Yes, twice, in my early twenties. I was single and it was something I wanted to try. I had money I did not need to live and could put towards futile things. And both times were complete disasters.

The first was out of the spur of the moment. The escort was an older woman, cold, distant and sincerely rude. It felt obviously mechanical and detached. I barely managed to get erect and did not finish. It was paid disappointment.

The second time, I took the time and patience to call some escorts and check if the posture was more in tune with what I was looking for. I eventually found a person within my age range, that at least seemed nice and welcoming. I made an appointment and went. I got a nice shower, followed by a massage, but again something felt off.

When I looked into that woman’s eyes, which I still had not touched, I felt horrible about myself. An abuser. I apologized, got dressed and excused myself. What it has remained with me up until this day was a passing comment from her that I was “not bad at all”, as I got undressed. I’m plain, unremarkable. I can’t imagine the men she had already catered to.