I’m about to embark on my own journey as an expat. I’ll be living in Paris with my EU husband.
I speak good French and having lived in France twice before for 9-mo stints each, I am familiar enough with French culture to empathize with the negative and positive critiques that people share on this subreddit. In other words, I know what to expect.
Nonetheless I am still nervous about the move; fitting in, finding a community, finding my tribe. I’m nervous about feeling like I’ve made a colossal mistake to sell everything and move here.
The truth is is that reading this subreddit does not make me féel very optimistic. I read posts lamenting the move abroad, the regrets you have, the challenge adapting, and none of which are unwarranted! I get it Expat life is difficult!
……But my question is…is there anyone here who is happy with their decision to have moved abroad?
I’m super happy with mt decision. I’m from Italy and I moved to London. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever done!
9 years in Spain now and am pretty happy.
My fam (mom, both sisters, bro in law and nephew) have also made the move and they’re all happy they’ve made the jump as well
You think them moving has helped make it easier?
100% it has.
I couldn’t say for sure that I’d still be here if my family wasn’t. Even though the city is amazing and my partner and I both have good jobs/a good life here.
Having an EU husband should ease the bureaucracy and make it possible to settle in and enjoy life.
I might be mistaken but it will depend on where he is from. For her to get a passport from her husband’s country, normally they would have to live together in that country. So if he’s French it’s cool.
Left the US in 2003 and you couldn’t pay me to go back. I spent part of that time in France, too.
one of the things for me is i bounced around like four countries and im burnt out on adapting now, im going to stay where I am at, at least until I retire. If the climate wars or ww3 haven’t started I will probably retire in France.every time I go back to the us I am struck at how hard it is. receiving healthcare in the US is like a full time job trying to find network providers and pharmacies and whatever, I don’t understand it and wouldn’t if I went back. Car centric culture also is annoying to me now.
the only thing I miss about the USare extended store hours but France and Germany have almost caught up, especially in big cities. Oh I miss OTC meds too, having to resort to hostage negotiation tactics to get Imodium from a pharmacy is a lot more involved than shoving a couple equate boxes in my cart.
I am. Left in 2010. Lived in a few countries. I didn’t always love the country or job but overall, the best decision I have made.
Good luck with your move to France. Being nervous is natural. Don’t stress.
I moved from Norway to the United States. A move which is already controversial in this sub.
I’ve lived in the United States for 22 years in total, and for the past 11 years continuously. Life here has its ups and downs, just like everywhere else, but I love my community and I can definitely say that am happy here. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.
It’s normal to be nervous about moving abroad. Adjusting to such a major life change takes time, and “finding your tribe” as you put it is not guaranteed. But remember, a decision to move abroad is not irreversible. If it doesn’t work out, your home country will still be there. And by moving with your husband, you’ll effectively instantly have access to a network of friends – namely his.
Also, keep in mind that many people come to this sub for help and support when they’re struggling. That’s not necessarily representative of everyone’s experience.
I moved from Norway to the United States. A move which is already controversial in this sub.
I hate that this is considered controversial on this sub. Different people have different wants and preferences, and as long as you are happy, that’s all it should matter. I don’t get why people here are so judgemental about countries that other people move to and from.
One other thing I laugh at all the time- all these people shitting on the US, yet we have millions upon millions of immigrant families happily living and making a better life for themselves…
And guess what, millions are still trying to come in…
If someone is unhappy in the US, they should just leave…whats with all the drama about this and that and oh what a great decision they made by leaving…
good for them…thats a small downward pressure on real estate costs here…
But yeah, we all have different wants and preferences…
Rant over…LOL
No matter what your criticisms of the US may be, it’s indisputable that there are a lot of places in the world that are objectively far worse.
That said, “If someone is unhappy in the US, they should just leave” is a bad attitude to have IMHO. If someone is unhappy in the US, they should figure out why they’re unhappy and advocate for positive change. Don’t run away from the problem, be part of the solution. “Take it or leave it” is not what a democracy is supposed to be about.
Disagree… if you’re unhappy with where you are in the US, its a big enough place that you can find like minded individuals and communities instead of bitching in reddit. You can move to Portland, SF, DC, or on the otherside, Texas or Florida. Or, like you said, advocate for change in their immediate area. But there are so many people here unwilling to take charge of their own lives and do something about it. And predisposed to complain about “America”, never mind that it’s 330 million, incredibly diverse people.
Well said
Based on discussions with others and my own experience there are two major factors that are key to making it work.
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You have to love the place the you move. It’s essential you are happy to come to this place after you’ve visited your place of origin or any other place. If you don’t love the place it will never work.
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You have to give it time. I mean a lot of time, like multiple years in order to settle and make it your home. Finding your feet takes a very long time. Finding friends is takes times and effort, learning the culture takes time and effort. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
Best of luck and enjoy your move!
So much this. I just wanted to add: a lot of happiness (or lack) that everyone experiences come from within.
You can’t expect a place to ‘make you happy’ if you are unhappy. Obviously, if your quality of life and general conditions improve a lot that helps, but people tend to go to their ‘baseline’ after sometime.
Just my opinion. Happy immigrant to Canada since 8 years ago. I love it here and didn’t like it from where I come from (to the point I started to struggle with normal social interactions or expectations). In my case, it helped a lot to move to improve my baseline happiness.
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I’m generally very happy with my decision. I’ve had a lot of great experiences. I think a lot of the difficulties I complain about here are the same ones I could have if I still lived in the US – for example difficulties with friends, difficulties with coworkers, annoyance with my job. I think I’ve had much better job opportunities where I live now, I get more respect from local people than I would back home, and worries about gun violence or street harassment are almost nonexistent here.
I lived in London, Paris and Hong Kong for many years and I was usually very unhappy the first few months but after finding friends through hobbies or school that feeling would mostly go away. Looking back I am grateful for the experience and the memories!
I have learned that social life is like 90% of my happiness. Weather, luxury, architecture lr even money dont matter if you dont have friends and girls, or a girl. And looking back its always been like that. Toys,videogames and cool cars were only fun if you had people around you to share it with.
I’m not happy but most of my expat friends are
Incredibly happy here in Mexico.
Very content with the decision to leave USA. Living on the pacific coast of Honshu near mount Fuji.
Many may have regrets about moving but I think that mostly comes from expectations. Setting them aside makes for the best experience. Focus on our goals, have a healthy hobby or three, a loving supportive family and life is usually pretty good.
Some expats didn’t really understand their motivation andperhaps were running away to find something. Others cannot exist due to an inflexible mindset. Setting aside those who run into bad luck or lousy relationship, the ones who last generally don’t focus on regret. They go out and live their life as best they can.
Regarding Paris, I found it to be one of the most unfriendly places I’ve ever visited. So its not somewhere I would consider healthy for living but I suppose everyone is unique in our own way. Getting out of the greater Paris area is where France truly shines imho.
best of luck with the move
I’m an American in Mexico City, this is the happiest I’ve been in all my 52 years
I’ve lived in several countries now, and my happiness levels varied. I have lived in four countries outside the US over the past 15 years, and I’m batting .500. Things to keep in mind: you can’t change cultures, you can only change yourself. You can’t change the number of other expats in any given area, you can only change how you interact with the ones that are there, and by extension how you integrate into the local community. But you know all that, since you’ve been there twice for extended stays.
I think you carry an advantage vs. some who’ve had bad experiences - you’ve already been there, 9 months at a time. You didn’t expatriate after a nice holiday or after a two week business trip. Your eyes are open as to what you’ll face. Don’t worry.
It’s a bell curve—most people are somewhere in the middle, living life. Some are miserable, some are deliriously happy.
It is totally normal to feel anxious and unsure as you prepare to leave what you know for something new and unknown. It is totally normal to have lonely blue moments as you settle in. Our brains love familiarity, they love habit.
Get to your new home, build habits like a morning walk route, a favorite coffee shop, a cute wine bar you pop into every Wednesday night. Explore and enjoy with your husband but make sure you seek out friends and activities of your own too. There are expat groups everywhere that offer a great start and valuable advice; and over time you’ll start to settle in and make local friends too.