Why I think he is emotionally abusive:
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He doesn’t translate everything as he should and only translates in a manner that suits his situation and needs.
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Omits essential information all the time.
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Right before the wedding he decides to break up because she confided in her parents. But it’s okay when he does the same and turns everyone against her. Who runs to their mommy after there’s been a fight with a partner and talks shit about them to their entire family?
4.He always has to have the upper hand: Threatens to leave Kimberly or asks her to leave in every fight, Whenever he is asked to make a compromise - “Am I your servant?” “I’m not your servant” wth does that even mean?
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In effect he has entirely isolated her from his family and is trying to isolate her from her own family too.
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Straight up lied about the family situation and “wifely duties”.
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No safe space for Kimberly to go to, no one to confide in
Controlling someone in that manner and stripping away their identity bit by bit is absolutely not okay. I say this not because Kimberly is expected to make compromises, but because she is being expected to keep quiet about things that bother her and change the way she thinks. The situation is classic 101 guide in how to break someone’s spirit and make them complacent.
And people are wondering why she screamed like a banshee. If someone was making me question my own sanity and dismissed my feelings when I know they’re valid, I’d scream too.
I’m astounded the tarot cards didn’t tell her this before the wedding
Or the spirit guides! 😂😂😂
TJ ommitted information about what her role was going to be…ommitting information is equal to lying. What did he think was going happen when she was informed she was going to be a slave to his family. She did the right thing to get her ass out of there. Cow dung and cow piss would be the last straw for me to hightail it outta there. It’s all too much. Such a festive wedding, then found out the horrible tasks she was expected to do for years…it was just too much for western raised gal.
Absolutely she was completely full and with a lavish wedding for three days and three nights. Do you feel like a princess and then become a house leave for the rest your life who needs that maybe that’s why the brothers not married I can’t believe that any woman would be tricked into the bullshit and not run away
Yes, I agree. What a horrible future…expecting to wait on the family for years…nope, nope, nope. Maybe an Indian woman who knows the culture might…but not for a western raised gal. Oh, hell, no.
That’s why the weddings are like this for centuries! I wish people would see that.
They do all these glitz n glamour wow so beautiful, look all the clothes, the henna, its so fun so many celebrations. And then the real story comes out. Your trapped in that life forever cooking, cleaning, being a slave, being lied to, husband can either be nice or he can be a living hell. Pray that you have a nice one.
That’s why its easy for them to get a western girl than say, a indian girl who wants nothing of that life cuz they see the mom going through it. Westerns just think oooh wow its like a queen for my wedding!!!
i think he’s a genuine shitty person. he’s a liar and when he’s confronted with that he starts denying denying denying.
What do TJ, Rishi and Sumit have in common? 1: 90 day fiancee 2: country of origin 3: telling big fat whopping lies/omissions that caused their partners to make a choice they likely wouldn’t have
There are over a billion people, so generalizing based on 3 is fair? India is a huge country with many cultural variations.
Granted, I don’t think it fair generalize all Indian men based on this show. These men are still operating within the parameters of a scripted reality television show. Production is going to target those who are a basket of crazy.
The men from Egypt seem to do the same thing
As well as Lebonan
Yeah I don’t think it’s fair to generalize an entire group of men based off of 3.
There are plenty of American liars, and liars in other countries. I wouldn’t readily assume that those 3 are perfect examples of all or even most Indian men.
No I don’t assume ALL Indian men share the same lying gene as these three. The country has over a billion people, half give or take men. Any shared trait between all of them would be statistically impossible.
My point is that these three follow the exact same pattern with the lie. There are lots if other countries with multiple cast members from the same country. The Philippines, Brazil, Columbia and Tunisia are fairly well represented. I can’t think of a single issue that runs through all of the couple. I’m curious about the situation.
Dominicans don’t look too hot either.
Having worked for a software company owned by an Indian and staffed about 30% Indian, I can tell you that it is the caste system in India that creates these personalities. They will immediately try and take a superior attitude and wave their fucking hand in front of your face telling you you’re wrong. It gets old very fast for someone not used to that. I cannot see that marriage lasting.
I’m Indian born and grown up in Canada, my parents are immigrants. My mom always told me we kids from North America are very honest and forthright whereas Indian kids lie and deceive a lot. I didn’t believe it as all the Indians from India that I met were so kind, polite, humble, etc but after a bad experience with my cousin (mentioned in another comment) now I know my mom was right.
Well it does seem that Indian women are brainwashed to believe that it will always be the woman’s fault if Indian men lied to their partner. It’s the foreign woman’s fault and she should have done her research. It was Jenny’s fault for ruining Sumit’s secret wife’s life because she didn’t Google if Some meet was married. I wonder if Google will explain that every man in India lies and if you find yourself willing to marry one, they will hide all his wives and concubines. And will Google explain you’ll be a slave to his parents. After all, he’s too good to wipe anyone’s ass!!
When a country has ver rigid social rules that affect not only an individual but the entire family one has strong inclination to prevaricate.
I’m from the UK and my parents are Pakistani immigrants. My mum says the EXACT same thing. That British kids are ‘dumb’ in comparison that the people back home are very shrewd and cunning.
Oh please. There are people of every gender from every country and every culture that tell lies outright or by omission to get or keep partners.
I hope she gets out of there.
She did 👍🏽
Really? How do you know?
She reminds me of Statler
Now that you mentioned it, I can see it.
She is an unhappy, ungrateful person. She will never be happy. Toxic is her middle name.
She was visibly and consistently happy during the wedding.
Very respectful of his family during the wedding.
And quite peaceful after that when addressing TJ’s constant constant constant lying.
Staging those previous outbursts in a very staged show seems very much possible to me. 🤔🤔😮💨
That doesn’t really make him any less abusive though.
Kim is not the queen she believes she is. She lived with him a year previously. To not know a word of their language, kitchen traditions and cooking, shopping, customs, etc is amazing. To not have supervised the remodeling of their apartment in that year’s time is shocking! She didn’t start a business. Didn’t tell her own future? A whole year of what–sitting and screaming? I believe her stepmother realizes she an adult sized spoiled brat! She owns this situation–not TJ and his family. She blames the others for not taking the time to fully explain the wedding events–yea, like they are doing all the work and expense, and you are still doing nothing but complaining. Why didn’t she do some research? Poor TJ!
Yet everyone blames TJ and claims he’s abusive 🙄
This is one of the first posts I’ve seen not blaming Kim so I don’t know what you’re on about.
She did not live with him for that year, unless he lived in the separate apartment she had while she was a university student, which I doubt since he’s supposedly so religious that he couldn’t sleep in bed with her in his family’s house until they were married. And he pretended to be more “western”, lying to her when she asked him about being expected to be a traditional conservative wife.
She can’t start a business there because she’s not eligible to work there yet.
Her father and stepmother both thought she was being treated badly, her stepmother even said it during one of the pre-wedding ceremonies and her dad wanted her to postpone the wedding and go back with them to the US.
She did help plan the apartment in detail and picked out materials while she was there, by constructing started AFTER she was came back in the US when her student visa expired and she had to get a different visa to return to India and get married.
TJ and his family are trash.
I also thought it was shitty that he got his mom to lay down the post-marital duties (after omitting this very information pre-wedding)
I believe the long-awaited “scream” is on tonight’s episode!
Not just omitting- outright lying, which he admitted to doing. She asked him his expectations and he lied about them.
The Other Way is on tomorrow night.
I wouldn’t call what TJ is doing abuse. You can tell he genuinely wants Kim there and is trying to act as a buffer between her and his family. I think the lack of proper translation to keep her from exploding. He didn’t give her enough information going in but I really think in his mind he’s trying not to overwhelm her. No matter what the dude does he’s gonna lose. Kimberly has the emotional maturity of a 6 year old and is ungrateful/judgemental by nature.
If you picture yourself as Kim (staged tantrums aside), I think it’s abusive.
Except…
…why she didn’t realize he was gonna transition her into a housewife? His lies of omission a part of his character at this point.
I think they genuinely like each other off camera. And sometimes on camera. But I don’t think that’s enough to justify how he manipulated their shituation.
He is 100% abusive. Sure he wants here there, so do most abusers. He expects her to cater to his needs, he belittles and invalidates her emotional experiences, he treats her like an object and has a clear attitude of authority around her, he lies and keeps her in the dark, and he gaslights her when she asks questions or figures things out. She is constantly invalidated, has no authority and is treated inferior, and she is being lied to and manipulated by her partner. This makes her feel crazy and overhelmed, and she screams. So what. She should be screaming and she needs to leave. Women in male dominated culture being treated like slaves with no rights of their own got slapped with the ‘female hysteria’ label for years.
Personally, I think most the issues from TJ boil down to cultural differences. When it comes to Kim, I think she has severe mental health issues.
She should not be screaming. She is an adult and is responsible for her actions .
Notice how nothing in your paragraph there mentioned having any respect for her or caring about what she wanted
Again, I think that’s cultural. It seems to be an incredibly patriarchal society. We’re looking at him through an American lens.
Why does that make it okay? Many things about different cultures are beautiful. But misogyny is not one of them and culture doesn’t excuse it.
I don’t think at any point I said it was ok, I said it was different. Too different to make a relationship work.
You said it’s not abusive for him to lie to her, patronize her, and then expect her to be the family servant for the rest of her life.
I’m so annoyed by how often the term “abusive” is thrown around on Reddit.
Like are you all perfect communicators with your partners and never get triggered or fight poorly?
TJ has his issue and so does his partner. Hopefully they will figure them out and get better at being partners to each other. I think they do love each other but both has serious communication problems and seem to get triggered extremely easily. Kimberly is the louder one so people have focused on her, but he is also problematic. But not abusive.
- He is the man in a traditional hetero relationship
- He is already In the country and household where the married couple will live
- He lied about or omitted vital information about his wife’s new life
- He has the unequivocal support of a family who have refused to treat his new wife with respect
What part of this doesn’t qualify as some level of abuse?
It’s 💯 abuse lying by omission is abusive mentally!!!
Agree!
For #5, she went there voluntarily… unless you’re saying that he isolated her even when her family came over to visit India themselves.
People join cults voluntarily but it doesn’t mean they weren’t lied to and abused. Same with a lot of domestic violence victims. #3 and #5 go hand in hand.
Wasn’t she there for like a year before they even went on the show together tho?
And?
And what ? Were you going to add to this and you got distracted or something ?
You’re the one that had no point.
So what? I had an ex that lived with me before I moved to his country. The first time I was with him, he was a gentleman, kind, caring. When I moved to his country, he was an abusive asshole.
It doesn’t matter what he was like before. Once he knew he was going to have her stuck, he could have completely changed. It’s not an unheard of concept.
Can you not read or something? I asked a question not a statement
Because you were now in his territory and he could control you 😟
I mean we could dig into that but there are bigger problems to tackle at the moment. Like burning cow poop in the kitchen where garlic is banned.
I think both TJ and Kimberly were both incredibly ignorant and naive about how much their cultures would clash.
TJ doesn’t hide it well, even with the editing they’ve done to Kimberly.
Haha that’s not editing. TJ may have issues but Kimberly is an off the rails narcissist lunatic. You can’t CGI edit in a 3yr old’s tantrum.
Cuz I’m sure you’re always composed and calm when under immense stress
But you can heavily stage them.
As this show is heavily staged.
🙄🙄😪
And it is comforting to see Kim during the wedding, generally smiling and very much respectful during the long ceremony with family.
Even when she recently advised TJ to stop lying about things like family duties, it was said with respectful consideration.
As in, maybe she was only a brat for the cameras.
MAYBE. 🙄🙄😪
Like I said, TJ mis translates, misleads and is an asshole. And I agree 90day stages almost everything. But there is zero excuse for Kim’s behavior. All of you saying it’s ok to scream like a spoiled child as an adult are being ridiculous and none of you would.
People downvoting me pointing out absolutely absurd adult behavior crack me up.
I’ve dated plenty of Indian men. When you don’t fit into the parameters of their families expectations they tend to tiptoe around a lot of things 1 being they often don’t even let their family know you exist and If you do it’s under the guise of friendship. The fact that TJ and Kimberly were married and he withheld information pertinent information from my opinion feels like this particular way of “if I don’t say anything I’m innocent” and from my experience they have a tendency to play dumb.
Yeah, I’m Indian born and grown up in Canada and I’m female, but my recent experience with my cousin from India confirms this. She was the exact same, playing dumb, outright lying/denying things/gaslighting to make her side seem wholly innocent and wholesome. After seeing her true arrogant nature, we had a huge fall-out and I don’t think I can trust another Indian again. It was a mindf* because she was sooo kind, “considerate”, helpful, etc, but in the end it was being opportunistic and deceitful.
Yep very close to my experience dating an Indian man and I’m a white American woman. I would feel so guilty because other white women would be like “is he abusive? I’ve heard Indian men can be abusive” and I thought it would be racist to say yes, so I hid away a lot of problems and made excuses. A lot of anger, manipulation, avoidance. Hated it.