Hey guys. I’m 25F. I was raised in the Middle East, Dubai/Bahrain and have had a fabulous life there. I moved to italy a couple of years ago and loved it way more than I liked the Middle East. It started to feel like home there. I’m a national of a horrible weak country so I don’t have the option to just pack my bags up and move.
My husband is American so I moved to America about 4 days ago but am finding it extremely hard to adjust. I’ve travelled here before but have not loved it as much so moving here permanently has been extremely challenging. I keep crying everyday no matter what I do, I’m struggling to adapt and fit in.
Any advice to overcome this?
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4 whole days? Yeah, that’s long enough. If you haven’t adapted after 4 days, you never will.
You haven’t even had time to unpack, give it some real time before dissing it
I wasn’t dissing America lmao. It’s not easy to just pack up your whole life and move to another country. Even if it was my decision to do so, it still is hard for some people to adjust and adapt and I’m sorry that I’m of those people that is struggling even though it’s just been 4 days.
I come from a country where a lot of younger people immigrate abroad and most of my friends and family have always said that it takes around 2 years to really get used to a place and for the sadness to pass. Maybe find a local group of new immigrants to talk to? Or sign up for some classes so that you can interact with others and adjust? Take your time, you just got to the US be kind to yourself and give yourself time to adjust.
It’s normal. Relax. Take a breath. Close your eyes for a min and take deep breaths in your nose out your mouth.
I am an American expat, spent 15 years as one. Married my wife (Pakistani who grew up and became a doctor in Malaysia). She too married me understanding that I would be moving her around. The very first move from Malaysia to Indonesia she didn’t want to go. After I pushed her into things she likes (gyms and outdoor activities) she made friends and ended up loving Indo. Then we moved to the USA. She really didn’t want to go. This time I pushed her into chasing people who run as she has become a very fast runner. Now she doesn’t want to leave as we pick up to go back to Malaysia.
Think of the USA as the land with everything. It has beaches, deserts, mountains, snow, glaciers, and dunes, islands…. You want it, it has it. Want something tomorrow, order on Amazon. Everything is easy here
As for calling home. My wife talks to her doctor brother in Australia about 4x a week. He works emergency and has two kids, but they find time to talk. She also talks to her mom every day who lives in Islamabad. They make time and it works, you will have to do the same. It’s about your effort and deciding what’s important.
So give yourself time. It will be fine. If you truly want to communicate with family make time. If you truly want to enjoy the world, go find what you like to do in USA and do it. Sitting at home being depressed will only make you more depressed. It takes a step to get out there and do it. Looking at your old posts I see nothing about asking where you can find things to do that you love. Start chasing what you like, surround yourself with it.
I’m not yet an expat (will be in the beginning of the year), and never moved to such a different country than my own. But I just wanted to let you know one thing: I moved into a new house two months ago in my own country, to a different area (where we didn’t know anyone) in the countryside, half an hour from our kids schools. It took me/it’s still taking a while to adjust and get used to this new place. And we moved 30km, in my own country. I cried a bit in the beginning thinking that we had been through all this effort (renovation works and leaving a great place we loved) and I wasn’t enjoying it after all.
Give yourself grace and time.
4 days is jet lag in the mix. Things like change take a long time sometimes. Remember that for something new like a habit to sink in we need to do it for 21 days straight. Allow yourself time. It’s ok to cry and not feel it right, just yet.
Hi
I have read your slight worry about living in USA … well why don’t you propose to your husband to move out of you both to Australia …
Australia is much of a global base living where many people are heading to this country …
It might be better for your life
It’s been 4 days, write us in a year and if it’s still the same then maybe make changes?
It’s all in your head man, things will clear up for you in time. I know it’s kinda vague advice, but it’s just cliche and true. I felt your way and 3 years later I don’t even like going back to my home country.
4 day is shorter then a long weekend. Give some yourself
You left Italy for the US ?
You must really love your partner, because nothing on this earth could get me out of Italy.
It’s paradise over here, the language, the people, the food, the nature, the beaches, the climate.
If you have a good paying job over here, life is way better than in the US.
Man … love makes people do some questionable stuff.
You moved to the US and are depressed? Sounds like your adjustment is working just fine. :(
are you depressed because you moved to the us or depressed in general?
depressed because I’m here. I’m really close to my family so not being able to talk, be in the same timezone, just the culture here is messing me up
I don’t blame you. The America I grew up in the eighties is no longer that country. It was a great place and now it’s gone. Not sure what to do about it. I moved out and travel full time.
Just came to say its perfectly normal and even a natural response to feel depressed being in the US. There are millions of people there who feel the same way having been born and raised there and are miserable despite some of the advantages. Big pharma, mass media, professional sports, and the alcohol industry make record profits year after year to convince people otherwise. Just try to do your best to cope, try to find joy in the little, simple things as best you can. Maybe try to find things that interest you around food, art, nature, music, education, etc that you can easily plan to visit or immerse yourself in.
US is multicultural. Try to find groups/people that ‘dig’ you. Your culture/background or just general easy going will help. Do not expect too much home feeling, it could take years, unless you have a community close to your values (source: living in a strange country).