Oh boy… this is literally a romcom situation you’re in. Good luck OP.

I’m making the opposite decision. Going to the Netherlands for a masters in tech, but forgoing possibly earning a lot more I’d be making even after a 2 year degree. I don’t know what’s right either.

But it sounds like you have hesitations. If you think you’ll regret one decision more…

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. It simply is not easy to get a job in the USA when you’re not here, and you have visa hurdles. If your study allows you to roll into some OPT you should take it.

My wife has had a similar experience. In retrospect, she has no idea what to think of this. Both going back and staying have their pros and cons. It’s not an easy decision at all and I don’t think reading others’ experiences would help a lot since it varies so much from one person to the other.

I’ve lived in Italy for a while so I’ll just say this: if you don’t have very real job prospects back home, don’t go back. I guess you know already, but the job market there sucks and if you have good opportunities in California, at least try to have a job there for a while before deciding at least.

Also, I assume that you’re still very young, meaning that you’re at the age when you have to experience life to the max. Going back to a small town in Italy may not be the best option for that too.

I have been in a very similar situation, though my spouse and I were a bit more aligned on where we wanted to be.
Looking at your situation I would say it seems if you do go back to live with your boyfriend, you would likely be stuck in that city for a while, potentially forever right? It sounds like he is pretty set on staying there. If that’s not a future that you can handle it might be best to stay in California.

At the same time, if staying in California means you might lose the love of your life, can you really live with that? Just remember there will be a point in time in your life where work and career will become less of a priority than family, especially if you do have kids. Personally, if I felt I found the one it wouldn’t even be a decision for me to be with them, I just would. But I know right now it feels like career is just as important. I would just encourage to think long-term either way.

Regardless of whatever decision you make you should tell him everything and give him a chance to say how he feels about it.

What’s your timeline with your boyfriend? Would you like to get married, kids?

The reason I’m asking is because when I got out of university I mainly wanted to work on my career, have fun and travel. I moved to the US with my husband then. My priorities changed when I had my two kids though, which is why I’m moving back to Europe after 6 years. So it might not be the right time for you to move back now. You don’t have to decide if you’re both content at the moment. Can you talk with your boyfriend about it?

Stay in the US. We need people like you. Educated and hard workers

I’ve been in a similar place. Unless you come from money, don’t go back. There’s nothing in Italy for the working person.

Best of luck

I want to tell you, that no matter which direction you choose to go in, you will still feel a sense of loss for the thing you left behind. It’s unfortunate. I chose my spouse and kids over a really good career I had the opportunity to chase.

I’m not suggesting you do that. I already had a husband and young babies when I stumbled into the career I loved. But chasing it meant a difficult future for them. My situation was a little different.

I don’t regret my choice, but I do still think of that fulfillment I got when chasing that career and I feel it’s loss still to this day. Some people can have both, and some cannot. Or you may be able to choose the family life and have a different version of the career you imagined, and be happy with that.

The most important thing here, is that you’re happy. But I did want to warn you (from someone who’s been there), there’s a solid chance you’ll feel a sense of loss regardless of your choice. That’s not a bad thing. Having two homes (two lives) you love so much that you miss one when you’re in the other, is a privilege.

Best of luck with your choice.

Try envisioning going back to Italy and seeing yourself five years from now, asking yourself, “What if I had stayed?” Follow your heart but use your head.

Haha, imagine asking internet whether you should break up with “your love of your life” You people need to sit and think before writing random shit.

Most people here are answering from a relationship advice point of view, but really the question here is if you can even “decide” to stay in the US.

I assume you already graduated or you are about to; are you currently staying in the US under an F-1 visa, or did you become a US resident (through green card or naturalization)? If you are a US resident, then you can make the choice to stay.

If you are staying under an F-1 visa, what’s the OPT time you have left to find a job? Once you find a job, is the employer going to apply for an H1B visa for you? This is a costly process so usually only big companies agree to do so. Not only this, the selection is completely random, except for graduate degree holders who get their name in the selection pool twice (vs. once for BS-only holders) for each application year. If you get rejected after your last OPT year, you have to leave before the OPT runs out, unless you find another way to stay (e.g., marriage). If the company cannot afford to apply but you decide to take the job anyway, it’s the same outcome: you will have to leave after your OPT is over or find another way to stay (e.g., marriage).

Bottom line is; don’t even bring up the topic to your boyfriend until you get an offer from a company that will apply for an H1B for you. Best case scenario, if you got a masters or a PhD in STEM (not sure about other fields), and you did not use up any significant amount of time from your OPT, you will get to stay in the US for at minimum 3 years with a real chance of staying for the long term. Otherwise, I don’t think it’s worth considering staying after graduation. You can try to go back later under a work visa if you find an international corporation that has relocated employees before.

I’ve seen this situation play out before between friends and it’s always very difficult. I used to live in Italy so I understand the difficulties of the job market and you probably have zero career prospects in your bf’s city. Have you done any searches for jobs in Milan or anywhere else in the north. I understand the chances to find something are pretty low but maybe a good compromise is to be a frecciarossa and a regionale away then a 12 hour flight.

Another option is Germany. They’re dying for graduates like you right now. They just revamped their entire visa immigration system because they’re struggling for talent. What about a few years there which is closer to home

Also have you properly looked into US visas, specifically the H1 lottery and know everything you’re getting yourself into. A lot of my foreign friends who came to the US for school didn’t properly look into how difficult it is even for stem graduates