Programmer. Gamer. Weirdo. Pizza annihilator. Rubik’s Cuber.

Not afraid of being honest. Native German speaker, fluent in English.

Aroace. Trans Ally.

Part of the big Reddit user migration.

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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 12th, 2023

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  • Relationships? Which relationships?

    I’m honestly half joking. The one relationship I ever entered as a teenager was because I was drowning in hetero- and amatonormativity and didn’t know any better. I never hugged her, I never kissed her, and I especially never did any naughty things with her. It was an attempt from my mother to encourage me to feel love as an otherwise friend-less neurodivergent child. you know, the kind of “why don’t you write a love letter to her, if you enjoy being around her?” encouragement. It was only platonic, but I didn’t know better. I’m sure my mother meant well, but in hindsight it is disgusting how much it actually was amatonormative coercion.

    Other than that, as an aroace, I never entered a romantic or sexual relationship.

    I did find some amazing online friends for life, though. We’ve been meeting for a full week once a year, for the last decade, and always have a blast. Funnily enough, at least 4 people in the friend group turned out to be queer… :D

    And friendships is where I excel at, I’d say. I’d consider myself a very loyal friend.

    What does hurt a bit is the obvious priority shift when people start putting their long term relationship to the next level, which usually massively decreases the time and effort they put into their friend groups. The fact that they suddenly have something better to do than do stuff with friends, or only rarely show up, because their significant other(s) are more important does feel more and more isolating over time.


  • I think it was 2014 or 2015 where someone suggested to me that I might be aro. either I misheard it or they mispronounced it, but I thought “what? aromatic? what’s that supposed to mean?” and kinda dismissed it.

    a bit later, maybe also 2016, I stumbled upon the term asexuality. and I found myself in there as well. to me, it was less “omg, I’m not broken!” but more “ah, that’s the word for it”. I was already kind of aware of my non-existant level of attraction and desire to look for a relationship. I’m sex repulsed, so that made asexuality rather clear.

    in terms of being aromantic: I never kissed, hugged or cuddled with the teenage girlfriend I had (into which relationship my mother kinda coerced me into. not out of bad faith, though. I had almost no friends, and she just wanted me to encourage to feel romantic love toward someone and experience how awesome it’s supposed to feel)

    so, some years later, I also stumbled upon the aro label. even though I knew it was applicable, I didn’t really vibe with it for quite some time. maybe because I my sex repulsion made my asexuality a lot clearer and significant than my (I guess) romance indifference.

    Today, I’ve embraced both labels. I’m glad to have found them, because it opened up a world for me to find other like-minded people online (I’m not aware of anyone offline being aro or ace) to share discussions and memes with.

    the a-spec community is/was one of the last things I regularly returned to reddit for, if this community finally picks up some steam, I might be able to stay here for good. :)



  • mathematics is a human language/system.

    nature just follows the laws and quirks this universe has. the plants, animals and subatomic particles will keep doing the same, regardless if we have a tool or theory that can describe what they’re doing.

    sure, there are patterns everywhere in nature, but i would not go as far as to say that that makes mathematics a language of nature.


  • no need to feel like an impostor. you could be homoromantic asexual. or if you’re also on the aro spectrum, oriented aroace (where tertiary attractions are relevant enough to be considered part of their orientation) could apply.

    even if you’re not on the end of the ace spectrum, like gray or demisexual, you still belong in this community. and if you ever turn out to be not aspec anymore in the future, i’m sure you’d still be welcome here.

    you are what you are, and that’s valid. you don’t need to prove your place here.

    and feeling lonely/sad because you don’t have anyone is no reason to be excluded, either. some aces (and aros) have no problem being alone. some crave a relationship of some kind. some are actively avoiding it, because “ew, relationships”.

    the ace spectrum is just as diverse as humanity itself, we just have the little difference of not (or conditionally, or rarely) experiencing sexual attraction. that says NOTHING about our opinions or how we interface with the (lack of) feelings