cross-posted from: https://lemmy.zip/post/28090390
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/35018512
Far more than c/mildlyinfuriating
Funny how this is supposed to be absurd - upside down duck, cake, “bizarro” and all - but it’s actually pretty accurate. So many products out there that require you to download their shitty spyware in order to do the things they are supposed to do.
If you buy garbage products you get garbage products. That’s on you.
Find me a new car in 2024 that doesnt store every GPS coordinate you’ve driven at for eternity. Genuinely, I’d like to see the non-garbage option because my '04 is getting old.
If I buy a new car, I’m going to have to figure out how to lobotomise it. At the very least, you should be able to mess up or cage any transmitters.
I have no idea if that’s possible without taking the whole thing apart, though.
Yep. Until you can’t find non-garbage products anymore because 95% of everyone else is dumb enough to fall for it.
I think there’s a reasonable case to be made against buyer beware here, we need to ban this shit.
I was just making this point with a laissez faire capitalism coworker. Bro just cannot understand the invisible hand is very often wrong.
That’s funny to hear. I’d actually say this kind of thing that happens with electronics is unusual, and people do know what’s in their own best interest the vast majority of the time. Dunno if that puts me in the picture or not.
For example, try buying a television in a retail store that doesn’t have “smart” features at all, just inputs, outputs, and a digital tuner.
I wish. I really do. I want it so badly. My TV upgrades over the past 4 years have all been thrift store finds because I refuse to be forced to buy a device that WILL be obsolete one day.
From what I’ve heard, the move is to substitute in a monitor.
What happens when the company goes out of business? You no longer can flush?
Precisely
As long as they can convince their shareholders this will eventually make money and you buy into their eventual $30/flush subscription they won’t have to go out of business
Just 9.99 per month
Until the company shuts down its servers and your toilet stops working.
And that’d be “only” a toilet. People out there euphorically buying cars like that.
Most people are idiots. You cannot change my mind.
And it goes down mid-use, and the toilet has tamper-proofing that stops you from emptying it any other way “for security”.
And then you “unfortunately” have to buy the newer version for just a couple of bucks more
Unrecognized toilet paper roll detected. Please make sure to only use authentic rolls.
For the basic plan, based on usage though it looks like you’d save more with our premium tier that allows unlimited flushes per day and includes our smellfesh scent subscription.
Not just download the app, but sign up for an account (and the newsletter in the process).
Then grant permissions to your phone:
- camera (so it can watch you poop and train + analyze the footage with AI)
- microphone (so it can hear and analyze if your plops are optimal)
- contacts (to send out an invitation to all your contacts, along with a clip of your last poop sesh)
- photos and videos (to upload, store, and analyze your life since birth, along with everyone else who’s in your pictures)
- sensors (to see how you’re holding the phone, when, how much, how hard, etc.)
- notifications (to sell you the premium plan)
- location (for pinpoint accuracy of your 💩 locations)
- call logs (to see who you’re communicating with before, during, and after you drop your log)
- nearby devices (for accuracy and to silently communicate with nearby devices)
- calendar (for full history and to schedule your next mondo duke)
Don’t forget all the health and biometric data, last used app, and Facebook access
I laughed a lot when I saw this and I sent it to my parent who laughed too. This is my parents house right now. They want buttons for their lamps but they were forced to get an app for most of them and had to fight the company to put in buttons. They also got a ventilation system without buttons and they could not get buttons except if they payed for a very expensive hub, so they went for the app. But only one person can be connected at a time and you have to unpair before someone else can pair, so the app act as if it is the hub… it is very strange
Set up Home Assistant on a Pi or something for them. It can likely control everything from a central app
My parents had a house built a couple of years ago and it’s the same with them. It’s real hard for me to say “I told you so” like every time I go over there and see them fighting with some app bullshit on one of their appliances. It pisses me off so much because there was nothing wrong with their old house and now I’m going to be stuck inheriting the new one that’s worse in every way. Probably right around the time all the cut corners in the construction start coming out as the place falls apart.
The Japanese have already perfected smart toilets. There is no app, but there are loads of buttons, including for a heated seat and some music or ambient sounds to help you relax and disguise unpleasant noises.
What about a little fountain spritz of lit up water like in that one Simpsons episode?
Those would be clogged up in a few days. And I’m not even talking about shit, but limescale buildup. We have super hard water here.
And fireworks for celebratory pooping.
The disparity in toilets in that country is insane. You have ones with full remote controls on the seat in some places then others that are squat holes that flush
But don’t you see the benefit - the data on your flushes helps our Trusted† FlushMe Partners ® provide more relevant service to you, and also helps us partially offset the cost of our running our flush servers, allowing us to provide service to you for only $29.99 monthly††!
†: All FlushMe partners have undergone creditworthiness checks. ††: Limited time one month introductory offer. FlushMe may, but is not required to, provide you with a personalised monthly price for renewal of the service.
Funnily enough, my toilet has it’s own app.(“Japanese style” shower toilet by a German company)
It’s non-cloud, Bluetooth only, all functions work without it,but it tells you when preventative maintenance is due and enables you to configure the user profiles easier.
So there’s that.
Wouldn’t have bought it otherwise.
“FlushMe: Have You Shat Today!?”
Don’t worry. I’m on a streak. If I keep it going for 30 days I will unlock the flushing feature without having to pay for premium.
Free trial exhausted. Subscribe now to keep using server infrastructure. After all, all you bought was the toilet, you can’t expect the server space for free.
too many household appliances need an app
Triple Flush Achievement Unlocked! Share with your friends?
Shares with all of your contacts by default. Also includes a sales pitch to each of them to sign up as well
Android has this feature of “Work Profile” that allows you to put these shitty apps in a separate profile so they can’t accept any of your data. I mean it’d be better if we don’t have distopian apps to begin with, but here we are…
(I used an app called “Shelter” that sets up a “work profile” and put apps in there and the apps can’t access my photos contacts, or anything basically)
There’s also Insular which lets you clone apps and run them in an isolated sandbox. It’s open source and available in F-Droid.
Correct! I use it whenever I am forced to install some apps. I always loved the android architechture
NOOO!!! This is the Torment Nexus of toilets… now some company is going to do this…
Some company surely already done this.
Enshitification intensifies.
