I feel like I struggle with this in all facets, especially as I love fantasy books and it tends to make me feel more down about my real, mundane life, but I feel like I notice the most impact when it comes to relationships.
This isn’t just my current one, but also great relationships I’ve had in the past that ended amicably. I’m in a great relationship now. He’s loving, caring, attentive, romantic, handsome, hard-working, etc etc. But I feel like every time I read a romance novel (especially one written by a woman), it makes me look at all of my relationships in a new light in my head. No one is freaking perfect and lord knows I’m far from it, but a lot of the male love interests I’ve read about in novels are portrayed to perfection with the perfect amount of emotional intelligence that just no real person has.
I don’t know. I love my current relationship and I’m very serious about it, but I don’t love how romance books always ignites this insanely unachievable hopelessly romantic side of me. Do I just have to stop reading completely lol? Is anyone else like this? What can I do?
This is a beautiful explanation and so spot on. I think you’re completely right.
I think it’s for the same reason that I like getting immersed in a new fantasy book. It’s so exciting and new, and a new relationship in a book with all of the crazy passion and butterflies does the same thing. I have found myself wondering on occasion why I don’t even feel that same spark (in past relationships too), but it’s because I’ve been with my partner for so long that of course we don’t feel that same crazy passion that we did in the beginning, that’s normal.
At the end of the day, I know I’d choose my partner over anyone else every day. He tries so hard and is my best friend, which makes me feel so much more guilty about feeling this way at all. But thank you so much for providing this explanation, it makes total sense.
Yeah, I think understanding brain chemistry helps. We have a certain emotional and sexual response to novelty. The “spark” doesn’t feel the same after, in my case, 13 years together and that’s not a sign that something’s wrong, that’s just our brains functioning the way brains function.