WASHINGTON—Claiming the luminous potion would make the nation strong and vigorous, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. issued an order Friday directing all Americans to drink a mysterious glowing liquid. “In order to end the chronic disease epidemic in this country, it is imperative that every man, woman, and child take a large […]
These are no fun anymore considering how plausible they are.
The word mysterious ruins it for me. They always know damn well what it is. They will chug pesticide knowing full well its pesticide because these clowns told them to do it
I mean if you swapped RFK Jr for Rick Perry you’d have a pretty accurate headline with no satire: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/11/us/politics/rick-perry-drug-psychedelics-ibogaine.html?unlocked_article_code=1.dk8.cpUf.XotB3zHLKRkD&referringSource=articleShare (gift link)
And he was in charge of the nukes? No joking?
Oh Mr bones, I would like off now
Pesticide can have no effect on humans. In fact, it’s generally a desirable attribute of pesticide to not affect humans, to be a poison that only affects the target.
https://gizmodo.com/these-people-took-ddt-pills-in-the-1970s-to-prove-it-wa-1678385578
That’s great it still doesn’t cure cancer or whatever mr brain worm is saying that week.
Fair enough.
That doesn’t mean anything. You can swallow 10mg of cyanide and not feel anything. I still don’t want it sprayed everywhere.
For real. It’s much more strange that he hauled a whale head down the interstate until it fell off the vehicle…or the dumping of a bear in central park…or the very real brain worms.
Mostly, though … his
lack of knowledgeopulent ambiguity towards medical science; considering his position.I used to be able to spot Onion headlines on sight. Now I have to check, every time.