Long story short, I was guilt tripped for 3 years into coming home. I think the reason is that I’m from a small family.
Anyways, when I finally caved in and said I’m coming back to stay with family for a while, they complained so much about putting me up and just made me feel as if I was begging. When I told them that I had spent loads of money on plane tickets and even took unpaid leave from work, they told me ‘it’s not all about you’
My mum asked my brother behind my back whether I was giving him any money for the 15 minute lifts he offered to give me in his car, and when I confronted her about it, she said ‘we all have our own lives and problems to deal with’ in a really pissed off tone.
It feels that even after flying to the other side of the world to see them, they want me to go the extra mile rather than just supporting me when I’m on their side. Asking for support seems like an insult to them.
I dunno, it was just a really unpleasant experience and I feel that they’re telling me to come back whilst pushing me away. I feel that although my family say that my move abroad made them depressed, upset etc, they’re unwilling to put in the support to have me here.
I’m happy in my new country and didn’t even really want to go back. I went back for them only, but it’s like they’re expecting me to pay for literally everything and then just complain when I ask one of them to lift a finger to help.
MY QUESTION: Would you go home for a family who ‘misses and loves you’ and ‘felt depressed when you left’ even if you had to pay for basically everything and have barely any support from them? Is it really our responsibility to go home, or should we just continue our lives without looking back?
It seems they’ve gotten into their heads that you’re making bank in your new country and should be supporting them now. Paying for every action once thought as a favor/what family does for one another. Why do they think this? Or have they always been like this and you never noticed/absence made the heart grow fonder?
My sibs tried to make me feel guilty over the years but were only looking at how my presence benefited them. “Your nibblings miss you, you should be closer” because then I could babysit? Or because the kids needed schoolwork help? Because technology had me literally at their fingertips and we had tutorials any time they wanted growing up. We had a great time. They still call me just to chat now they’re grown.
Parents?? (Mom specifically?) They got it. They immigrated to a new country and understood. I know I’m lucky that way.
But nope. You are not responsible for how they feel. You are living your life, not theirs.