I moved from Italy to California two years ago for university and now I’m at the point where I need to start looking for a job. My boyfriend is in Italy and my project has always been to eventually go back and live with him. Now I don’t know if I want that anymore. He’s the person of my life and all my family and friends are in Italy, but I don’t want to leave California. I’m attached to this idea of big opportunities I have here in California. I belong both here and there, I have the feeling I’m giving up on my future if I go back. Also I feel it would be somewhat a personal failure to go back to the small italian city where my boyfriend lives. Has anyone had a similar experience?
Most people here are answering from a relationship advice point of view, but really the question here is if you can even “decide” to stay in the US.
I assume you already graduated or you are about to; are you currently staying in the US under an F-1 visa, or did you become a US resident (through green card or naturalization)? If you are a US resident, then you can make the choice to stay.
If you are staying under an F-1 visa, what’s the OPT time you have left to find a job? Once you find a job, is the employer going to apply for an H1B visa for you? This is a costly process so usually only big companies agree to do so. Not only this, the selection is completely random, except for graduate degree holders who get their name in the selection pool twice (vs. once for BS-only holders) for each application year. If you get rejected after your last OPT year, you have to leave before the OPT runs out, unless you find another way to stay (e.g., marriage). If the company cannot afford to apply but you decide to take the job anyway, it’s the same outcome: you will have to leave after your OPT is over or find another way to stay (e.g., marriage).
Bottom line is; don’t even bring up the topic to your boyfriend until you get an offer from a company that will apply for an H1B for you. Best case scenario, if you got a masters or a PhD in STEM (not sure about other fields), and you did not use up any significant amount of time from your OPT, you will get to stay in the US for at minimum 3 years with a real chance of staying for the long term. Otherwise, I don’t think it’s worth considering staying after graduation. You can try to go back later under a work visa if you find an international corporation that has relocated employees before.