He’s also my business partner. He kept his watch collection with me since his wife doesn’t allow him to buy watches and made me promise not to ever tell his wife about them. Not only because she doesn’t like it but also because she will definitely ask him to sell them and probably spend the money on clothes and traveling like she often does.
He lets me use the watches in the condition that I don’t cause any damage. But now that he passed away it doesn’t feel right any more.
His watch collection is worth about 200K$ in todays market. I think the lawful and ethical thing to do is to break the promise and tell his wife but I’m not sure that’s the right thing to do since he made me promise not to tell her.
I’d love to see a male-female breakdown of the commenters for return/keep. Let’s reverse the situation and suppose the “wife” let her friend hold $200k in jewelry? All else being the same, would the sage advise change? Curiosity, nothing more. The reality is the watches belong to the rightful heir and as there is no will, that would be the spouse. And the post really sounds like a “made for ethics class supposition” anyway.
You should keep one of the watches at least, that’s the bare minimum he would have wanted, if his family comes from money and he has no kids you should keep them. It’s a passion you shared and he trusted them with you. Talk to a lawyer though.
Just my two cents. OP’s friend may have been able to conceal his watch collection from his own wife. But I doubt he will be able to hide expenses for 200K$, from whoever will take care of his finances.
I agree.
Spending $200k on watches is very rare. I feel like either the person has a huge spending problem and the family is in debt, or they have plenty of money and $200k isn’t much of a dent in their net worth. Not a lot of middle ground there.
The way OPs story reads, there isn’t a lot of kindness in the marriage. No loving person would make their spouse sell their 6 figure collection of jewelry so they could buy more clothes and travel. If there was a question of selling to pay for necessities or bills or college for the kids it would be different.
My personal 2 cents to OP is to say “do they need the money?” If not, keep the collection. The friend would have willed it to you anyway if he’d had the chance.
That’s def not legal, but you could make a case that it is morally justified. Again, depending on the exact circumstances which the friend may not know. If in doubt, give the watches back, preferably with a note addressing the truth of the situation.
The only sane answer I’ve read in the comments.
Why would the wife deserve the collection more than the friend? If she wasn’t meant to even know about the collection and she hasn’t got financial problems, morally there’s nothing wrong in the friend keeping the watches.
comments telling you to steal $200k worth of assets are gonna get you in big fucking trouble if it is ever discovered that you have them
i’m sorry for the loss of your friend. she
Its not like what the wife will do is ethical anyways. Your dad entrusted you with it… just saying.
It might be ethical and lawful to do so. If you want to keep those watches yourself and keep the promise, then you shouldn’t mention anything about the watches. It’s totally your choice and go with what feels right for you.
Those are part of his estate. The right thing to do is give them to his wife. Do that.
How is everyone saying the ethical thing is to tell the wife? You promised your friend you wouldn’t tell her. The ethical thing is to keep the promise to your deceased friend!
First and foremost: Jesus H. Christ what a bitch.
Secondly: Frankly, I would keep honoring the agreement and use the watches as the agreement still stood. Just use it without causing damage. If you tell the queen bitch (aka the wife), she’d sell everything like he 100% didn’t want to happen, so it would be disrespectful of his wishes.
sorry for your loss. definitely take some time to grieve and what not and think things through.
it’s a tough spot. but when he passed away, things that were his go to his spouse or next of kin. (without a will, i believe thats the legal way). tell his wife the story and if you’d like, offer to buy any watches as a memory if she allows. also, so she doesn’t get ripped off incase she doesn’t know watches, tell her the prices of those watches used. funerals and suddenly being on one income can be quite a burden on someone financially especially if it’s sudden.
Regardless of your ethical and moral values you have the LEGAL obligation to give those watches to his wife.
Man most guys in here don’t know what “promise” means.
He died intestate. I’d argue by giving you possession and control of the collection, and telling you not to tell his wife, he made a de facto gift to you. There is a case that lawfully, you are under no obligation to divest yourself of the watches, nor tell his wife. But I’d recommend consulting a wills and trusts attorney.
Ignore those on here telling you what the legal requirements are on this. They don’t even know what State he died in, which is crucial to know.
Any chance he bought them in the name of the business?