You decide what is important to you. Others may have opinions, but you have the one and only deciding vote on the matter. You can always change your mind at a later time, but again, that would be your decision to do so.

For the record, Mrs. Jack moved from her home country as an 18 year old 52 years ago. She decides when she wants to go back, and on what terms she does so.

Just curious, are you Indian?

They want to pretend they miss you so that you will niss them too and send them more money. So the equation is:

Pretend love = more money.

Go back, cut your unpaid vacation short, don’t send as much money, then hear how bad of a son you are. Increase your savings. And don’t water that free money tree you have in your backyard.

No. We all have our lives to live. You only get one.

Well this just sounds straight up awful. So no I think you should just do what makes you happy because clearly they want you to feel miserable. But look even if you have the best family in the world, you likely spent the first 25 years or so of your life around them. Our lives are so short, everything requires a sacrifice. If you want to see the world and do things differently then you have to make that choice. Your parents had their chance, made their choices, lived there lives the way they wanted to, to the best of their abilities. It’s crazy for anyone to tell you that you can’t have the same choices.

Sounds like they are pinching pennies and you are oblivious to their plight.

no way dude. if you had to pay for everything, this is the case of extorting relatives who work abroad and look rich.

your happiness is your own and you dont own anyone.

I plan to come home every 5 years and I tell my parents I couldnt afford the plane tickets. Nothing they can do about it.

Learn to IGNORE everything they say so they cant guilt trip you into anything

It seems they’ve gotten into their heads that you’re making bank in your new country and should be supporting them now. Paying for every action once thought as a favor/what family does for one another. Why do they think this? Or have they always been like this and you never noticed/absence made the heart grow fonder?

My sibs tried to make me feel guilty over the years but were only looking at how my presence benefited them. “Your nibblings miss you, you should be closer” because then I could babysit? Or because the kids needed schoolwork help? Because technology had me literally at their fingertips and we had tutorials any time they wanted growing up. We had a great time. They still call me just to chat now they’re grown.

Parents?? (Mom specifically?) They got it. They immigrated to a new country and understood. I know I’m lucky that way.

But nope. You are not responsible for how they feel. You are living your life, not theirs.

I think it’s reasonable to pay for basics when you stay with someone long-ish term. Pay for daily use things that you would have paid for at home. Buy groceries, keep their gas tank full, etc.

Help around the house without being asked, too. Keep up with the dishes, cook, volunteer to mow the lawn or whatever. Do daily things that need doing.

This is what I call Boomer Energy. It’s a serious illness that many-a-boomers have but luckily I’ve figured out how to manage it (note I also love a lot of boomers so this isn’t a hate comment toward an entire generation, just a general trend I see amongst some of them).

Anyways, I’m well versed in Boomer Energy and whether you live abroad or back home, the qualities of said boomer will not change. If you were to move home you’ll see these ugly qualities reappear in new situations and scenarios.

My advice: I’m not one for cutting people out, but be mindful of their toxic qualities and when they start doing their ugly song and dance ignore their comments. I also create distance- I’ll still spend time with them in multi person settings but otherwise I don’t go out of my way to send a lot of texts or make 1:1 plans. I also give my attention to other people in a group setting as well so they start to register that maybe somethings off with your relationship and correct the way they act.

It’s the fictitious negative assumptions that really get me. For example, your brother didn’t care that you didn’t pay him for the lift, yet your mom made up a story in her head and caused a whole thing over nothing. If there is a term for this other than delusional, I need to know.

I’ve been to this rodeo. I go years between visits, stay at a hotel and meet family members preferably at a restaurant, bar, beach… visit their house in the afternoon and bring some cake.

Well the cost is on you as an adult.

Every family is different, mine don’t mind pitching in. Some expect you to come back successful and treat them.

Most treat you the same as if you lived there if it’s a longer visit (more than 1-2 weeks).

I’m a mother of a kid about to launch… I’m astounded by your post. Idk how old you are but I think this might be your realisation that your family is dysfunctional (no judgement - my parents are the same) and they don’t really form attachments in the way you probably do. Save your peace. Build your life. If you want to do your duty and visit - stay in a hotel take everyone out for dinner and then leave and enjoy your holiday. Coming home should be like being king for a day - everyone loves you and misses you and makes time to see you (unlike in real day to day life when you wouldn’t be prioritised like that if you moved back). It’s not normal for your mother to be expecting cash for car rides like that. I’m sure if your brother was that hard up for cash you would offer but it’s a couple dollars. I’m sorry your having this experience.

Lovely family, especially your mother seems to have all the care you would expect from a viper. I honestly pity you, and will gladly throw my weight behind cutting these people off and direct the money saved on tickets on trauma counseling.

I’m in a different situation: complete apathy from my family.

Nobody ever has offered to come visit me abroad in any of the countries I’ve lived in over the last twenty years.

Whenever I visit my home city, I just get apathetic remarks like, “Ah, well, I’m sure we can find time to meet for dinner.” I pay for a hotel because I’m not really welcome to stay with any of my family members. Many years ago I overstayed a visit a few weeks because I was having issues getting my visa paperwork processed, so they consider me a leech.

This was when I was a student and didn’t have any money, so cut me some slack, I think.

Anyway, I don’t think I’ll go back again for several years unless there’s a compelling reason to do so. I am more inclined to see old friends than my family.