Also, the Jewish God and Muslim Allah are on the International Space Station.
This is a parody account, right? Right?
It must be there’s no way this is real.
Oh dip, nice username
Thank you!
i feel like hes almost too articulate even in his typos for this to be non parody. this sounds like a non stupid guy making a joke for religious idiots to fall for.
I used to be sure of these things in the past, but now I ain’t so sure anymore…
God: All knowing and all powerful But wait, satellites, oh no!
Bulletproof logic
National Association of Satan’s Atheists, or NASA.
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Yes that’s the INASA.
“Satellites block God’s ability to watch us”
The omniscient, omnipotent god is defeated by a piece of space trash? What a rip-off.
Same God that ‘decided’ a year shouldn’t land on a whole day. Threw in that .25 for shits and giggles.
actually… .256363004 days or 6 h 9 min 9.76 s
Such intelligent design.
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If you accept the Biblical proof of God you do also have to accept that he’s a huge asshole.
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Why does God need a LOS?
This is the right amount of crazy that I’m not sure if it’s honest or parody for this country.
Also: Jesus gets my prayers because he’s in my heart, checkmate atheists.
Your cardiologist would like a word about having a 2,000 year old corpse in your heart.
But the body of Christ is bread.
Good. Christ can keep me hydrated.
Carbohydrated.
I’m not sure that’s how carbonation works.
But his blood will make you dehydrated.
This is the right amount of crazy to accidentally become real.
Which country?
The gun and Christian fundamentalist one.
It sounds horrifying if you put it like that. ):
MAGA. We put the Fun in “fundamental.”
That’s not Jesus in your heart, it’s a worm
Wait, is that why people were taking ivermectin? Not to cure COVID, but to get rid of their Jesus heart worm?
Funny how this is a Twitter post as half of all satellites orbiting earth (5581 out of 11300) are owned by Musk.
No, you’re mistaken. Lonnie is on the Right, which means his satellites reflect and amplify prayers. Or at least get a pass. He hates LGBTQ people, so he’s “good.” /s
No need for /s because that’s exactly how it works.
“If you hate the right people and say the right things, you are Good People, and Good People can’t do no wrong. If you’re not one of the Good People, you can do no right. Laws and rationalizations are there to punish those that are not Good People.”
Isn’t God supposed to be all-powerful and omnipotent?
That should tell you just how serious this issue with satellites is…
yes but he doesn’t want to interfere with our precious free will, starvation and rape be damned
we just have to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps
Evel
All prayers are being converted to “bring back Evel Knievel.” We really want him back.
Satan wins again. At this point the Christians have to admit they chose the losing side.
I mean this God of theirs is shit, can’t even get around satellites, didn’t think humans might beat their cocks raw despite seeing it constantly in Human 1.0 (Chimps), or that they might eat fish on a Tuesday or whatever. Even Jesus was fucking a whore and he was God incarnate.
Also God invented Cancer.
Jesus fucking a prostitute. I’m interested. Never read the bible so I don’t know about it, but I’m curious.
Mary Magdalene. It’s never explicitly stated in the canonical Bible (as if that means anything), but they were very close.
Interesting. Memories from my Christian school are coming back :'(
There does seem to be an effort made to get rid of her by the early church followers. Implying that she was a whore could have been a strategy. It’s weird because the Johannine community tried to save her in text. Which would mean it was the Paul crowd that did it and there is not a clear reason why. She would have had little interactions with the Paul community.
Source?
The Bible. What do you want from me?
The Christ confessor in Mark, Luke, and Matthew is Peter while Mary gets to go to the cave. In John the Christ confessor is Mary and she gets to go to the cave. The early church fathers liked to really play up her supposed life of being a whore before repentance. Meanwhile Paul hints at her existence and says nice things about her. At the same time Mark makes her so dumb she “tells no one” about what would be the single most important moment in Christianity while Luke and Matthew give her a helper to make the right decision.
It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what happened but there is a trend. She goes from being a major leader of the earliest church to a whore that Jesus saves and is too stupid to know what she saw. If I had to take a bet: she was part of the very early church, funded and organized a lot, and had some falling out probably with someone from Paul’s community. So Mark tried to memoryhole her and would have done it except John had some story about how she rocked and saved her.
What do you mean the Christ Confessor? In Matthew 28 , Peter isn’t mentioned, but Mary finds the empty tomb. In John 20 and Luke 24, Peter runs to the tomb after being told by Mary. In all of these accounts, Peter is given a position which appears to be “lesser” than Mary Magdelene. In Mark, she was too afraid to tell anyone until Jesus appeared to her and reassured her (John goes into detail about this, and notes how she was crying in distress). If she actually didn’t tell anyone permanently, that fact wouldn’t have been recorded.
Also worth mentioning, she had seven demons driven out. Wasn’t a whore. This is basically just a weirdly elaborate theory which doesn’t really hold any water or value whatsoever.
Christ confessor: the person who answers Jesus when he asks who I am for the first time. Check for yourself the first three gospels it is Peter the fourth it is Mary.
The endings of Mark wasn’t part of the original. They were attempts at harmonizing the text. The original ending ends with Mary fleeing the tomb and telling no one.
She was just one of His many followers, it’s quite an absurd speculation. Also doesn’t say that she was a prostitute anywhere.
True. If only the was more than one story from his life between being a child, and being in his 30s… Oh well I guess we’ll just have to assume he lived as a monk and denied himself of anything pleasurable 🙄
Though I recently learned that there is a book about it, it’s just that it wasn’t chosen to be “canonical,” and therefore means you can ignore it completely? Curiously, Jesus does some really fucked up things in that book, including showing off his powers, and killing people just to bring them back to life. The Infancy Gospel of Thomas is the book btw.
Who gets to decide that book isn’t true but the rest are?
The infancy Gospel of Thomas was written well over one hundred years after Jesus had already left earth, in the second century. It claimed that Jesus performed random frivolous miracles for fun, when the Gospel of John said that the water to wine miracle was the first. We also don’t know who “Thomas the Israelite” is either.
It’s likely just something someone made up to try and give a narrative for Jesus’ childhood.
Jesus also likely cast the demons out of Mary Magdalene while in His thirties. Jesus wouldn’t need a female partner if He actually was truly God.
When were Matthew, Mark, Luke and John written?
Here, let me save you a quick Google:
The Gospel of Mark probably dates from c. AD 66–70, Matthew and Luke around AD 85–90, and John AD 90–110. Despite the traditional ascriptions, all four are anonymous and most scholars agree that none were written by eyewitnesses.
Oh look at that.
after Jesus had already left Earth
Lol ok bud. Whatever delusion makes you happy.
What are you trying to prove? The infancy gospel of thomas was written likely around 180AD and even then, people were already calling it out as being a fake.
You clearly aren’t looking for an open-minded discussion by calling me “delusional”, anyway.
This is an actual Biblical fact, for more details see the documentary The Da Vinci Code.
If it was a biblical fact, you could give me details by giving me biblical references, not a french fiction novel 😂
Autism, huh?
What? I asked for references from the actual collection of documents that depict Jesus, instead of a fictional novel written in 2003
This is either (1) satire, (2) trolling, or (3) someone who has no real grasp of Christianity. Or some combination of the above.
(4) Protestants doing an unholy amalgamation of Catholic spirituality and Rational Scientific Inquiry to reach absurdist conclusions at their intersection.
(5) Cheap propaganda to further destabilize American institutions and hegemony
If this works then whomever is being convinced, should be convinced, as it clarifies where the idiocy-non-idiocy line is.
Nar man. It isn’t all about idiocy. Not everyone has your level of education; and even aside from that, people tend to grab bits and pieces of ideas that support what they already believe.
So if someone believes in god and the power of pray etc. but they feel that life still isn’t going there way - they might see some value in this ‘reason’. And even if this evil satellite thing is still implausible, a person might take bits of the idea to make their own version about something / someone else blocking prays. It could be 4G radiation, or vaccine microchips, or some other boogieman crap. It all feeds into a persons broader ‘understanding’ of how things could be even if they don’t take in the whole idea.
You and I are basically immune to this particular post. It just looks like total garbage immediately. But it is incorrect and dangerous to think that only ‘idiots’ can be conned or tricked. All it takes is for someone to post ideas on the boundaries of what you understand, with a taste of what you want to hear. That’s what hooks people in. For smart and educated people, that boundary of understanding can be pretty far in - but it still exists, and that’s where the manipulation can still get them.
Yeah, I hear you, but this is a person that is unconscious, I mean if they’re using the internet to post stuff, have they even thought or tried to understand one iota of what the hell is going on?
I’ve met some smart people that make these reasoning errors because they want to believe that phenomena just cannot be complex. Not even I’m excluded from these errors, I’m also just human.
I can sympathize with uneducated people and them grasping for fictitious enemies because they lack control of and in their own lives.
What makes things even worse is that this is supposed a pastor, and he’s using his authority to spread this bullcrap.
I’m not immune to this type of misinformed and irrational thinking, but I think my confusion results from more sophisticated material in many cases, that being said I still hold irrational ideas around conspiracies, but I don’t hold them as gospel, merely as possibiliry.
Unfortunately even us educated people might not be spared when generative AI begins to rewrite our history in each of our 5 senses and leaves us no way to look back in time to find the ground truth.
(7) The war on xmas!
My take is that this qualifies as having no real grasp of Christianity. But I wouldn’t argue hard against this being a separate option
If there’s something the internet has confirmed since its’ inception, is that humanity is both incredibly clever and incredibly stupid, in equal measure, beyond what I ever imagined was possible, beyond what I could conceive.
(3) …Christianity or basic foundational education…
Exactly. Everyone knows that Jesus navigates based his position relative to the the absolute position of celestial bodies. That and there is no way that a simple, unarmored satelite would make it past his point-defense batteries and compromise his re-entry trajectory.
It’s clearly a joke. But it’s not that much more ridiculous than what many Christians actually believe. That’s the joke.
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All those prayers from soccer fans for their team to win the World Cup were being intercepted all along 😥
That explains all the USA and Russian World Cup championships won. Too much technology 😧
That sounds like the story of those Christians who were afraid of lightning rods because it might interfere with their God’s ability to punish people by lightning.
Or the ones who thought street lighting was demonic. This pattern has basically occurred repeatedly throughout history
I consider these associations of QOL improvements with mythical characteristics attempts of narrative control, with which religious leaders could exert power over new developments. My assumption is that previously, organised religions were powerful and agile enough in their narrative that those new development could be held in control of the religion, but with the beginning of exponential and distributed knowledge production they were kinda outnumbered and became as weird as they are today. I have no motivation or sources to back this up, though.
Sorry mate, I think you’re just crazy.
It’s likely just paranoid people using religion to justify their paranoia
Let’s detonate the moon since it’s the biggest satellite
It’s a good job they haven’t heard of ceilings yet. 😅
I did the research. It is satire. They wished everyone a Merry Eaglemas this week.
This is a funny one.
