I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.
The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.
I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?
And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.
Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.
One mistake that I frequently notice expats making is living in one region/city and then saying they don’t like the country. I lived coast to coast in Canada before realizing the things that were deal breakers for me were issues common in Canada as a whole. Every place has its ups and downs and there are plenty of places where I would never set foot in the States (NYC and New Jersey, for example), but I love Georgia (obviously not without its faults as well).
France is a lot more than just Paris. I would try living in other cities/regions before giving up on the country.
a lot of people have said this, but at the risk of sounding like a giant snob, having grown up in a city as big and in movement as new york, i even found it an adjustment to come around to what i perceive as a slower, smaller life in paris. i think i would go completely insane if i went any smaller
I’m a French I’ve been living in Canada for a year. I didn’t know much about the country and its people before moving but now I see the flaws that bother me greatly. Where do you come from if I can ask and what were the deal breakers for you?
I am from Georgia USA. 6 months of winter is pretty brutal to a southerner. My brain is just not used so much dark and grey. The cold I can deal with. Cost of living is pretty insane. Housing is a big issue. Healthcare being free is great but I wasn’t able to access anything in my five years time there besides an eight hour wait at the hospital. Less job opportunities for lower pay. The people are very polite but with Canadians there is this weird wall that’s really hard to break through to make friends. It’s a big contrast to the south where people are very warm and welcoming. If you’re from Europe, I’d say the difference is similar to Spain vs Finland.
Interesting! Even an American can see this wall (not the same but it took me some time to make the difference). The wall you talked about is really what makes me wanna leave forever. I feel like I have no life there, every conversation I have with people is sterile.
Yes the housing is a big issue, I was promised low rent but since I am lucky covid and inflation hit hard right before moving. If I had to invest in housing I would definitely do that in the US. Thanks for your reply!