I’ve moved away from my home country for about a year now.
Whenever I can, I try to stay in touch with family back home via the phone or messaging apps, I’ve never been super attached to my family, but every family has their issues, nevertheless I try my best.
After finally getting my residency in my new country, I was planning on going back home, and I just feel like nobody in my home country cares, I would be writing excited messages about visiting home just to get very cold responses. It feels like everyone has moved on and forgot about me. I know my mom and relatives have never been expressive, but the least you could do is look forward to me visiting. Last week I got covid, although I wasn’t dying or anything, but when I told family members, all they did was reply “take care” and that was it. I know everyone has their own personal problems, but I just can’t help but feel kind of sad that nobody in my home country seems to care about me anymore.
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Always remember that people care PRIMARILY about themselves. So, if you’re not a part of their daily universe, you become less important. It’s just a fact of life.
Nobody ever said the expat lifestyle was easy. Yes, you’re now experiencing one of the costs. Every alternative has costs. This is yours.
Add it all up. If the “net” of good-n-bad makes sense, keep going. If not, make a change. But there will always be both benefits and costs. Examine them honestly. The path forward is up to you.
shocking!
I found it easy to leave my home country.
I rarely go back, I’m sure I’m barely missed and if I did think about it too much, I’d probably be a little sad too.
But perhaps, the reason why we could leave, is because we wouldn’t be missed as much as we’d hoped (subconsciously). You said felt a lack of expressiveness in others.
I left for work. I’m sure I did it on some sort of auto pilot. Naive youth I guess.
It worked out, I have friends, family, far more wealth than my family has combined but I am detached from that country I called home for 18 years.
I have toyed with going back - but my next journey, is outwards, not backwards. Going to explore more of the world….
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Thanks for sharing
You are dramatizing this too much. Why do you need people to perform care so that you can feel good about yourself? You are in your own tunnel, they are in theirs. Not a big deal.
Yeah that happens. Try 7 years away and you are only more out of the loop.
I’m at an age where those old friends are having families of their own now, so it’s to be expected.
I try and remind myself that even if I were to have stayed at home, it’s very likely my social circles would have changed anyway.
Friends coming in and going out of your life is pretty normal.
I do the same regarding your comment about reminding myself my situation would be similar had I stayed in my home country.
I’m not OP, but I got my Portuguese residency within 7 months of applying. It went pretty quickly.
But you’re not a permanent resident right, you got like a NIE?
What kind of residency?
I wasn’t referring to friends as I know those coma and go, was more referring to immediate family
Myself I don’t get this. If it was good and vibing. We stay good. If we did grew apart and lost the vibe. Then fine.
Been out 18 years and people are pumped when I come back. I guess it depends on your relationships and how well you maintain them and also how good they were in the first place.
Vy honest and relatable, an authentic aspect l share btw, the value of people in home country is telegraphed by the fact you wanted to split l learned this being away winters in tropics and having that seem to arise out of envy on returns. Although it has less to do with people than is inferred in earnest. I find relative malaise around me back winters via covid economic political effects. l failed at a visa attempt in a destination country where l planned to retire during covid. Now in hindsight it would have been a bad set evidenced how the country acted with lock downs which were draconian and now having turbo domestic problems, maybe dodged a bullet.
So a general truth regarding friends home in us is no one has enough feel good to share it gratuitously. Some do suck and it’s why l cannot count on the majority of them for squat. I shifted recently to recognize “shine it on” wish em well smile away for the good times and not feel loss as personal or with any spite. its better now and different it will get that way for you l imagine. day at a time if need be. good luck
Did your Mum take down your One Direction posters? Time to grow up.
I think it ebbs and flows. I’ve been living abroad for 13 years and I was and still am close to my family. But I have a family of my own now, and my siblings do, too, and many of my friends from “back home.” Sometimes I am in touch with them more than others, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Try not to take it too personally if they’re not as responsive as you’d like, tone can be hard to read over text.
I think you are just missing home. Just visit often and ask them to visit you. Enjoy them even if it’s dinner or for lunch and don’t think they “don’t care” or not there for you, you may be surprised that once you see them and tell them the funny stories of your adventure, you will have fun with them again.
I believe it’s often because of jealousy.
That’s just sad 😞
My friends stopped contact with me. Iv no friends at home now. Am I hurt? For sure. But that’s life.
I’ve experienced this with my friends. They really don’t care and when we meet up, the conversation happens between the 2 of them about subjects that I’m not part of and I’m the 3rd wheel.
Tradeoffs