site: https://simone.computer/#/webdesktops
I already knew about Windows 93 and 96, but didn’t know there were so many of them out there!
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I think there was a “snarkiness” to the earlier web that I still appreciate. I’m fine with a one-word answer or a shit post if it’s funny and not hateful. I think the tone became a more extreme and worse version of itself over time. The internet is a place for everyone, not just enthusiasts, we gotta do better.
Problem is, as other comments have rightly said, we’re incentivized to do the opposite. And bad actors find it useful to encourage extreme opinions and division.
While i think something has been lost now that twitter, reddit and centralized communities are in decline, i also think this is an opportunity to build better communities with different incentives. While i don’t the fediverse is going to take over the internet, i think it’s part of a broader and encouraging trend.
A lot of social engagement through social media is driven by impressions such as up votes, favorites, likes, etc. Unfortunately, an easy way to promote engagement and such lies in rage bait. This is likely due to the visceral emotional response generated by rage baiting. I would also extend this issue to how ubiquitous instant gratification is to the internet and social media. People tend to acquire clout through reacting to something quickly, which isn’t always well-thought out. Add in the notion of mob mentality, and you have a recipe for the rapid exponential propagation of negative words, thoughts, and emotions. People also tend to not have productive ways of channeling their frustrations and issues, so they often see other entities on the Internet as just a name, sometimes less than that.
There’s also a heavy amount of tribalism across a variety of domains which allows one to take refuge from this rage baiting by finding other like-minded individuals to identify with. In some cases, the stress of everyday life or what have you removes a sense of agency or power in one’s life and sometimes people cope with this by developing a sense of superiority through whichever group or ideal that they identify with. This cycle repeats itself until there is a constant battle between any given groups where people attempt to elevate their self-worth by putting those that they dont agree with down, while emphasizing the superiority of their own ideal, IMO. I could be totally wrong ofc. I’m hardly perfect.
It’s been a pretty exhausting experience. I’m tired of it as well; my fondness for engaging with people has diminished greatly.
Yes, exactly this. Specially on determined platforms you are rewarded for engagement, no matter what kind it is so it appears that people are more and more baiting for reactions. It is awful.
Edit: typo
Yeah, several platforms heavily incentivize and reward engagement. Unfortunately, as threads, videos, platforms, etc. get bigger, they make it easier to rage bait. It’s a pretty unhealthy behavior, imo. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean everyone who believes in an idea, belongs on a platform, negatively posts, etc. is intentionally acting out of malice. Some are doing so without awareness. Others on a given platform may also be genuinely acting in good faith. It’s a pretty complex topic, with a lot of things to consider. That said, becoming aware of this cycle is important, IMO. It may also prove beneficial to find ways to distance one’s self from this cycle of negativity either by diverting it from your attention via breaks, or steadily replacing unhealthy behaviors over time. I hope you find something that helps yourself, OP.
❤️ leaving a heart for you
Contuining the love, leaving you fresh flowers 🪷🪻🌸💐💐 🌸💐🌺🪷🪻 💐🪷🌺🌻🌼 🐝 🐝
🐝🌻
I’m late but I want in… Leaving a pile of desserts for you! 🍧 🍨🍦🥧 🧁🍰🎂🍮 🍭🍬🍫🍩🍪
You’re all so cute I love you all
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That’s true especially in gaming circles.
There are big misconceptions about game development jobs. People tend to think that implementing X or Y feature “surely can’t be that hard”. They have absolutely zero experience in game design or game programming and yet they take on such a condescending level when you read their posts.
Programming is hard. Balancing is hard. Developing a game while you have a whole player base against you is hard. The game industry is most infamously known for its crunch times and high turnover rates. And yet players do not respect that.
Whenever a game gets released at all, it’s such a ton of work that have been done. Even if the game turns out to be not as fun as people wanted. Or even if there are bugs. In fact, i am sure that half of the people that complain aggressively will never do something that impressive in their life, ever.
We should be in awe and respect our fellow devs because this job is one of pure passion.
That said, it’s perfectly valid to complain about a product not meeting expectations or realistic standards that have been set. That’s just business, if the product is no good it doesn’t matter how much time and money you put into it.
Though I’m nice about it, no one sets out to make a shit product apart from actual scammers. I’m usually more interested in breaking down how something failed to deliver.
I’m frustrated too. So much toxicity and bigotry. It hurts the soul and makes you wonder if it’s even worth it. But… there ARE great communities out there. The fantastic ones that make it all worthwhile. I’ve made some really great friends in my niche communities I’ve found.
Don’t give up, and keep searching for the good people in your online life. Keep them close!
