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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 10th, 2023

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  • I feel driven to respond after reading your response to BugleFingers (whose response I agree with). It really sucks you are feeling shame about your difficulties with working. I believe a lot (not all) of the difficulties that neurodivergent people have with work isn’t anything to do with them, but about the pressures of living under the tyranny of late-stage capitalism.

    I don’t think you not being able to work without burning out is evidence there’s something wrong with you, I think it shows that most people don’t get any kind of support in finding sustainable work. I hope you can find a way to forgive yourself for whatever you feel are your failings around employment because you’ve done nothing wrong.

    Apart from what BugleFingers wrote (especially doing work you are interested in), I found self-employment/freelance work to be life changing. I like being my own boss because I can choose when I work and when I don’t (with restrictions, obviously) and have found a way to make it work for me and my family.

    It feels important to say it took me time to get to a point where this was financially practical, though. I went through a lot of jobs where I went through a cycle very similar to yours (don’t listen to the person trying to diagnose you with more disorders; you getting depressed from work doesn’t equal another diagnosis). I found my profession by doing jobs that seemed interesting and honing down what I actually liked. I think it’s about balancing out what is important to you (e.g., making money, having nice things, having free time, ext.) with what is necessary (e.g., housing, food, bills, etc.).

    I hope you can find a job that works for you, OP. Good luck.









  • Our stories sound similar. Calm, relatively stable upbringing and then mostly self isolation leads to symptoms being unrecognised until children and other stresses build up and the symptoms are no longer under control.

    The best suggestion I can give you is learn to accept your limitations (I’d say that to anyone, really). Managing two children is stressful for most people, for you even more so. That’s a fact and it’s OK. You get overwhelmed when there’s too much going on. That’s a fact and it’s OK. Sometimes we aren’t going to be able to cope in life. That’s a fact and it’s OK. So in this situation, you now know that you will find it too difficult to manage your kids where you are without support from your wife. That’s a fact and it’s OK.

    Maybe you could arrange to take them somewhere else that has less sensory stimulation next time, or you agree with your wife that she has time to do things like shopping when you are at home with the kids. It’s difficult to give suggestions without knowing where you were, but hopefully you get the idea.

    Depending on how old your children are, speaking to them to ensure they know not to run away without you (and reinforcing the boundary when they do run away from you) can also help. (Most) Children like having responsibilities.

    Mostly forgive yourself for not being able to cope in that situation. Modern life doesn’t allow any parent to be perfect, but we can aim to be good enough and that’s even more the case for neurodivergent parents. Give your kids a hug and tell them you love them then accept their love when they give it back. I definitely struggle with that but recognise how important it is.