I am sorry for your loss. And you wanting the connection is understandable. From what I know, the book is quite demanding. I haven’t read it myself, so can’t offer any suggestion. But I do hope you find your way.

However, sometimes a book becomes more approachable with time. I have spurned books that at later age reeled me in. Cherish your mum’s copy of the book and keep coming back to it :) wishing you peace