I’m just a bit heartbroken and could do with some support.

My partner and I met in a country that we both are not from (I’ve been here for most of my life, but it is notoriously difficult to get permanent residency here so I am on a work visa). We’ve been dating for a year and he’s everything I’ve wanted, and more.

We’ve had a couple of difficult conversations over the last few days and have realised that there’s no way to make this relationship work. I want to move to a country that he has no interest in going to, and vice versa.

I don’t know how to deal with the pain of knowing that this was the right person, just the wrong time. On top of that, is this my fate as an expat? Should I only date once I know where I want to “settle down”, so to speak?

  • franckJPLF@alien.topBEnglish
    1·
    10 months ago

    Society is brainwashing you into believing there is a “unique right person”. It’s not the case at all actually. Modern life and all the tools it provides make it possible to find multiple right persons all along your life. So, stop believing in that crap and your life will be much more enjoyable.

    • pricklyvagina@alien.topOPBEnglish
      1·
      10 months ago

      You have a fair point. Rationally, I do believe that there are many people you can be compatible with.

      The emotional side of me is getting the better of me, however. Doesn’t help that I have very niche values, and have been told countless times that I’m never gonna find someone. Meeting my partner felt like proving that it was possible, and the fact that I’m losing it is very painful.

    • Mysterious_Spell_302@alien.topBEnglish
      1·
      10 months ago

      I met the right person and I knew he was the right one from the first date. We’ve been married many decades. My in-laws fell in love on the first date, too. And so did my son and his wife. I don’t know how much more enjoyable life can be.

      • franckJPLF@alien.topBEnglish
        1·
        10 months ago

        It’s only because you didn’t keep looking that you never met the other perfect partners.

        • katsiano@alien.topBEnglish
          1·
          10 months ago

          I don’t know, I have had several multi-year partners and not a single one of them has compared at all to my current partner who I know without a doubt I want to marry and have a family with. I think there’s some truth to the argument that part of the contentment comes from not continuing to search, but there is also something to be said for finding a person who aligns with you in terms of life priorities, sexual compatibility, emotional compatibility, communication styles, values, etc. That’s not always easy to find and align on all of those things and it’s a bit simplistic to say it would be easy to find another one just like that. I think there are right people for different times in our lives, both partners and friends, but there is a lot of value in working towards sharing a life with someone as you both grow and change. Staying with the same person for 20+ years is being with new people too - the people they grow into in their different life phases.