I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.
The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.
I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?
And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.
Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.
I used to live in Germany and Denmark, but made the mistake of coming back home to the states with a one way ticket, where my parents moved to Minnesota. I tried to go back but didn’t have the funds. After getting caught smoking hash in my little brothers room, they kicked me out and I had to go find a job. I jumped from one shitty job to the next, rented rooms until I found a super cheap warehouse space in downtown Mpls. where I started my woodworking company. Today 37 years later, I still have that company, 2 houses, 2 parcels of land up north, one for hunting, the other for fishing. I took the cards I was dealt and made the best of them. I do wish I had gone back to Europe though. I know I’d most likely still be there today, most likely with my own woodworking company. I wouldn’t be caught up in the materialistic lifestyle that we have here, and would be seeing more of the world. I’d certainly be having more sex as well and not committed to just one woman, and that would be accepted. I’d certainly be more active too, going to see historical sites around Europe, art shows, festivals and the like. No, here in Minnesota, life is definitely different. While I do enjoy my nice big woodworking shop, life is pretty boring otherwise. There’s simply nowhere interesting to go around here, and not many attractions. Wife and I do get out to concerts from time to time, I sell my wares at festivals, but I think I miss the travel, historical and art scenes in Europe the most. I’m not a sports fan at all, and would never wear anything advertising a brand. Yet all my “friends” here are that way. They always wear Viking or Twins shirts, talk sports all day long. They can’t talk about anything else with an active interest. That’s what I miss about Europe. The people are more culturally diverse and know a lot more, and are interested in a lot more. They also are more interested in you as a person unlike here. Here, my own family (except my dad), hasn’t asked me about my job or what I’m up to in the 38 years I have been back. They just don’t care, but will gladly tell you all about their boring lives when asked. And I do ask them about what they are doing, just don’t expect the same favor. In short, Minnesotans are a weird lot. Tough to really get to know them as it takes years upon years, and then you’ll never really get to know them too well anyway. Oh and they are either way too liberal or way too republican.