Hi everyone, I’m a french man of 31 years old going through a pretty intense depression after spending much of my 20s on the road. I am now in australia in a beautiful coastal town where life is sweet and people are incredibly nice. Thing is: I have been awfully depressed for the last year. I’ve seen most of my friends settling down, establishing themselves in France or australia long term through intense efforts to obtain their permanent residency getting married etc. I always saw myself living abroad, but never made so much effort to settle down anywhere. I’ve only worked in hospitality in the various countries I visited after obtaining my master’s degree in business (which I feel now is what people do when they don’t know what to do for a living). I consider myself open minded, speak three languages fluently, but I always had trouble with anxiety and self confidence. Now that I feel my travel life to be over, I am wondering what to do next. I feel like moving back home with my parents and look for a job somewhere in Barcelona or Toulouse where my family is. But I’m afraid my resume will make me unemployable anywhere. I’m also scared about my financial situation and my capacity to readapt to Europe after living in countries where life was so much easier. I feel like I just need a bit of shared experiences or encouragement. Anyway, it’s good to let it out.
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To be honest, just do it. Move and plan the next steps one day at a time. Fear actually holds back what you actually desire and deserve!
I lived abroad for a few years and when i would return home nobody gave a fuck. Nobody wanted to hear my travel stories and it seemed everyone just moved on. I returned abroad and settled in one place. I stopped leaving that city every weekend for trips. Instead I just hung out at the same bar every weekend and eventually met people. I even got a job and started hanging out with coworkers. I also got off social media and quit checking out what my friends and family were doing back home. I realized that I felt depressed when I checked.
It’s completely normal to feel this way. You will also have those things it just takes time. I believe one finds a place they feel comfortable and you settle there. One you plant roots everything falls into place. I wish you well.
Comparing yourself to others is the path to depression. Social media amplifies depression.
Compare yourself to yourself and see how far you’ve come!
Also life is long and you can do anything, or at least anything you invest your time and energy into.
Everybody has anxiety, everybody has self confidence issues. Think about what you are, and don’t focus on what you are not!
Too old for TikTok but I definitely felt better after getting rid of Instagram and Facebook.
Reddit and signal for my close friends and family serves me much better.
I do lurk on a few YouTube channels for entertainment but even that’s getting a bit annoying, especially the YouTube Shorts, which is basically TikTok 2.0
Nobody wanted to hear my travel stories
You must be from the Southeast or Midwest in the US. If so, I feel ya.
I feel you brother. Similar age and also came to Australia as a backpacker originally.
Studied a similar degree back home as well and I think it’s normal to have such feelings about it. Our generation were more or less encouraged to get ANY degree, even if it wasn’t necessary to enter a particular field.
How you feel about people back home and family moving on is also completely normal. It’s just one of the trade offs for going travelling and seeing the world unfortunately.
How did you go with getting your PR here. Any luck?
I’ve worked in this late night music venue/pub for a couple years but never got full time hours, and getting tired of late night hospitality tbh. I feel really demotivated and it shows. So work another 2 or 3 years to (maybe) get PR seem not just far fetched but unwanted. What about you?
Man i do get it. That field of work has a time limit I feel. Eventually you have to move on or you get burned out.
What visa were you even on all this time?
I’ve had a right roller coaster of a journey.
Came to Australia back in 2016 and did the usual backpacking route, over to New Zealand, South East Asia etc.
I ended up going back to Sydney on a working holiday visa, starting out sleeping with my suitcase in this basement hostel room.
Eventually found an advertising company to sponsor me but the government at the time were much more anti immigration and abolished most of the easier option, so it was strictly “temporary” for 4 years, with no pathway to PR.
I spend quite a lot on various immigration agents to explore potential ways round it but it was too risky and they were trying to charge me well over $12,000, with no guarantee it would work.
Then covid hit, complicating things further. I moved down to Melbourne for a while to try and reduce my living costs (whilst working remotely for the same company)
Then moved to a smaller town in Victoria as a last ditch effort to secure a regional visa (494) that would allow me to stay in the country before my current one expired.
Moved there and literally, one month before it was due to expire, the new labour government got in and changed a bunch of rules…meaning I was suddenly able to apply for PR.
It was honestly so much bullshit and sacrifice. Over 6 years of constantly moving around and worrying about losing my job and being kicked out, all for them to turn round and change their mind at the last minute.
So now I’m here, finally free of visa worries and will most likely apply for citizenship but was it worth the mental distress? Probably not.
I still have those same conflicted feeling as you, wanting to return home to family and old friends but I know it wouldn’t be the same as before.
I mean fuck I left when I was just 24. So much has changed since then and the majority of my former social group has moved on and have families.
Interesting that you still feel it after getting your PR. I think if I had it I’ll make money in Oz and spend most of the rest of the time in Europe. I’ve got about a year and a half of visas back to back. I could really try to move around and find a sponsor (I feel like I need to get out of my town) for the next six months, but with no luck it could be time to go home. I’d still have another year of whv to use in the next 4 years worst come the worst… tricky!
Hello, Im french man too. I came back to France at 26 after many years abroad, with a master degree in the pocket but not the most appealing resume. I sort of went “back in to the line”, getting a well paying job in consulting in Paris. One year later, I have money, work exp in my field and I have “caught up” on my peers. Yet, I was more happy during my years abroad when I was earning less haha. Beware the French work culture, sure we have lots of holidays but the hours can be fricking long and the management top/down, borderline toxic.
Honestly I don’t really have any advice, I am myself a bit lost too. The one thing I am sure of is that you need some goals. Since I became goal-oriented, I don’t show any sign of anxiety/depression.
Dms are open if you need to talk. Good luck!
Im Japanese who used to live in Australia for 4 years and now in France. I regret that I didn’t make more effort to stay in Australia… I miss the positivity there. Also the income. Haha
I’d definitely not compare with others. This is the thing I learnt the hardest. How long will you survive comparing? Now the comparison is between you and friends, next in line is your richest friend, then the mayor, then the governor and then the president and then? Umm, Elon Musk, and ?
You see it doesn’t end anywhere. Nor will you climb this ladder and make it happy(it will in fact make you depressed because these are not “your” goals). Live your life to the fullest my friend. Not someone’s.
I was more or less on the same boat as you are, but now I decided to get my sh1t together in Portugal and settle here (I’m not even European, Im latina), it’s harder at first, but at some point it’s understandable that you wanna settle down. I can only tell you that for what you’re saying about your experience, you would be highly appreciated in hospitality in Europe, especially in Barcelona that it is so international. Also, if you’re up for it, do therapy. Don’t take all this burden by yourself, get yourself a professional to help you deal with depression, as it is a sensitive matter.
Thank you! I’ve been seeing therapist but I feel like they mostly tell me stuff I already know haha. Maybe I haven’t found the right one. Also I’m hearing more and more about Portugal. It does seem like a great place! What do you do over there?
I dmed you :)
31/Female here.Never been married. No kids. No plans either. Yes- pressure is there. But I just ignore it.
Reaching the age of 30 or (being in your 30s) does not inherently entail the necessity of either matrimony or parenthood. Yes it’s normal to be aware and see it as “ it’s there” but my me me me approach is way more important than “settling”. Just because I’m not getting any younger. I’m too adamant to change my ways and too selfish to share LOL
Bro you might wanna post it on digital nomad subs you’re probably gonna get a better answer. Here mostly expats. Most of us here either we get a job and move or our job told us to move to another country temporarily. You’re a backpacker, it’s closer as being a digital nomad so they might be able to help you out better. Good luck.
Just a suggestion, you can come to Poland!! There are tons of job opportunities for French speakers in decent international companies. I myself speak French and I could find a job so easily that allowed me to settle down with my partner and even buy a flat.
You’re young and you can start and build the life that you want. Courage mon frère
Everything is hard when you are feeling depressed. See your GP. Maybe try meds. Work-wise; What part of your business degree did you find interesting? If you have the resources, can you try and find an internship in Oz that is related to this, to see if it feels different if you are involved in a ‘real job’ setting? You could try the same for a few months in Toulouse if you can stay there for free-ish. Dip your toes back in without fully committing and building some confidence. Or just apply for a job in business and give it a go. You can always leave if it doesn’t suit, but you will have more data to base your decision on. My thoughts are you can always go back to France but once you leave Oz it may be more difficult to come back, if you leave it longer than a few years (no more whv after 35) Good luck.
Hey there,
Sorry to hear you are depressed im also depressed for the same reasons but as a returned expat to Australia. I think what you are feeling is completely normal and it appears your values have changed. Maybe talking to a therapist and doing some values exercises could help set a new direction for you. I will implore though that as someone who spent 5 years living over in the UK and Netherlands returning home to Australia wasnt everything i hoped for and now i cant go back to Europe. Id suggest returning to France for a visit and really assessing if it will indeed give you what you are searching because the doors to Australia will close. If you go home for a visit it might help you to feel a bit connected again and make things clearer for you. As for worrying about a job you have a Masters degree and plenty of experience you are totally employable. You can look for a business internship back in France whilst working in hospitality, start a coffee van the options are endless. It wont be easy but it will be different and allow you to re establish yourself in line with your values. Have some faith things will work out.
Feel you! I moved back to the states a few years ago and it has been really difficult.
Adapting to the culture after over a decade away in my late 30s, buying everything and never having money for much, trying and failing to change careers and winding up with a crap job, the car culture that I can’t afford, trying to mend broken relationships that have drifted away from me as people have settled, feeling like an alien because there’s a ton of normal stuff I don’t understand, and withering away because my once vibrant social life has all but disappeared has left me in a huge funk.
However, it had to be done because travel had run its course for me as it does for many people in their 30s, and even though I’m not sure about this life, or continuing life on the road again, I know that I’m ready for the next phase, but I don’t exactly know what that is and that seems to be your problem too. So, I’d say do some soul searching and see if you really want to move home and decide if it’s something you feel like you should do, or if it’s something that you really want to do because you’re ready to tough it until the boring life (and trust me it’s really boring) becomes something rewarding.
Anyhow, hand in there bro! There are a million paths for everyone, and I think you, and I have to find one to take to find the rewards that travel used to give us again.
Start a career in Bahamas or some other exotic place. Going back to France and had to do a job 8-17 will crush your soul. After being so free getting in a cage is problematic. You can always find a local lass, which I bet, will make you happier than any European gal. That’s my two cents.
Go back home mate, grow up and make something out of yourself. You have lived a fabulous life on the road for 10 years, now go back home and make something out of urself. No need to be depressed, u already have had a much more interesting life then most people who just stay in one place most of their life. So go back home, get to work and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Look back and smile and look ahead and be brave. Good luck sir.