fuck I’m not in the right headspace when I’m asking this, unresolved trauma. Now I’m repeating in my head “love them more than my mental illnesses”.
I wanted to warn an organization i cared about my past and that manipulation comes naturally to me to the point where I don’t notice after the fact. I legit want see them succeeded and stand in blind solidarity.
I have reached out someone in the organization about my issues. I’m hoping they respond.
No one is perfect. You are not alone or uniquely problematic in struggling with certain behaviors you don’t like about yourself. We don’t generally need to publicize our flaws up front. Rather than just telling them you are X negative trait, I think asking for specific safeguards that can help would be appropriate. Like, let’s say you often lie to get out of aspects of work you don’t like- be upfront with your limits on what you are able to tolerate and where you may not be able to.
if i can get it right sounds like this is a way to broach the subject. my reaction is that i can tolerate a lot, generally I can manipute people without lying and my simply moving erratically, talking about all the acts of charity I do. i do meal shares, i go to city council meeting out of blind faith in class solidarity, and I contribute to the members of the organization without asking anything in return. i can make myself look super freaking awesome and rub it in peoples face. also i set up all those things as trap for anyone that wants to attack me to get utterly humiliated.
best way for me to articulate that in my state