Hey there, currently facing a dilemma.
I’m not able to go back to my origin country for the holidays due to money, scheduling, flying in the winter being miserable, being horribly depressed just stuck in my parents house, and a friend recently moving to my new country and wanting to be there for them.
How do I even begin to tell my family that I’m not coming back? They’re trying to include me in a gift exchange (without having asked…), and just fully expect me to come back like I did last year. I’ve told them I don’t know about vacation time yet, but I’m not really sure what to say at this point.
Do I just lie and say I couldn’t get the time approved? Or do I tell the truth that I just don’t want to do all that travel and spend all that money…
You must log in or register to comment.
Pretty easy. Say ‘I’m not coming home’
Invite them to come to you.
Just tell them that due to finances you can’t make it this year. That you may not be able to come back for x holiday every single year.
They might not be thrilled about it but travel is crazy expensive.
I got tired of spending $15,000+ to drag my wife and kids half way around the world so the family could see us, when they are retired and have money and I’m trying to put something away… So I told them they could hop a plane and come see us.
Decades later and still waiting, so I guess it wasn’t that important after all.
Yep. I’ve been abroad 5 years. My parents have visited me once. One friend from my hometown has visited me once ever. I put in way more effort seeing them 1-2x a year than they do to see me….
So when I need to save money I don’t mind backing down for one year.
My parents only visited me like 3 times when I was living only 60km (around 38 miles) from them, and was working full-time while they were retired. Emigrated 2 years ago, now they want to visit in half a year for the very first time, because my sister wanted to visit and she is paying for them. Had she not offered this, they would never visit.
My family couldn’t be bothered to do the 11-hour drive… It was always us expected to go visit. Moving overseas basically changed nothing because it did not increase the frequency at which visits happened. If anything, it increased the effort that people put into trying to call and video…
Same. And 7 years later we went back once more to gather our belongings… but my MIL still isn’t interested in visiting
You are an adult, right?! Just tell them it’s too much of a bother + too high costs. Send your mom some flowers + your dad a nice bottle of whiskey (as you will heavily save on flight costs etc), face time them all during the holidays.
Throw away your little kiddy pants & finally put on some well fitting awesome adult pants.
"After lots of thought, I’ve made the difficult decision that I am not coming home for holidays this year. For a lot of reasons, it simply isn’t in the cards this time . I feel badly for the disappointing news, but hopefully this is enough notice that I am not included in a gift exchange or other plans. I look forward to video chatting with everyone at a time that is convenient for all of you together. "
Do I just lie and say I couldn’t get the time approved?
Do you live in a country where you get like eight weeks of holiday? That’d be a relatively obvious lie.
Just tell them that you’re not coming home this winter.
“Won’t be able to make it for Christmas this year. I’ll try to visit in the summer”
If they give you shit for this saying less is the best option.
“I’m sorry but it is not possible for me at this time.”
I find if you talk to people like you’re replying to an email they give up real quick.
If you lie and say that you can’t make it because you can’t afford it then somebody will offer to pay for your flight and you will end up needing to make more excuses. Just tell them the truth and say that you aren’t going because you have made other plans.
I haven’t been home for Christmas for the past 4 years, just be straightforward. Why do you need to lie?
What are you, twelve?
Tell them if they’re that bothered then they should try not being such a massive pain in the arse and then switch your phone off.
I mean, no offense but what you suggest sounds like a reaction from a 12 year old instead. There are ways to stand your ground while still being diplomatic and not burn bridges.
Post covid flight prices are bonkers, maybe next year.
Budget is always a good excuse with my family. Since you went back last year, you can say the trip was more expensive than you anticipated, and so sorry really regret hurts to say but you simply can’t afford it every year.
Yes, you lie. Do it sooner rather than later. Don’t over explain yourself. “Unfortunately I wasn’t able to get the time off.”
“Sorry, but I can’t get home for Christmas this year! Let’s meet up when I can!”
You don’t need to explain yourself, as a grown person. Just say you’re not coming.