Thank you this genuinely gives me some hope. i think i’ve been so focused on getting my old self back that i forgot i can rediscover myself in a new way too. i’ll try taking small steps and finding joy in little things again. hopefully, someday this won’t hurt as much.

yeah, i’ve dm’d you. we can talk there.

Thank you, honestly. it means a lot that you’re willing to listen without judging me. i’m still trying to figure things out and find myself again, but having someone remind me that i’ll be okay someday really helps.

You r a fool lol dont ever try to reply under my post

Your whole reply felt unclear and messy.

Also I’m using Lemmy for the first time. I used Reddit before, but my account got banned because I used the word sex so I can’t use that account anymore. That’s why I’m being cautious this time. Also, decency matters sometimes lol…

And honestly, your whole reply felt like you were blaming me for a pathetic jerk’s actions, as if I were the one who pleaded with him to stay and had so many red flags…

He cheated on me, and I was the one who got hurt. I know I became anxious and begged him to stay, but that doesn’t make me responsible for his decision to cheat. Every time he broke up with me, he came back promising that he loved me even more and that his feelings were getting stronger. I believed him and kept giving him chances, only for the same cycle to repeat. You can point out my mistakes, but please don’t ignore what he did to me. And about the word sex, this platform may have rules like other apps, so I chose to write it that way. Otherwise, I’m open to discussing anything. Why would I be afraid or ashamed of the word? I was simply being cautious. I can acknowledge that I became emotionally dependent and struggled with trust, but that doesn’t mean I deserved to be cheated on or that everything was my fault. I was trying to save a relationship with someone I genuinely loved. I wasn’t perfect, but I wasn’t wrong for expecting loyalty, honesty, and consistency from my partner.

You’re absolutely right. Thank you so much for taking the time to explain all this to me. I think I became so attached to him that I kept ignoring the unhealthy patterns and holding on to his promises. I really need to stop focusing on what he’s doing and start focusing on myself. Your words have given me a lot to think about, and I hope I can heal, rebuild my self esteem, and learn to recognize healthy love before getting into another relationship. Thank you for sharing your experience with me❤️

Thank you so much for your kind words❤️ I was literally starting to believe that losing him was the biggest regret of my life because I thought he was the one and that everything was my fault. I’ve been blaming myself so much, wondering if things would have worked out if I’d done things differently. But reading your comment made me feel a little better and reminded me that there’s still so much life ahead of me. I genuinely needed to hear this today. Thank you for giving me a little hope when I was feeling so lost… I hope you always stay happy:)

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response. ❤️ Your words genuinely mean a lot to me, especially the part about not letting one person dictate how I see myself. I think I’ve started measuring my worth through his actions, and that’s something I really need to work on. The dishonesty hurt me deeply because I trusted him and genuinely believed in the future he promised me.

I don’t have many people to turn to right now, so reading kind words like yours helps more than you might realise. I’ll definitely look into the book you mentioned. My exams are approaching, and I really want to get my focus back and slowly rebuild myself. Thank you for reminding me that I deserve to see myself with the same kindness that others might see in me.

22F

Thank you for being honest with me and sharing your perspective. I understand that you don’t know the whole story, and I appreciate you trying to help me see things differently. I know it’s possible to care about someone and still be incompatible, and I can accept that we both made mistakes. I think what hurts me most is the cheating and how suddenly his words changed. I keep wondering how someone who was talking about fighting for our future minutes earlier could turn around and treat me that way. I’m trying to understand things without blaming myself for everything, and your replies have genuinely helped me reflect on that.

But if he felt guilty about not wanting to continue, why did he repeatedly leave me crying, begging him to stay, and unable to sleep? He was the one who told me I was his choice and that he could change his choice. Just minutes before I caught him cheating, he was talking about fighting for us, but after I confronted him, he smirked and told me to leave because now I had a valid reason to break up with him. He even said I was the reason for everything and that I was no longer his priority. Then, just 14 days after our breakup, he sent a gift to a girl he had a crush on a year ago on her birthday…lol i was a fool in love ignoring all those red flags…

Yes you’re right. I think deep down, I have this feeling that he didn’t love me as much as I loved him. If he truly loved me, I keep wondering why he repeatedly threatened to leave me and left me crying all those nights, begging him to stay and unable to sleep. And why would he cheat and sext other girls while being in a relationship with me? I know I’ll never fully understand what was going on in his mind, but it’s so hard to accept that someone I loved so deeply could make those choices.

Thank you for explaining this to me. I’ll definitely read about these terms and try to understand the patterns better. I just want to stop blaming myself for everything and heal…

Yes, I understand what you mean, but some people are saying we had an anxious avoidant attachment dynamic. I was anxious and emotionally dependent, while he needed space and became distant. He did care for me in some ways, and when I begged him to stay, he sometimes did, which makes me wonder if he genuinely loved me or stayed because he felt guilty. I’m honestly confused about how much of this was our unhealthy dynamic and how much was his own choices.But why did he cheat on me if he truly loved me? I cried on his shoulder and begged him to stay on our last day together, even after discovering his betrayal.

Yes He even said things like my girlfriend is innocent and cute, but lately I haven’t been feeling that much love for her. I feel more like her counsellor whenever she’s sad because she’s an emotional person. And meanwhile, he was talking about how he bought premium on a dating app and how to talk to other girls.

I loved him so much. I stayed awake when he was sick, cried when he was sad, and shared all his pain. But he eventually said we were incompatible and left me. Now I keep wondering if our breakup was my fault. If I had been less emotionally dependent and given him more space, would he have stayed and been faithful, or am I just blaming myself for his choices?

What do you think…thanks for recommending the book! I’ll definitely give it a read.

Was our breakup my fault? If I had been less emotionally dependent and given him more space, would he have stayed and been faithful. One more personal thing after I caught him cheating, I begged him to stay and offered to be intimate with him for the first time. He initially said no, but later agreed. We were intimate for two days, and after he went back to his city, he told me he hadn’t actually wanted to but had done it because he didn’t want me to feel bad about him leaving just for … He also said he didn’t really enjoy it, and that hurt me a lot.

The truth is, he wasn’t the one who finally ended things. I was so depressed by the repeated threats of him leaving that I eventually told my family what was happening. I had been pleading with him to stay, and he kept coming back, making promises and giving me hope. But after discovering what he had been doing, I finally decided to end the relationship. He blamed my trust issues and emotional dependency, but his repeated breakup threats had also contributed to my fear of losing him. It’s been 33 days of no contact, and I still love him and keep wondering why I wasn’t enough when I was genuinely loyal to him

Yrs u r right…Thank you for taking the time to explain things to me and listen to my story