So I’d been living in Australia for 10 years before finally being able to go back and see my family. I surprised them with a 6 week visit with my wife and two kids.
Everyone seemed over the moon and it was great seeing all of my family but things were not the same at all. I get that 10 years is a long time but all I could feel was ‘my family have removed me from their life’. I started feeling this before I went to see them because I was the one initiating conversations and calling them but I believed it’d be different when I seen them in person.
When I got there a lot had changed. My brother had taken over the holiday house, my room had been completely changed and my sisters used mum as their baby sitter most of the time. My dad was also very distant. He was never quite affectionate but I feel like he didn’t make an effort to get to know my wife and children very much even though we were living at his house. Seeing my grandparents turn so very frail also broke me and I can’t seem to stop thinking about losing them and not spending more time with them. The family dynamic was no where near the same as when I was there.
I feel this void in my heart and even though I got married and had children I still long to have those good times with my parents and extended family like the good old days. Is this something other people have felt when going back home? Is there a way to stop being so sad about it?
I mean I was hurt when my room didn’t look the same after 6 months, I’m sorry but what did you expect after ten fucking years?
Can you video chat more often? Felt connected to my family because we talked like three times every week. But you can’t expect your family to essentially hold a space for your ghosts. Even if that is a painful realisation. Can you visit more often now or pay for your family to visit you?