This may or may not be inspired by the nebula original abolish everything, a show I have not watched.
The need to pee at night.
Pouring cereal before the milk.
Money. It’s just a mechanism of control because those with the power to share never learned to do so. They’re the kids at the playground hogging the swing set while everyone else is getting wood chips kicked in their face. Humanity in a nutshell.
Maybe not humorous, but I hope it paints a picture.
Motion-sensing faucets in public bathrooms. I feel like there is somebody behind the mirror trolling me every time.
Dihydrogen monoxide.
Literally kills thousands of people a year.
The colour red so that way whenever somebody goes to “Red Lobster” all they see is “Lobster” on the sign.
Pineapple. Not just on pizza (although that is an abomination), but all pineapple in food or drinks. It’s weird and slimy and its taste taints everything it touches. Plus fresh pineapple is trying to digest you while you eat it. Just a horrible fruit all around.
I will not be swayed by counter arguments.
You, sir or madam, are an abomination and should be abolished.
Pineapple is only slimy when inappropriately treated. For pizza you need to cut into small chunks, drain over a sink for a minute, and then quick fry in a pan to give a little caramelization. THEN put on pizza and bake. It is magic, paired with Canadian bacon, salty, sweet. Yum
Best breakfast burrito: the Hawaiian. Ham, potatoes, pineapple, eggs, sour cream. In fact, you have inspired me, with your hateful statements this morning, and I’ll be putting and order in shortly.
This is me with mango. Disgusting ass food that’s related to poison ivy. No thanks!
Okay, humorously…
Eating pizza with a fork. If you’re afraid of hot grease burning a trail down your arm, you don’t deserve to enjoy good pizza.
Reasonable exceptions for children and the disabled can be made.
But if you put ranch on it you should be thrown in Guantanamo Bay.
I would abolish banana peels. They cause far too many injuries and I think doing away entirely could calm everyone, especially those in banana-rich areas where peels are most common.
Just the peel? That is going to make every other part of acquiring and eating a banana really weird.
He ain’t got a peel on his ‘nanner!
Everyone here being so serious.
Children in breweries. Fine, fine at least keeping the sanctity of 21 and over areas of breweries. When did breweries become a family affair? How come every place has to become a family friendly place, why can’t we have just a few adults only places?
No matter what I get some child screaming while I’m trying to enjoy a beer. And every parent will say “well where are they supposed to go” and my answer is always “literally anywhere else”. Everywhere is okay with kids. And then others will say “well mine are great” which I would say I don’t care, but other parents don’t care and ruin it for the rest. So if I got to abolish anything, it’s be kids in breweries.
Yes! I do not understand children in breweries. It seems like irresponsible parenting to me. Taking your kid with you to a place not meant for them, while you drink, and then getting into your car and driving your kid home after?
Just go have a beer at home ffs, and don’t subject me to your kid running around like a… Kid.
No matter what I get some child screaming while I’m trying to enjoy a beer.
At a brewery? What? Why?
First, I’ll abolish your milk
Then, I shall abolish your VIRGINITYBillionaires.
Also, the propagation of the idea that you are poor because of the actions of even poorer people.
News outlets taking quotes from company PR/employees and including them alongside facts about reality. “Company x does something horrible, here is the data. Meanwhile, the CEO says it’s inaccurate because bs reasonexcuse.”. So much of corporate media is this, we’ve nearly lost the expectation a news outlet have any sense of responsibility outside of an easy quote from the paid company representative. Every single employee quote should come with footer “but of course this person does pay their mortgage based on saying whatever the companies needs it to to continue doing what benefits it the most so this is idiotically biased”.
I want to abolish door knobs. They account for a thousand injuries in the world every few months. They must go.
(For the sake of the question since the question is over everyone’s head in the section)
