I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.
The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.
I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?
And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.
Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.
North America and Europe are very different, on energy, vibes and soul level not to mention cultural differences. I’m from Canada living in Madrid for over 12 years. I was fully bilingual prior to moving here. People think I’m a Spaniard. Deep down I don’t feel at home. It’s hard to explain. The freedom I feel while driving on American highways the daily spontaneous and friendly small talk with strangers and lots of other things…that I miss.
I won’t go back to Canada because I’m done with those harsh winters, plus, things aren’t great back home. But I’d gladly move to the US, for good.
You experienced France and gave it enough years. But your heart is back home. The US is where you truly belong. Most likely it’s time to follow your heart.
I can vouch for the freedom of driving around…I now live in Cali, and that freedom to drive to the beach or the mountains for the day, or up the coast for the weekend
Are people more friendly in Canada then in Spain? With stranger or just in general
Asking as a Canadian
Not to me, at least. I lived in Winnipeg back in 2009-2010 and the social aspects/friendships very kinda off-putting. People were very respectful and helpful, but the interactions felt cold and distant.
Spain felt very warm, its like people emotionally embrace you much faster and easier.
I’m not from Canada or Spain, just to make it clear.
So I’m a Mexican who lived 5 years in Spain and currently lives in Canada.
Canadians and Spaniards have a different definition of friendliness.
In Canada it’s very normal to strike up a chat with complete strangers in day to day situations but those chats are usually just “surface level” stuff.
Canadians have a serious taboo about seeming judgemental or negative, which leads to them walking on eggshells, which leads to conversations that feel fake and hidden behind a veneer of positivity. I personally get the impression that people ask me about my life but they don’t give a shit about whatever answer I give.
In Spain it’s much rarer to strike up conversations with strangers, but if you do, you can end up having a deeper conversation and hear people’s real opinions.
Spaniards also don’t mind being judgemental or negative, so you might sometimes encounter unpleasant opinions, but they feel like people’s real opinions.
If a Spaniard cares about your life they will ask you about it and listen, if they don’t care they simply won’t ask you.
To summarize Canadians are nicer, but it feels fake, while Spaniards can be assholes, but it feels genuine.
Neither is better than the other, but I personally prefer the Spanish way.
I’m a French who lived in both Canada and Spain. I agree with what you say about Canada. Whenever I listen to a conversation or participate to a conversation I feel like people are talking but they are not saying anything! That’s always at superficial level, people won’t ask me interesting questions and won’t be curious, they never ask me anything about my life in France but they will ask me questions that I always wonder where it’s gonna lead us, almost like they learned it on a manual. At the end of a conversation I always ask myself « wait what did they say again? Nothing ! »
The funny thing is how much they are scared to say certain words. I was working in a retail store and sometimes customers would look for colleagues of mine, since they didn’t know their name I would say « is it a black guy, middle eastern, asian? » 100% would sweat and shit their pants as if it was an insult, imagining thinking it’s an insult to the world black-african-arab-middlesstern-latino-asian etc.
Yes. Currently live in Canada and Canadians are very nice but it’s hard to form deep relationships. I find it’s easier with Quebecois and the worst with people from Ontario.
I find it similar. The Québecois feel more culturally similar to Europe.
As a born and raised Canadian, if you’re a stranger, of course I’m not going to go into deep conversation or completely where my heart on my sleeve if I’ve just met you. I have no problem getting into deeper and more personal banter with my friends though. Especially those whom I trust and of course building trust takes time. Most of my friend circles are like this. I’m in AB if it makes any difference.
Nothing wrong with that, I think it’s important to understand that different cultures have different unspoken rules, it’s up to us expatys/immigrants to adapt to them.
I’m an American who lived in Spain for a free months many years ago. I agree with what you’re saying.
But I also interpreted Spaniard’s indifference as a certain … haughtiness? It’s hard to explain, but though if I were being more generous in my interpretation it may be more like they are just proud.
One thing that really shook me in Spain was the misogyny and sexism. Me and my female friends suffered constant harassment and I saw Spanish women being aggressively harassed and grabbed too. I’ve travelled frequently in Latin America including many trips to Mexico, and never experienced anything close to the kind of hostility some Spanish men displayed towards women.
But this was late 1980’s, so hopefully there’s been some changes.
I’m absolutely with you on this. That’s the thing about Spain, there’s very little taboo around being openly rude, so you will bump into unrepentant assholes more often than in other places.
Well put, in my opinion. Originally from the U.S., I lived in both Canada and Spain.
I found people in Spain much friendlier but who knows.
Not to foreigners. It is very surface friendly but impossible to make lasting friendships.
Good god no. Not by a mile. I am a Southerner who’s lived in both. Spanish people are as friendly as Southerners, in my opinion. Very open, welcoming, and friendly. Canadians are…I don’t even know what the term is. It’s like you guys have this wall and get really weirded out when somebody crosses this wall of what is just standard friendliness in the South and Spain. I get that it’s cultural but it was very hard to get used to. I don’t think I ever did to be honest.
Yes.