I know this is meant to be mostly a joke but I do know AMAB people who identify as males or demiboys who choose to feminize themselves because they’d prefer a more feminine body, and also on the flip side there are transmasculine people who choose not to take testosterone because they’d prefer to stay feminine (I’m one of those 😜).

I don’t really like this kind if thinking, as it reduces gender identity to the body, appearance, and parts we want. A person can be a girl who wants all those things, but a person can also be a boy who wants all those things, or even already has all those things and doesn’t want to lose all or most of them.

I’m not trying to deny or invalidate you by any of this by the way, your identity is the way you identify, I’m just saying that we’re more than our outward expressions of gender ya know, they don’t define who we are.

That sounds really hard, I hope you feel better in the future.

I’m sorry I didn’t mean any kind of offense. It just felt relatable as a transmasc person and I thought other transmasc people could relate.

I felt like I remember it happening more times 🤔

Think it would go over well at !nottheonion@lemmy.world, or do you think they’d reject it?

It’s okay, I forgot to mark it as Transmasc and Transphobia. Without that there’s no way anyone else could’ve known.

I never intended to have that message, was just trying to share a situation which was uncomfortable and invalidating for me due to someone else assuming my gender (thinking I am AMAB transfem when I’m AFAB and transmasc).

I don’t know if as you said binary identities and expectations of trans people have backfired as you said, I do know that people who follow gender stereotypes have had a tendency sort of force them onto others. It happens a lot to femboys and people say they are an egg or transfem. Which isn’t great on its own but in my case I’m a femboy and transmasc so it’s worse.

It’s hard but I think that having such rigid expectations of presentation isn’t helping. Like, so what if I was AMAB and looked and dressed the way I am, so what. Why would that make me a girl or egg? That doesn’t seem helpful, and at least for an AMAB femboy it wouldn’t be exactly harmful, it’s not always obvious that they are. I’ve met many enbies who had similar experiences with invalidation from gender stereotypes and it sucks.

He is someone who already transitioned (transmasc) and still enjoys wearing feminine clothing, what the girl did here can feel very very invalidating and dysphoria inducing because despite passing she still sees them as a girl. For me situations like that make me feel hella dysphoric.

I’m in femboy communities and I know many of them also dislike when this happens to them as well, but it doesn’t compare to the gender dysphoria I get from people still thinking I’m a girl.

I agree that we really do need to discuss gender identity and presentation separate from transition, I also think we need to discuss presentation separate from gender identity, after all if boys are allowed to wear skirts, why do people naturally assume we must be girls if/when we do?

I don’t know but it is nice. I kinda want one like that too.

Agreed, though for some of them it’s a challenge since they’re not just friends but also colleagues and I can’t as easily cut them out of my life. I’m stuck dealing with them, for a while anyway. Thank you for the nice words of affirmation.

They’re invalidating me saying they think I am a girl, they see me as a girl. Maybe it’s nice that I pass as male on some level with them, but they still see me as a girl in some capacity, and that’s a lose in my book, since they still treat me like one, call me one, and use she/her pronouns even when I cry and tell them to stop. Also telling me that I can’t be a boy because “boys don’t like to wear dresses and skirts”.

I’m transmasc by the way. I know it happens to other femboys and it sucks for them too but for me it feels super invalidating and makes me feel dysphoric to be told I should be a girl 😭