I have been living in the UK for 6 years. I initially came here for university and now I work a corporate job in accounting.
Other Eastern European men might be able to relate to the below.
Life in the UK is quite good - I have a large network of friends, mostly expats from my home country and other European countries. I am quite happy with the lifestyle that my salary provides, the work-life balance, the career opportunities for low to mid-level positions, the infrastructure, the lack of bureaucracy, etc.
However, there are is one area of concern: Dating. Dating has proven to be incredibly difficult. From my and my friends’ experience, most British women are not interested in anything beyond a hookup or short-term relationship with someone from Eastern Europe.
Also, from my experience, most Romanian women in my age range in London either moved here together with their partners from Romania, or (usually the more educated, cosmopolitan ones) are either looking for a British partner to better integrate into the culture here, or want to try things with other European expats (typically Western / Southern European) to experience other cultures while they are young. Nothing wrong with that, but that means that the dating prospects for people in my position are quite bleak.
Before you comment saying that there might be something wrong with me personally, I must say that I believe that is not the case. Out of my close group of friends (6 guys), only one has been able to find a relationship here post-university, and that is with a girl from South America. Another one came here with his long-term girlfriend from Romania. They broke up a year ago, and the girl got into a relationship with an Italian guy shortly after, while the guy is still single and not having much success. Therefore, I am not alone in this regard.
My perception is that being from Eastern Europe has a series of negative stereotypes associated with one’s origin if the individual in question is a man, especially when interacting with Western Europeans (from my limited experience, this does not really seem to apply to interactions with Americans). However, for women, that does not seem to be the case (or at least not to the same extent).
Having said that, I am not really sure if the solution would be to move back to my home country, or perhaps try somewhere else. I feel like I would do a lot better in terms of dating, but then I would definitely not be enjoying the lifestyle I currently do in the UK (accounting doesn’t pay much back home) + a plethora of reasons why I left initially.
What are your thoughts on the above? I am more than happy to have my views challenged.
I will be honest my friend, I find Eastern Euro men very insecure and meek behind that fake bravado they all have.
I’ve been threatened several times for flirting with Polish women (they were single) and usually approached me (bars, clubs etc)
Not sure why, but hot Polish women usually have atleast one or two friend zoned simps following them around.
My gf is Romanian. Dating women anywhere in the world helps if you are perceived as socio-economically well off as they have lots of options and if they want a family they need someone who is able to buy a house with them and give them the opt of staying home if they get pregnant. I’m sure if you were a multimillionaire it wouldn’t matter your nationality.
I am from Brazil and my partner is Romanian. He never had a relationship before me, only some hook ups but that was his own decision. But having interacted with other Romanians through my partner’s social circle I can tell most Romanian men enjoy having a long term relationship, finding a partner for life. That can be very hard, but coming from S.A. we are very used to romantic relationships occurring naturally.
I’ll share with you something that I see in Brazilian men that always have good relationships, like my brother, and friends. They don’t look for relationships most of the time. They prioritize their hobbies and when they feel like they want a female presence they go to social gatherings like clubs, pubs, or even sport events depending what is it that they enjoy. There they find females that interest them, approach them somehow (use their charm, smile, and be straight forward), take their number, and they move on, wether the girl said yes or no they just keep living their lives, only when their agenda is empty that they will look for the girl (my brother for an example used to have 8 girls in his “list” - this is what his ex gf told me when they used to be together). So I think what Brazilian men do is they make themselves seem more valuable, kinda like real estate, the more people wanting that piece of land the more valuable will be. But they don’t necessarily tell the girls about each other, but Brazilian girls are very nosy so we will know. But the point is, they feel wanted, so this boost their confidence. And my brother only got into long term relationships. All the girlfriends wanted to marry him. Right now he has a gf for more than 10 years and they’re going steady. She was introduced to him by his friends though, but it took him many years to actually make a good circle of friends that could introduce the girl of his life to him. And even so he doesn’t want to marry yet lol.
So my advice is try to make your life more interesting by doing things that you enjoy, when you feel happy you are more confident and attractive, this will help you attract girls that are in sync with you. And be open minded because in europe people are so divisive, obviously people have different cultures but if the attraction is there nothing will get in the way.
Good luck!
I’m somewhat of a Brazilian guy myself
That is, in the way you date? How is that going for you? I really think OP needs some boost of confidence, because it’s impossible that dating is that hard in a country so diverse like the UK… Don’t you think?
#facepalm
Are you in London? Surprised to hear if this is in London
It depends on what you’re looking for, but I would advise against bringing a girl from back home to the UK because you feel like you can’t find someone locally (Eastern European or otherwise) should you decide to stay.
Have seen many scenarios where people were used by a partner that used them as a springboard to acquire residency or citizenship of another country before abandoning them. YMMV but I’ve even seen cases where someone was already in a place they want to be, but they have a lot of difficulty acquiring a more permanent situation themselves so they find a partner who does have that.
There will probably be some prejudices towards you but I suggest focusing on the people who aren’t biased that way instead of the unfairness of the situation.
How do they know that you’re eastern European? How do you know this is based purely on where you’re from and no other reason?
There could be a multitude of reasons why someone struggles in love, and having an echo chamber for a friend group isn’t helping
Things like
- who you’re approaching
- how you’re approaching
- what basis you’re connecting on
- how you treat them
Will all factor in.
It’s always harder to date outside one’s own country/culture. There’s often differences in experiences, views, values, expectations … Food. Don’t underestimate food. What might work at home may not work in the new setting or you manage to connect with someone who appreciates it.
And, there will be some stereotypes and preconceptions that will work against you.
Hobby and interest groups are often a good way to find people you’ll connect with on a more lasting level.
Reflect, understand, adapt and be a good human. No matter how amazing you are, and how perfect you think someone is for you, they have every right to disagree and not like you… Accept that and move on.
How do they know that you’re eastern European?
I mean…for the vast majority of people, the accent is extremely obvious no matter how long they live in the country (unless they moved there as kids and only socialized with locals basically) and also your name is going to give it away instantly - if not the first name, then 100% the last. And that’s more than enough to get rejected by a large number of people.
My girlfriend is Austrian and she has said the exact same thing as you; that Austrian women generally wouldn’t ever consider Eastern European/Balkan/Turkish guys for dating unless they’re in the same ethnic group.
Yeah I’m in a weird position where I’m half German, half Eastern European, though I grew up in Germany. I also lived in the “bad” part of town even though I’m from a family of academics, so I had/have friends from all those different “worlds”. It got extremely noticeable in secondary school, how native Germans - and especially middle class ones from the suburbs & villages - would generally not socialize with anyone outside of “their” bubble, and definitely wouldn’t date them.
Among working class German people in the city it’s can be a bit more relaxed, perhaps just due to proximity and also the shere amount of ‘non-Germans’/mixed kids in schools would make it more difficult to stay completely separate. But the middle class/rural folk mentioned above would probably call them “Assis” and not consider befriending, let alone dating, them either.
It’s a little different in University where it’s generally more diverse and I guess to some middle class ppl it also feels like the people attending are more…“vetted”, to put it bluntly. It’s expected that these are smart and educated people with decent job prospects and more similar interests. So it’s not as rare that a female student from Germany would date a male student from Romania who just moved there to study medicine or something, especially if his family at home are also educated middle class.
My gf has Balkan roots but she’s in the exact same way as those rural folk you mentioned. She came out different because she has an odd background but she has mentioned it’s sorta the same in Austria. It makes sense since Austria and Germany are super similar (in b4 I have someone named Matias or Lukas yell at me that it isn’t the case lol…)
How do they know that you’re eastern European? How do you know this is based purely on where you’re from and no other reason?
If you’ve tried dating as a guy from Eastern Europe in the West, you would very quickly learn that simply your geographical roots make you undesirable. Me and my friends had interactions with women that went fine, until either of us mentioned where we’re from. I mentioned it in the previous comment, but when my friend was out in a bar and chatting up some girl, as soon as she found out he’s from Poland she pretty much immediately got up and left. I had similar experiences myself, everything can be going fine, and as soon as you mentioned where you’re from you simply feel the mood drop and change.
You should have said Romanian from the start. And just that really. There’s a massive prejudice against Romanians in particular in Western Europe in general, so your situation is not very surprising.
Hey, I am not Romanian nor am I in Western Europe. However, I wonder, it seems really out of bounds that you wrote that. Is massive prejudice against Romanians OK?
They pointed out that it could be due to massive prejudice. They are not saying that is ok.
I think your comment is the one out of bounds.
Why is that? Is this because there is a stigma towards Roma people and people associate them with Romanians? Pretty sure that’s a very common misconception among Western Europeans. And people generally don’t know much about the country Romania itself.
Unless you have a thick Slavic accent and walk around in a track suit while squatting on street corners, why would it matter that you’re from Eastern-Europe? How would people even be able to tell? Maybe there are other factors you’re not aware of that make you less appealing or maybe you’re going about finding dates the wrong way. Also like others said a few of your friends having bad luck doesn’t mean anything it could just be anecdotal.
how people are able to tell? with a simple question “where are you from?”
I mean, by his name and the accent?
Unless you have a thick Slavic accent
Yeah that… that’s most expats. They have massive noticable accents. Even people who started learning their second language in school and practiced a decent amount since tend to have accents that will give them away instantly. And if you’re only learning the language as an adult, you can basically forget about trying to be “stealthy” and pass as a local.
My mother from Eastern Europe has lived in Germany for 30 years now. She came over for university, married a German, has only German friends and teaches university classes in German … She still has a noticable accent and gets comments (including really xenophobic ones) from students about it regularly 💀
Who cares about your nationality if you’re not a twat? Just throw an Eastern European toxic masculinity away and you’re good to go. (I’ve never had a problem with dating in the UK being Eastern European)
“dont be a twat”
Immediately insinuate something ridiculous like toxic masculinity.
You are correct to a certain degree.
Don’t go for British women, it’s as simple as that. I’m Greek and lived in the UK for years as well. I’m with a south American woman. Much better, closer cultural values, don’t have to deal with negative perceptions or stereotypes etc, and it’s better to be with someone that understands being from a different culture.
I live in the Netherlands and have a Romanian collegue, in 3 months he found a romanian girlfriend.
My advice would be to find more social circles with Romanian people, I’m sure you will eventually find someone that shares your values in a relationship.
Lol on the gaslighting comments… it’s so obvious that the nationality of OP is handicapping him on his dating prospects in the UK… I would try having a larger net OP with your dating prospects, or dating out of the UK.
I didn’t expect anything else. I think people who post these comments also have nothing against people writing ‘no blacks/asians’ in their Tinder bios.
I thought this only happened on grindr profiles and not on tinder? This would be social suicide to do here in the US if you did that in such an obvious way (still happens a lot on grindr but not on heterosexual dating profiles).
Lol nope, I saw quite a few tinder profiles specifically telling man of my nationality not to swipe right
Lol. Man got to love how hypocritical Anglos can be (same thing happens here in the US but people here are hyper polite and they’ll never say it explicitly but they’ll have the same ideal). I haven’t had this happen to me (I am Mexican-American from California) whenever I have tried British women but I generally don’t find British women attractive so it’s mute. I have seen white American girls explicitly say though they wouldn’t ever get with east or south Asian dudes here in San Francisco.
Had similar experience in Canada. My solution was 1. target immigrants - in my case eastern, southern europeans, latin anericans. 2. Move to southern Europe.
Your passport works against you buddy. Cold world
Romanian passport is actually better than an UK passport. The poster can live and work in the whole EEA, and UK in his case. So having British residency and EU citizenship is much better than having a British passport that allows you to live only in the UK and Ireland.
The Public perception works against him
I’ve actually got both a British (naturalised this year) and a Romanian passport